Or maybe I am wrong and they are up there looking down on us? (62)
Laura25: When a small child looses a parent, you want a little girl to know about her mother's wonderful spirit and how much she(the child) is still loved.
You want to offer some kind of comfort by saying that her mother is in heaven looking down at her, and smiling at her, and loving her.
I want to believe there is this glorious afterlife, but I can't make myself believing it. And saying it to a little girl feels odd - like lying to her.
We do tell kids about Ester Bunnies and Santas, but then they learn it's a lie. Very fast.
Will this child resent being fed this temporary soothing lie when she realizes it's just another lie?
You want to offer some kind of comfort by saying that her mother is in heaven looking down at her, and smiling at her, and loving her.
I want to believe there is this glorious afterlife, but I can't make myself believing it. And saying it to a little girl feels odd - like lying to her.
We do tell kids about Ester Bunnies and Santas, but then they learn it's a lie. Very fast.
Will this child resent being fed this temporary soothing lie when she realizes it's just another lie?
It's only lying to you because you don't believe in it. As one who feels the strong presence of spirits, and especially of my late husband, I believe, so for me it wouldn't be lying to the child. I have many friends who also know that their loved ones are still looking after them, and are still around after crossing over. Spirit is energy, and energy is neither created nor destroyed. The body dies, but the spirit lives on...and I firmly believe it lives in human form again.
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Laura25: Oh, Lush, in no way I implied lack of love or guidance. Or neglect.
It's not so common for a small child to lose a parent and if it happens, it feels as if there are ways to help. Somehow. Somewhat.
Even though there are probably none.
But there is still this nagging feeling that you must offer more help in dealing with it than just love.
It's hard to explain unless you are actually in such situation.
It's not so common for a small child to lose a parent and if it happens, it feels as if there are ways to help. Somehow. Somewhat.
Even though there are probably none.
But there is still this nagging feeling that you must offer more help in dealing with it than just love.
It's hard to explain unless you are actually in such situation.
You never implied that, Laura. You left the statement open and I was just using some examples.
I have been in the situation, of losing a mother. However, I believe that the most comfort I could ever get about it, would be from myself.
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Hey Laura, I dont think you will be telling a lie as such as I do think there is an afta life, with spirits around us as well, an maybe she knows that her mum loves her where she is now.
I met my ex wifes mum who is in spirit,she died before we got together, so maybe this may happen with her too, and as long as she knows how much her mum loves her which is not a lie and hear what sort of a lady her mum was so she gets to hear of the good qualitys that made her the lady she was,she may get comfort from this and as she gets older will understand that know matter where she is in life her mum will be with her, in heart and spirit and she (child)may have her own place where heaven is
I met my ex wifes mum who is in spirit,she died before we got together, so maybe this may happen with her too, and as long as she knows how much her mum loves her which is not a lie and hear what sort of a lady her mum was so she gets to hear of the good qualitys that made her the lady she was,she may get comfort from this and as she gets older will understand that know matter where she is in life her mum will be with her, in heart and spirit and she (child)may have her own place where heaven is
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Laura25: Oh, Lush, in no way I implied lack of love or guidance. Or neglect.
It's not so common for a small child to lose a parent and if it happens, it feels as if there are ways to help. Somehow. Somewhat.
Even though there are probably none.
But there is still this nagging feeling that you must offer more help in dealing with it than just love.
It's hard to explain unless you are actually in such situation.
It's not so common for a small child to lose a parent and if it happens, it feels as if there are ways to help. Somehow. Somewhat.
Even though there are probably none.
But there is still this nagging feeling that you must offer more help in dealing with it than just love.
It's hard to explain unless you are actually in such situation.
I am in that situation now Laura ,
it is debillitating , perhaps one wants to help ,
but sadly you can't help the child, all you can do is love
him the way you have always done.
Really you would have to be in the situation to understand
the utter devestation of it all.
It is very tough .
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jbibiza: I think what a child always deserves is the truth, or as near to it as we know...
I think what is honest and comforting to a child is that as long as we remember someone a part of them is always with us, they should be told stories and encouraged to tell stories themselves of the person that has died... in that way we always have a little part of that person in our heart.
I think what is honest and comforting to a child is that as long as we remember someone a part of them is always with us, they should be told stories and encouraged to tell stories themselves of the person that has died... in that way we always have a little part of that person in our heart.
I agree with that. That's how I see it too.
But am still wondering:
if there are Tooth-Fairies/Ester-Bunnies/Santas/etc.,
why not that? I mean, if it can bring some(any) kind of soothing comfort?
My only doubt - will she remember being "fed" it? Will she resent it later? I guess, there is no general answer. Depends on a person.
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druidess6308: It's only lying to you because you don't believe in it. As one who feels the strong presence of spirits, and especially of my late husband, I believe, so for me it wouldn't be lying to the child. I have many friends who also know that their loved ones are still looking after them, and are still around after crossing over. Spirit is energy, and energy is neither created nor destroyed. The body dies, but the spirit lives on...and I firmly believe it lives in human form again.
Thank you, Dru. ------ This thread is Archived ------
livinglarge: I am in that situation now Laura ,
it is debillitating , perhaps one wants to help ,
but sadly you can't help the child, all you can do is love
him the way you have always done.
Really you would have to be in the situation to understand
the utter devestation of it all.
It is very tough .
it is debillitating , perhaps one wants to help ,
but sadly you can't help the child, all you can do is love
him the way you have always done.
Really you would have to be in the situation to understand
the utter devestation of it all.
It is very tough .
Sorry to hear it, LL.
There are times in life when our own little misfortunes fade in comparison with something really unfair.
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Laura25: Sorry to hear it, LL.
There are times in life when our own little misfortunes fade in comparison with something really unfair.
There are times in life when our own little misfortunes fade in comparison with something really unfair.
yes
but even if we think we can reason and rationalise for the child
the reality is completely the opposite .
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Laura25: Thank you, Dru.
Just so you know, I do respect your lack of belief. Sadly, my late husband was in torment over this at the end because he didn't share my belief. I have the comfort of knowing he's doing well, and is still nearby...and now knows the answer.
However, many who have not had strong and powerful experiences lack the belief that the soul lives on, and that's okay. You have to tell a child what you're comfortable telling them, for if you feel like you're lying they'll sense that, and resent it. I agree in your case with what Jacquie said (hope I got it right, JB), that it's okay instead to tell her that her mother will always be alive in her memories, for that is also true.
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bayman: Hey Laura, I dont think you will be telling a lie as such as I do think there is an afta life, with spirits around us as well, an maybe she knows that her mum loves her where she is now.
I met my ex wifes mum who is in spirit,she died before we got together, so maybe this may happen with her too, and as long as she knows how much her mum loves her which is not a lie and hear what sort of a lady her mum was so she gets to hear of the good qualitys that made her the lady she was,she may get comfort from this and as she gets older will understand that know matter where she is in life her mum will be with her, in heart and spirit and she (child)may have her own place where heaven is
I met my ex wifes mum who is in spirit,she died before we got together, so maybe this may happen with her too, and as long as she knows how much her mum loves her which is not a lie and hear what sort of a lady her mum was so she gets to hear of the good qualitys that made her the lady she was,she may get comfort from this and as she gets older will understand that know matter where she is in life her mum will be with her, in heart and spirit and she (child)may have her own place where heaven is
This is an interesting statement, Bayman. You never knew her mother, yet you did recognize her? In spirit?
And thank you for your input. Yes, I agree - this child will need to hear what a wonderful lady her mom was and how much she loves her. As much as possible.
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livinglarge: yes
but even if we think we can reason and rationalise for the child
the reality is completely the opposite .
but even if we think we can reason and rationalise for the child
the reality is completely the opposite .
All they need is love and support. Telling them about spirits and such things is totally wrong, in my opinion. It is better to let them decide that, when they are older. Lying to a child gives them false hope and pulls them away from reality. It may not affect them then, but they may grow up to be dependent on the unreal, or prevent them from being able to deal with such things in the correct way, without escaping. life is hard, and lying doesn't make it easier.
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lusciousmile: All they need is love and support. Telling them about spirits and such things is totally wrong, in my opinion. It is better to let them decide that, when they are older. Lying to a child gives them false hope and pulls them away from reality. It may not affect them then, but they may grow up to be dependent on the unreal, or prevent them from being able to deal with such things in the correct way, without escaping. life is hard, and lying doesn't make it easier.
and the child won't necessarily be able to talk about there
lost loved one .
But it manifests in other ways (the pain ,that is) for example
bad stomack complaints and very bad behaviour
Sorry Laura , don't mean to get off point
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lusciousmile: ...
I have been in the situation, of losing a mother. However, I believe that the most comfort I could ever get about it, would be from myself.
I have been in the situation, of losing a mother. However, I believe that the most comfort I could ever get about it, would be from myself.
So sorry, Lush But you are a really strong person.
I am afraid, most need to lean on some-thing/one...
some kind of an "outside source" - to get the strength to deal with it.
lusciousmile: All they need is love and support. Telling them about spirits and such things is totally wrong, in my opinion. It is better to let them decide that, when they are older. Lying to a child gives them false hope and pulls them away from reality. It may not affect them then, but they may grow up to be dependent on the unreal, or prevent them from being able to deal with such things in the correct way, without escaping. life is hard, and lying doesn't make it easier.
I hear you.
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lusciousmile: You never implied that, Laura. You left the statement open and I was just using some examples.
I have been in the situation, of losing a mother. However, I believe that the most comfort I could ever get about it, would be from myself.
I have been in the situation, of losing a mother. However, I believe that the most comfort I could ever get about it, would be from myself.
sorry Lush
it is very hard
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Very hard predicament Laura.
Maybe you could tell her that her mother will always reside in her heart. That her mother loved her very much and that love will always be with her.
Maybe you could tell her that her mother will always reside in her heart. That her mother loved her very much and that love will always be with her.
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lusciousmile: You never implied that, Laura. You left the statement open and I was just using some examples.
I have been in the situation, of losing a mother. However, I believe that the most comfort I could ever get about it, would be from myself.
I have been in the situation, of losing a mother. However, I believe that the most comfort I could ever get about it, would be from myself.
Very true, Lush...but I am sorry to hear about your mom. ------ This thread is Archived ------
livinglarge: I am in that situation now Laura ,
it is debillitating , perhaps one wants to help ,
but sadly you can't help the child, all you can do is love
him the way you have always done.
Really you would have to be in the situation to understand
the utter devestation of it all.
It is very tough .
it is debillitating , perhaps one wants to help ,
but sadly you can't help the child, all you can do is love
him the way you have always done.
Really you would have to be in the situation to understand
the utter devestation of it all.
It is very tough .
We are also going through a situation like this; their dad passed away about 3 weeks ago. My youngest is 10 yr. old and the boys are older. I cant imagine trying to explain to a child younger then my daughter...that was hard enough, and she understood for the most part.
As, I do believe in God and "heaven"...it wasnt hard for me to explain that aspect of death and where their dad....and he will always be in her (their) heart. The issue of him being gone forever and not just a week or a month..that is so final, is hard.
I have always loved the quote, that goes something like this...
I would rather live my life as if there were a God and find out there wasnt...then to live my life as if there wasnt a God and find out there was...
My best thoughts to you...
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Laura25: When a small child looses a parent, you want a little girl to know about her mother's wonderful spirit and how much she(the child) is still loved.
You want to offer some kind of comfort by saying that her mother is in heaven looking down at her, and smiling at her, and loving her.
I want to believe there is this glorious afterlife, but I can't make myself believing it. And saying it to a little girl feels odd - like lying to her.
We do tell kids about Ester Bunnies and Santas, but then they learn it's a lie. Very fast.
Will this child resent being fed this temporary soothing lie when she realizes it's just another lie?
You want to offer some kind of comfort by saying that her mother is in heaven looking down at her, and smiling at her, and loving her.
I want to believe there is this glorious afterlife, but I can't make myself believing it. And saying it to a little girl feels odd - like lying to her.
We do tell kids about Ester Bunnies and Santas, but then they learn it's a lie. Very fast.
Will this child resent being fed this temporary soothing lie when she realizes it's just another lie?
I guess you could tell the kid that Santa is pimping her out so he will have the $$ to buy Christmas gifts!!
Now we know the truth about why Rudolph has a red nose.. to light the red light district!!
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blue_eyed_blonde: We are also going through a situation like this; their dad passed away about 3 weeks ago. My youngest is 10 yr. old and the boys are older. I cant imagine trying to explain to a child younger then my daughter...that was hard enough, and she understood for the most part.
As, I do believe in God and "heaven"...it wasnt hard for me to explain that aspect of death and where their dad....and he will always be in her (their) heart. The issue of him being gone forever and not just a week or a month..that is so final, is hard.
I have always loved the quote, that goes something like this...
I would rather live my life as if there were a God and find out there wasnt...then to live my life as if there wasnt a God and find out there was...
My best thoughts to you...
As, I do believe in God and "heaven"...it wasnt hard for me to explain that aspect of death and where their dad....and he will always be in her (their) heart. The issue of him being gone forever and not just a week or a month..that is so final, is hard.
I have always loved the quote, that goes something like this...
I would rather live my life as if there were a God and find out there wasnt...then to live my life as if there wasnt a God and find out there was...
My best thoughts to you...
So sorry to hear that Trudy...
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I think what is honest and comforting to a child is that as long as we remember someone a part of them is always with us, they should be told stories and encouraged to tell stories themselves of the person that has died... in that way we always have a little part of that person in our heart.