Advice for a mother in despair (22)
monty611: Hi all i just would like some advice on how to step back and let my son deal with his problems?My sons wife walked out a month ago and hasn't said anything at all except i want a divorce! I understand my son isn't the perfect human being but i believe he should have the chance to hear an explanation on what happened in his marriage!
In the past two years his father has suicided, his beloved grandmother dies he had a heart virus and was near death and shut down for a time, now this! Would like to know what i can do and any help would be gratefully accepted im at the end of my rope with suggestions on what he can do!
Thanks
In the past two years his father has suicided, his beloved grandmother dies he had a heart virus and was near death and shut down for a time, now this! Would like to know what i can do and any help would be gratefully accepted im at the end of my rope with suggestions on what he can do!
Thanks
Just be there for him.... you can't force an explanation and chances are there were some clues to this coming. Your son probably has a hint of why she left.... but may not be ok with sharing it .... Hope all turns out for the best...
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Just be there and support him as a mother....
May be his wife was at breaking point with all that has happened and she to was at the end of her rope...She might need time to sort her head out before she can offer an explanation...
May be his wife was at breaking point with all that has happened and she to was at the end of her rope...She might need time to sort her head out before she can offer an explanation...
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Tamarin: Just be there and support him as a mother....
May be his wife was at breaking point with all that has happened and she to was at the end of her rope...She might need time to sort her head out before she can offer an explanation...
May be his wife was at breaking point with all that has happened and she to was at the end of her rope...She might need time to sort her head out before she can offer an explanation...
This is exactly what I was thinking. Life's pressures can be so overwhelming at times that you just want to walk out of all of it. I'm sorry. This probably isn't the comment you were looking for. But there is nothing you "can" do for him other than be there for moral support and love. Both of which he desperately needs more "now" than ever. I do wish him and you the best. It's hard when life didn't come with a parenting manual.
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hopefloats: This is exactly what I was thinking. Life's pressures can be so overwhelming at times that you just want to walk out of all of it. I'm sorry. This probably isn't the comment you were looking for. But there is nothing you "can" do for him other than be there for moral support and love. Both of which he desperately needs more "now" than ever. I do wish him and you the best. It's hard when life didn't come with a parenting manual.
No all comments are graciously welcomed i have thought about that too and yes i would probally run for the hills too! I am tryin hard to be there for him without bursting into tears which at the moment is very hard!!
Thanks
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monty611: No all comments are graciously welcomed i have thought about that too and yes i would probally run for the hills too! I am tryin hard to be there for him without bursting into tears which at the moment is very hard!!
Thanks
Thanks
Keep hangin' in there sister!
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Tamarin: Just be there and support him as a mother....
May be his wife was at breaking point with all that has happened and she to was at the end of her rope...She might need time to sort her head out before she can offer an explanation...
May be his wife was at breaking point with all that has happened and she to was at the end of her rope...She might need time to sort her head out before she can offer an explanation...
Agreed, Tam. Going through those things for a prolonged period would be hard for a couple. I know, I went through two very hard years with my late father-in-law and late husband...which included losing them 6 months apart from each other. With a little time to clear her head, she might also decide she still loves him and work on reconciliation. Or, that time and everything they went through just might have been the straws that broke that marriage's back.
All you can do is be there for him when he needs to know you care.
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In response to: Hi all i just would like some advice on how to step back and let my son deal with his problems?My sons wife walked out a month ago and hasn't said anything at all except i want a divorce! I understand my son isn't the perfect human being but i believe he should have the chance to hear an explanation on what happened in his marriage!
In the past two years his father has suicided, his beloved grandmother dies he had a heart virus and was near death and shut down for a time, now this! Would like to know what i can do and any help would be gratefully accepted im at the end of my rope with suggestions on what he can do!
Thanks
In the past two years his father has suicided, his beloved grandmother dies he had a heart virus and was near death and shut down for a time, now this! Would like to know what i can do and any help would be gratefully accepted im at the end of my rope with suggestions on what he can do!
Thanks
Thank you all for replying it felt good to just get it on paper and i have been just loving him and holding him all i can do an pray that all is ok!
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monty611: Thank you all for replying it felt good to just get it on paper and i have been just loving him and holding him all i can do an pray that all is ok! thanks
I agree with everyone else and i would also suggest that maybe he gets checked out for depression and seek some councelling. Try to enusre that he gets out and continues to live life.
Good luck!
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druidess6308: Agreed, Tam. Going through those things for a prolonged period would be hard for a couple. I know, I went through two very hard years with my late father-in-law and late husband...which included losing them 6 months apart from each other. With a little time to clear her head, she might also decide she still loves him and work on reconciliation. Or, that time and everything they went through just might have been the straws that broke that marriage's back.
All you can do is be there for him when he needs to know you care.
Love of any kind is never easy.
All you can do is be there for him when he needs to know you care.
Love of any kind is never easy.
Very wise advice.
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Dear Monty,
It sounds like you have had a lot of trouble yourself. Maybe just take your son back to live with you and try to make each other happy.
It sounds like you have had a lot of trouble yourself. Maybe just take your son back to live with you and try to make each other happy.
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Witchaywoman: Dear Monty,
It sounds like you have had a lot of trouble yourself. Maybe just take your son back to live with you and try to make each other happy.
It sounds like you have had a lot of trouble yourself. Maybe just take your son back to live with you and try to make each other happy.
I have moved in with him for the meantime, Im not worried bout me but thanks i just want him to get through this an be a stronger person! There is life at the end of the tunnel!!!!!
Ive been there!!!
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best advice is just be there for him if he opens up to you fine but dont push it
when hes ready and wants advice he will ask
when hes ready and wants advice he will ask
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Be there for him and do what mothers do best be his bestest friend
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Nobody knows what goes on behind doors and just maybe your son does know why she said goodbye..
I dont know your sons personality to give advice but I do know from the experiences with my sons they liked their space and they reached out for me when they were ready and able to..
I reckon they were grateful that I listened and I never judged nor asked questions..
As others have stated just be their for him
I dont know your sons personality to give advice but I do know from the experiences with my sons they liked their space and they reached out for me when they were ready and able to..
I reckon they were grateful that I listened and I never judged nor asked questions..
As others have stated just be their for him
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I am not sure if I misunderstood, sorry if I did,- but I am reading that you want him to be more self reliant and deal with matters himself..
So, maybe moving in with him is not the right thing..
I have a twenty year old daughter living with me. Although she claims to want to be independent, whenever she is able to fall back into dependency, she will, like on auto pilot.
I feel it is hte most loving thing if I help her get to her own independence,- I wont always be there for her..
My advice would be to let him know that he is loved, that he can get through this,- and that you trust him to do the right things..
Someone else suggested councelling too, I think given all that has happened that should be a must.
Maybe his young wife is unable to copy with his sadness, and there could be a reconcilliation if he has managed to get some of the past experiences out of his system.
Judging by your loving and caring post here, I imagine your son is quite sensitive and perhaps a little sheltered, it would be good for him to experience his own strength, and this can only be achieved if mom steps back a little.
Signal messages like: "You can do this". "You will know what to do." "I know its going to be alright." "I trust you are doing the right things."
Perhaps suggest councelling,- but leave it to him to sort it out..
(There is a good chance that it is exactly that which his young wife is looking for, and because she knows he is sensitive and in a vulnerable spot, she doesnt want to tell him).
Sorry if I am stepping too close here, or if I got it all wrong.. it is just a forum post after all and I might have misconstrued all over the place..
Lots of strength to you all,- your son is a lucky guy to have such a loving mom.
So, maybe moving in with him is not the right thing..
I have a twenty year old daughter living with me. Although she claims to want to be independent, whenever she is able to fall back into dependency, she will, like on auto pilot.
I feel it is hte most loving thing if I help her get to her own independence,- I wont always be there for her..
My advice would be to let him know that he is loved, that he can get through this,- and that you trust him to do the right things..
Someone else suggested councelling too, I think given all that has happened that should be a must.
Maybe his young wife is unable to copy with his sadness, and there could be a reconcilliation if he has managed to get some of the past experiences out of his system.
Judging by your loving and caring post here, I imagine your son is quite sensitive and perhaps a little sheltered, it would be good for him to experience his own strength, and this can only be achieved if mom steps back a little.
Signal messages like: "You can do this". "You will know what to do." "I know its going to be alright." "I trust you are doing the right things."
Perhaps suggest councelling,- but leave it to him to sort it out..
(There is a good chance that it is exactly that which his young wife is looking for, and because she knows he is sensitive and in a vulnerable spot, she doesnt want to tell him).
Sorry if I am stepping too close here, or if I got it all wrong.. it is just a forum post after all and I might have misconstrued all over the place..
Lots of strength to you all,- your son is a lucky guy to have such a loving mom.
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GreenTassels: I am not sure if I misunderstood, sorry if I did,- but I am reading that you want him to be more self reliant and deal with matters himself..
So, maybe moving in with him is not the right thing..
I have a twenty year old daughter living with me. Although she claims to want to be independent, whenever she is able to fall back into dependency, she will, like on auto pilot.
I feel it is hte most loving thing if I help her get to her own independence,- I wont always be there for her..
My advice would be to let him know that he is loved, that he can get through this,- and that you trust him to do the right things..
Someone else suggested councelling too, I think given all that has happened that should be a must.
Maybe his young wife is unable to copy with his sadness, and there could be a reconcilliation if he has managed to get some of the past experiences out of his system.
Judging by your loving and caring post here, I imagine your son is quite sensitive and perhaps a little sheltered, it would be good for him to experience his own strength, and this can only be achieved if mom steps back a little.
Signal messages like: "You can do this". "You will know what to do." "I know its going to be alright." "I trust you are doing the right things."
Perhaps suggest councelling,- but leave it to him to sort it out..
(There is a good chance that it is exactly that which his young wife is looking for, and because she knows he is sensitive and in a vulnerable spot, she doesnt want to tell him).
Sorry if I am stepping too close here, or if I got it all wrong.. it is just a forum post after all and I might have misconstrued all over the place..
Lots of strength to you all,- your son is a lucky guy to have such a loving mom.
So, maybe moving in with him is not the right thing..
I have a twenty year old daughter living with me. Although she claims to want to be independent, whenever she is able to fall back into dependency, she will, like on auto pilot.
I feel it is hte most loving thing if I help her get to her own independence,- I wont always be there for her..
My advice would be to let him know that he is loved, that he can get through this,- and that you trust him to do the right things..
Someone else suggested councelling too, I think given all that has happened that should be a must.
Maybe his young wife is unable to copy with his sadness, and there could be a reconcilliation if he has managed to get some of the past experiences out of his system.
Judging by your loving and caring post here, I imagine your son is quite sensitive and perhaps a little sheltered, it would be good for him to experience his own strength, and this can only be achieved if mom steps back a little.
Signal messages like: "You can do this". "You will know what to do." "I know its going to be alright." "I trust you are doing the right things."
Perhaps suggest councelling,- but leave it to him to sort it out..
(There is a good chance that it is exactly that which his young wife is looking for, and because she knows he is sensitive and in a vulnerable spot, she doesnt want to tell him).
Sorry if I am stepping too close here, or if I got it all wrong.. it is just a forum post after all and I might have misconstrued all over the place..
Lots of strength to you all,- your son is a lucky guy to have such a loving mom.
Thanks you all so much for your advice and support on this!! Im so appreciative of it
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It sounds like your son's wife was a self centered person and life was no longer fun. He is better off that she left. Life has hardships and she wanted ease. He lost nothing except a dream of true love that was never there. Be there for him and show him the future....make plans, goals and the hope of finding a woman that is worth having that will stick with him in thick or thin. Get him to look forward and go for it. Be a mom and guide him gently toward a new life.
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RillyNiceGuy: It sounds like your son's wife was a self centered person and life was no longer fun. He is better off that she left. Life has hardships and she wanted ease. He lost nothing except a dream of true love that was never there. Be there for him and show him the future....make plans, goals and the hope of finding a woman that is worth having that will stick with him in thick or thin. Get him to look forward and go for it. Be a mom and guide him gently toward a new life.
And how do you know that Rilly?
When even his mother doesn't know what happened in this young family?
It's thin now, you have no way of knowing who is at fault... if any one of them... And instead of working through thin times you suggest go looking for another thick.
Wonder how many it's gonna be through out the years with this philosophy.
I just hope there is no one that wise around this boy at the time...
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Created: Mar 2009
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My sons wife walked out a month ago and hasn't said anything at all except i want a divorce! I understand my son isn't the perfect human being but i believe he should have the chance to hear an explanation on what happened in his marriage!
In the past two years his father has suicided, his beloved grandmother dies he had a heart virus and was near death and shut down for a time, now this! Would like to know what i can do and any help would be gratefully accepted im at the end of my rope with suggestions on what he can do!
Thanks