The 'Other Person' (66)
Not at all , my ex husbands girlfriend is a lovely person i like her and am grateful she is with him and not me 
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Gosh Sommer, what a fantastic topic and I will read many differing thoughts I'm sure.
I commend you on how your relationship ended yet you and the other parties involved are able to hold sound and relevant discussions about such sensitive issues. What a wonderful attitude to have.
I have not experienced this personally so I have nothing to add. I would hope should something of this nature happen to me in the future that I am am able to maintain enough dignity to live with grace.
I commend you on how your relationship ended yet you and the other parties involved are able to hold sound and relevant discussions about such sensitive issues. What a wonderful attitude to have.
I have not experienced this personally so I have nothing to add. I would hope should something of this nature happen to me in the future that I am am able to maintain enough dignity to live with grace.
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Love has no borders. The heart can not be controlled. Sometimes a person gets involved with another person and doesn't understand the situation until it is too late to change. Most people are good and decent. If you allow yourself to stay objective you might find that person to be someone you normally would like if the situation was different.
My wife was married when I first met her. She was in a love-less marriage. She was deciding to separate when I came along. Divorce in Canada was and is very hard. So I was the "other man" in your question. Most people had every reason to hate me.
Liz and I had 38 years of a fantastic marriage before she died. Many of her friends grew to like me. Her family liked instantly long before I felt like I deserved it.
So my point would be please don't be too quick to judge others.
My wife was married when I first met her. She was in a love-less marriage. She was deciding to separate when I came along. Divorce in Canada was and is very hard. So I was the "other man" in your question. Most people had every reason to hate me.
Liz and I had 38 years of a fantastic marriage before she died. Many of her friends grew to like me. Her family liked instantly long before I felt like I deserved it.
So my point would be please don't be too quick to judge others.
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nurcnurc: Gosh Sommer, what a fantastic topic and I will read many differing thoughts I'm sure.
I commend you on how your relationship ended yet you and the other parties involved are able to hold sound and relevant discussions about such sensitive issues. What a wonderful attitude to have.
I have not experienced this personally so I have nothing to add. I would hope should something of this nature happen to me in the future that I am am able to maintain enough dignity to live with grace.
I commend you on how your relationship ended yet you and the other parties involved are able to hold sound and relevant discussions about such sensitive issues. What a wonderful attitude to have.
I have not experienced this personally so I have nothing to add. I would hope should something of this nature happen to me in the future that I am am able to maintain enough dignity to live with grace.
Hi you..
It will be interesting to read, I have posted it in the EU forums too. SHould be an interesting comparison of views.
Oh, the end of my marriage was messy, dirty and nasty, between him and I, and it was not all pretty between her and I. There were many problems, with the children, that I am not prepared to discuss, but we developed a mutual respect between us, especially when she had her own child, which I embraced and adored him, because I love babies, but he is the half brother of my children, therefore, I wanted them to have a relationship with their brother.
We often laugh over how it was now, acceptance is a wonderful thing and of course, the breakdown of my marriage was not her fault, it was nobody's fault, it simply broke down. With me accepting my responsibility for the part I played in it.
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Big_John: Love has no borders. The heart can not be controlled. Sometimes a person gets involved with another person and doesn't understand the situation until it is too late to change. Most people are good and decent. If you allow yourself to stay objective you might find that person to be someone you normally would like if the situation was different.
My wife was married when I first met her. She was in a love-less marriage. She was deciding to separate when I came along. Divorce in Canada was and is very hard. So I was the "other man" in your question. Most people had every reason to hate me.
Liz and I had 38 years of a fantastic marriage before she died. Many of her friends grew to like me. Her family liked instantly long before I felt like I deserved it.
So my point would be please don't be too quick to judge others.
My wife was married when I first met her. She was in a love-less marriage. She was deciding to separate when I came along. Divorce in Canada was and is very hard. So I was the "other man" in your question. Most people had every reason to hate me.
Liz and I had 38 years of a fantastic marriage before she died. Many of her friends grew to like me. Her family liked instantly long before I felt like I deserved it.
So my point would be please don't be too quick to judge others.
See, this is the point. We can all judge, we can all detest the 'other person'
We do.
This should be interesting. My ex husband fell in love, the fact that he had two children and a wife, was hard for him.
And for her, it was something where she was in love and she sat back and waited, I can only ask and ponder as to her level of patience...
And for dealing with me, in a wonderfully graceful and dignified manner.
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When the ex was dating, my daughter came home with bruises on her arm when the girlfriend fell on her skating. She also came home with a cookie sheet burn on her face. I had a few issues with this.
After the marriage I accepted her and my daughter has had the love and support of her step mom.
They are divorced now and I have chatted with her regarding her new life. We are all still family. Extended family.
After the marriage I accepted her and my daughter has had the love and support of her step mom.
They are divorced now and I have chatted with her regarding her new life. We are all still family. Extended family.
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Sommerauer71: I am asking this question, as I had a conversation with my ex husband's girlfriend the other day. We were laughing, as we do and I asked her how it felt being in a relationship as the 'other woman'
Her response was interesting, intelligent as she is an intelligent person, hell a woman that took him off my hands and made him a decent, loving human being, gets my thumbs up anyday.
She said that many people were against her, her friends dropped her, and she felt alone, yet she felt no guilt towards me. I knew this lady as she was my ex husband's assistant, when I first found out about it and he was leaving me, she said that was when the pain and hurt kicked in, as she felt a self loathing when she saw my pain and I had asked her back then, did she ever feel any guilt.
SHe told me then, 'no, I love him' I could only resonate that I had once felt the same about him.
SHe and I are great friends now, she is a wonderful mother and a fabulous stepmother to my children, who love her immensely. I have embraced that relationship rather than feel threatened by it. I gained a friend. We have never been in competition with each other, aside from the fact that her Shepherd's Pie is crap and my son tells her, 'not like my mum's' I feel proud at that.
So, my question is this, has any person been the co star in the marriage/partnership? How do you feel or how did you?
How do people feel about the 'other person?' Many people would feel scorn and be nasty to them, but we must remember that they are people and that they too have feelings, why are we so against people who have affairs?
Purely, from a discussion standpoint. I am genuinely interested.
Her response was interesting, intelligent as she is an intelligent person, hell a woman that took him off my hands and made him a decent, loving human being, gets my thumbs up anyday.
She said that many people were against her, her friends dropped her, and she felt alone, yet she felt no guilt towards me. I knew this lady as she was my ex husband's assistant, when I first found out about it and he was leaving me, she said that was when the pain and hurt kicked in, as she felt a self loathing when she saw my pain and I had asked her back then, did she ever feel any guilt.
SHe told me then, 'no, I love him' I could only resonate that I had once felt the same about him.
SHe and I are great friends now, she is a wonderful mother and a fabulous stepmother to my children, who love her immensely. I have embraced that relationship rather than feel threatened by it. I gained a friend. We have never been in competition with each other, aside from the fact that her Shepherd's Pie is crap and my son tells her, 'not like my mum's' I feel proud at that.
So, my question is this, has any person been the co star in the marriage/partnership? How do you feel or how did you?
How do people feel about the 'other person?' Many people would feel scorn and be nasty to them, but we must remember that they are people and that they too have feelings, why are we so against people who have affairs?
Purely, from a discussion standpoint. I am genuinely interested.
when my wife left me for another man. I said O.K. Not only did I help her get him into the country, gave them my blessing, attended their wedding...I performed the ceremony!! We are good friends. Hey...just because he was screwing my wife and alienating her affections for me....that doesn't make him all bad!!
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NAKEDMUDPEOPLE: When the ex was dating, my daughter came home with bruises on her arm when the girlfriend fell on her skating. She also came home with a cookie sheet burn on her face. I had a few issues with this.
After the marriage I accepted her and my daughter has had the love and support of her step mom.
They are divorced now and I have chatted with her regarding her new life. We are all still family. Extended family.
After the marriage I accepted her and my daughter has had the love and support of her step mom.
They are divorced now and I have chatted with her regarding her new life. We are all still family. Extended family.
This is something else, the children and the 'other' person.
Why do we go into overdrive with 'they are my children and no other person is having them?'
My children's stepmother, never wanted to be their mother, because she knew she could not be, she knew that I was that. I knew that I was that.
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pretzelman: when my wife left me for another man. I said O.K. Not only did I help her get him into the country, gave them my blessing, attended their wedding...I performed the ceremony!! We are good friends. Hey...just because he was screwing my wife and alienating her affections for me....that doesn't make him all bad!!
Was he alienating her affections for you? Or had you alienated her affections?
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pretzelman: when my wife left me for another man. I said O.K. Not only did I help her get him into the country, gave them my blessing, attended their wedding...I performed the ceremony!! We are good friends. Hey...just because he was screwing my wife and alienating her affections for me....that doesn't make him all bad!!
Hell as long as he picked up the beer tab he couldn't be all bad.
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It's a hard topic for me to debate, because in my situation the cheating went 2 ways. The other woman was my best friend. Her betrayal was more hurtful than his, even though I was engaged to be married with the guy.
They got married a few weeks back and I can truly say that I felt very happy for them. But like with your Shepherd's Pie I felt a little relieved to be able to conclude that my ex-friend looked a bit like a very goofy cake in her wedding gown.
Another thing that complicates my view is the fact that the betrayal and their affair began at a time when I really needed them. My dad had had what would later turn out to be his first of many strokes and I spent all my spare-time at his house nursing him back to health. I have two brothers, but they are military men and were stationed far off in other countries. It was a very difficult time for me and I felt very alone, so I was so glad that I had such an understanding fiancée and such a supporting friend. My time was divided solely between studies and my father so I understand that I was not a very participating or giving girlfriend or friend during that period. But I really needed them and they replied by going behind my back, lie to me and cheat me. The lying and hiding was by far the worst thing. I later found that they had considered telling me before I found out myself but decided against it because of my hardship. I don't know how I feel about that, but not grateful. They should have known that it would come out sooner or later and not have waited until I caught them myself (on very explicit pictures on my own digital camera).
I think cheating is wrong and even though the worst wrong-doer is the person involved with someone else I think it's just bad sense and misbehaving if you decide to date someone you know is already seeing someone else, married, in a steady relationship or whatever. I think you can only gain from saying: “Hey you, I like you lots but if you really want me then you have to leave your wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever first.”
If you are seriously thinking about, planning and considering carrying out cheating just leave the old relationship behind right there and then. It's cowardly to use it as a scapegoat if the new one doesn't work out.
All in all I try not to be too judgmental. After all I was raised to believe that we can all kill, cheat and lie if the circumstances are right. Maybe I just haven't experienced a situation or a guy who could trigger such actions in me. I can't dismiss it, but on the other hand I have such high personal morals that I think it would take a whole lot before I could to something like that to another person. Especially because I know how much it hurts.
They got married a few weeks back and I can truly say that I felt very happy for them. But like with your Shepherd's Pie I felt a little relieved to be able to conclude that my ex-friend looked a bit like a very goofy cake in her wedding gown.
Another thing that complicates my view is the fact that the betrayal and their affair began at a time when I really needed them. My dad had had what would later turn out to be his first of many strokes and I spent all my spare-time at his house nursing him back to health. I have two brothers, but they are military men and were stationed far off in other countries. It was a very difficult time for me and I felt very alone, so I was so glad that I had such an understanding fiancée and such a supporting friend. My time was divided solely between studies and my father so I understand that I was not a very participating or giving girlfriend or friend during that period. But I really needed them and they replied by going behind my back, lie to me and cheat me. The lying and hiding was by far the worst thing. I later found that they had considered telling me before I found out myself but decided against it because of my hardship. I don't know how I feel about that, but not grateful. They should have known that it would come out sooner or later and not have waited until I caught them myself (on very explicit pictures on my own digital camera).
I think cheating is wrong and even though the worst wrong-doer is the person involved with someone else I think it's just bad sense and misbehaving if you decide to date someone you know is already seeing someone else, married, in a steady relationship or whatever. I think you can only gain from saying: “Hey you, I like you lots but if you really want me then you have to leave your wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever first.”
If you are seriously thinking about, planning and considering carrying out cheating just leave the old relationship behind right there and then. It's cowardly to use it as a scapegoat if the new one doesn't work out.
All in all I try not to be too judgmental. After all I was raised to believe that we can all kill, cheat and lie if the circumstances are right. Maybe I just haven't experienced a situation or a guy who could trigger such actions in me. I can't dismiss it, but on the other hand I have such high personal morals that I think it would take a whole lot before I could to something like that to another person. Especially because I know how much it hurts.
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Sommerauer71: Was he alienating her affections for you? Or had you alienated her affections?
How could I ever alienate any ones affections, you silly woman!!
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Sommerauer71: ......
How do people feel about the 'other person?' Many people would feel scorn and be nasty to them, but we must remember that they are people and that they too have feelings, why are we so against people who have affairs?
Purely, from a discussion standpoint. I am genuinely interested.
How do people feel about the 'other person?' Many people would feel scorn and be nasty to them, but we must remember that they are people and that they too have feelings, why are we so against people who have affairs?
Purely, from a discussion standpoint. I am genuinely interested.
First...
This will be a fascinating thread to follow, and I very much liked your information shared, thanks for that as well.Second. Since I have the very odd tendency to view my ex'es more like sisters then anything else I tend to view their new partners as most brothers would view their sisters partner. That is to say if he hurts or insults her, I'm gunna defend her and dislike him. If he abuses her I may find ways of getting him 'dealt with' But if he makes her happy and they are enjoying their life, I am very supportive of that and simply let them get on with it, etc.
Take care,
me
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Very mature posts, I assume there was another man involved in my separation/divorce but i never got more than i am not in love and many lies, and she was ashamed and only spoke to our children once about it 2-10-08 "sorry for what i am doing. you wouldn't understand" my kids were 16 and 18 and very smart.
I will never spend any time with my X or her significant other PERIOD.
The other man did what any man would do, however my X forsaken her vows but if we ever cross paths i will be respectful and if disrespectful i will injure him.
I will never spend any time with my X or her significant other PERIOD.
The other man did what any man would do, however my X forsaken her vows but if we ever cross paths i will be respectful and if disrespectful i will injure him.
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Funnily enough...when I kicked my ex-husband out he stayed with the girl he had been having an affair with for 5 years...he never changed though and they ended up splitting up...BUT yes she and I became...not really friends but cordial enough to where I liked her more than I liked him....because she cared about my kids and that's all that mattered to me at that point...I suppose for awhile there was a bit of anger there but certainly no more anger than I had for him....She actually kept in touch with my kids and would come down and spend time with them even though she lived a few hours away...still quite a few years after they broke up...she asked me if I had a problem with that and I said no...my kids adored her too...and I never did have any problem with it.... 
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I promised you Norse, that I would respond. You have been frank and honest in what has clearly been a painful time for you.
Of course you are going to feel cheated and lied to, who would not, I am with you there, I was beside myself when I found out, I could not reason, think straight and what followed is a time where I was lost, hurt and a very broken woman, it almost cost me children, my home. Not a place I would want to return to at all.
Affairs are never right, I agree, they destroy and hurt many people, but when they do happen, and they will as long as we are alive on this planet, they will, there are times where we have to look at our own part played in that.
You did, not that you for any moment deserved any of the way your friend and your fiance treated you. But you have the grace and dignity to speak out about it. Would they? DId they feel any compassion in their behaviur towards you? My exb husband's was afraid to, she thought I would kill her, little knowing me as she did, but we met and I was cold an hard, it was only her behaviour that made me soften, when we did begin to talk.
WOuld my amrriage have ended had she not popped along? Yes, I do believe it would have. And the thing is, my ex husband did, feel guilt and he was nasty and hurtful and he would have stepped over me in the street, but when I picked myself up with the love of friends, then he saw that I was trying to recover and he did feel guilt about the way he treated me.
In their hearts Norse, they will feel some pain and guilt about the way treated you, good human beings do, because even the 'other person' can be good, It does not make them bad people at all.
But you must not feel guilty, they chose to hurt you, he did and your friend, how they have recovered that hurt and pain, I am not sure, but at the very least, they owe you some form of recognition for their actions. Maybe then, it will not hurt so much.
My ex husband his girl did, they recognised their actions and somehow, that made it easier to accept.
Of course you are going to feel cheated and lied to, who would not, I am with you there, I was beside myself when I found out, I could not reason, think straight and what followed is a time where I was lost, hurt and a very broken woman, it almost cost me children, my home. Not a place I would want to return to at all.
Affairs are never right, I agree, they destroy and hurt many people, but when they do happen, and they will as long as we are alive on this planet, they will, there are times where we have to look at our own part played in that.
You did, not that you for any moment deserved any of the way your friend and your fiance treated you. But you have the grace and dignity to speak out about it. Would they? DId they feel any compassion in their behaviur towards you? My exb husband's was afraid to, she thought I would kill her, little knowing me as she did, but we met and I was cold an hard, it was only her behaviour that made me soften, when we did begin to talk.
WOuld my amrriage have ended had she not popped along? Yes, I do believe it would have. And the thing is, my ex husband did, feel guilt and he was nasty and hurtful and he would have stepped over me in the street, but when I picked myself up with the love of friends, then he saw that I was trying to recover and he did feel guilt about the way he treated me.
In their hearts Norse, they will feel some pain and guilt about the way treated you, good human beings do, because even the 'other person' can be good, It does not make them bad people at all.
But you must not feel guilty, they chose to hurt you, he did and your friend, how they have recovered that hurt and pain, I am not sure, but at the very least, they owe you some form of recognition for their actions. Maybe then, it will not hurt so much.
My ex husband his girl did, they recognised their actions and somehow, that made it easier to accept.
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TLC69: Very mature posts, I assume there was another man involved in my separation/divorce but i never got more than i am not in love and many lies, and she was ashamed and only spoke to our children once about it 2-10-08 "sorry for what i am doing. you wouldn't understand" my kids were 16 and 18 and very smart.
I will never spend any time with my X or her significant other PERIOD.
The other man did what any man would do, however my X forsaken her vows but if we ever cross paths i will be respectful and if disrespectful i will injure him.
I will never spend any time with my X or her significant other PERIOD.
The other man did what any man would do, however my X forsaken her vows but if we ever cross paths i will be respectful and if disrespectful i will injure him.
Hum, this is one hurt man here.
Sometimes, I have had said to my children, 'When you grow up you will understand'
When my daughter considered her grown up, she asked me, 'Can you explain to me now that I am grown up what you meant ten years afo?'
So I did.
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Sommerauer 71: I am asking this question, as I had a conversation with my ex husband's girlfriend the other day. We were laughing, as we do and I asked her how it felt being in a relationship as the 'other woman'
Her response was interesting, intelligent as she is an intelligent person, hell a woman that took him off my hands and made him a decent, loving human being, gets my thumbs up anyday.
She said that many people were against her, her friends dropped her, and she felt alone, yet she felt no guilt towards me. I knew this lady as she was my ex husband's assistant, when I first found out about it and he was leaving me, she said that was when the pain and hurt kicked in, as she felt a self loathing when she saw my pain and I had asked her back then, did she ever feel any guilt.
SHe told me then, 'no, I love him' I could only resonate that I had once felt the same about him.
SHe and I are great friends now, she is a wonderful mother and a fabulous stepmother to my children, who love her immensely. I have embraced that relationship rather than feel threatened by it. I gained a friend. We have never been in competition with each other, aside from the fact that her Shepherd's Pie is crap and my son tells her, 'not like my mum's' I feel proud at that.
So, my question is this, has any person been the co star in the marriage/partnership? How do you feel or how did you?
How do people feel about the 'other person?' Many people would feel scorn and be nasty to them, but we must remember that they are people and that they too have feelings, why are we so against people who have affairs?
Purely, from a discussion standpoint. I am genuinely interested.
Her response was interesting, intelligent as she is an intelligent person, hell a woman that took him off my hands and made him a decent, loving human being, gets my thumbs up anyday.
She said that many people were against her, her friends dropped her, and she felt alone, yet she felt no guilt towards me. I knew this lady as she was my ex husband's assistant, when I first found out about it and he was leaving me, she said that was when the pain and hurt kicked in, as she felt a self loathing when she saw my pain and I had asked her back then, did she ever feel any guilt.
SHe told me then, 'no, I love him' I could only resonate that I had once felt the same about him.
SHe and I are great friends now, she is a wonderful mother and a fabulous stepmother to my children, who love her immensely. I have embraced that relationship rather than feel threatened by it. I gained a friend. We have never been in competition with each other, aside from the fact that her Shepherd's Pie is crap and my son tells her, 'not like my mum's' I feel proud at that.
So, my question is this, has any person been the co star in the marriage/partnership? How do you feel or how did you?
How do people feel about the 'other person?' Many people would feel scorn and be nasty to them, but we must remember that they are people and that they too have feelings, why are we so against people who have affairs?
Purely, from a discussion standpoint. I am genuinely interested.
Hi
som
did you love him
before or after
he cheated on you please don't
find me rude with
this its just
that its seems so nice
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dub1988: Hi
som
did you love him
before or after
he cheated on you please don't
find me rude with
this its just
that its seems so nice
som
did you love him
before or after
he cheated on you please don't
find me rude with
this its just
that its seems so nice
I don't find you rude at all. In fact I think it is a very good question.
I did love him, what I thought was love then, but then I feel that love changes, all the time, when two people are together. I adored him, he is the father of my two children.
So, after it all came out? No, I hated him, but I was so immersed in my own pain, that I could not think straight.
Do I love him now? Yes, we shared two children, but that has never prevented me from loving another man.
I am not to lead a life of feeling bitter and angry. Anger, we think is directed at the person who hurts us, but it is not, it turns abck on the person being angry and they only hurt themselves.
It took me five years to get over it all. That is a long time.
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- I'm a 53 YEAR'S YUNG MAN that lives back in the 80s
- Would you hire this guy - for any job?
- Why is this shameful?
- wanting beyond need
- men's perspective towards women
- More Proof The GOP is a Criminal Organization
- The GOP Representatives owned by Vladimir Putin
- Democrats destroyed America
- s*xual skills
- Karen McDougal - Playmate Model will testify in Hush Money Trial
Her response was interesting, intelligent as she is an intelligent person, hell a woman that took him off my hands and made him a decent, loving human being, gets my thumbs up anyday.
She said that many people were against her, her friends dropped her, and she felt alone, yet she felt no guilt towards me. I knew this lady as she was my ex husband's assistant, when I first found out about it and he was leaving me, she said that was when the pain and hurt kicked in, as she felt a self loathing when she saw my pain and I had asked her back then, did she ever feel any guilt.
SHe told me then, 'no, I love him' I could only resonate that I had once felt the same about him.
SHe and I are great friends now, she is a wonderful mother and a fabulous stepmother to my children, who love her immensely. I have embraced that relationship rather than feel threatened by it. I gained a friend. We have never been in competition with each other, aside from the fact that her Shepherd's Pie is crap and my son tells her, 'not like my mum's' I feel proud at that.
So, my question is this, has any person been the co star in the marriage/partnership? How do you feel or how did you?
How do people feel about the 'other person?' Many people would feel scorn and be nasty to them, but we must remember that they are people and that they too have feelings, why are we so against people who have affairs?
Purely, from a discussion standpoint. I am genuinely interested.