CHICKEN JOKES ONLY........ (13)
now that's some Chicken.
Not sure I can ever eat Chicken again for the rest of my life,might have to start following "YouKnowWho's" Lifestile!
The Hell I will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not sure I can ever eat Chicken again for the rest of my life,might have to start following "YouKnowWho's" Lifestile!
The Hell I will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Two Chicken,one on either side of the Road!
One calls over to the other ,how do I get to the Other Side.
Two replied,you are on the other Side,Stupid!
One calls over to the other ,how do I get to the Other Side.
Two replied,you are on the other Side,Stupid!
Beggar finds his way into the king's kitchen, where he sees a magnificent chicken specially cooked for the king. Being dead hungry he manages to wrench off a drumstick and eats it.
As he is doing this he gets caught by the cook. So he is taken before the king, and the king asks the beggar how come this chcken has one leg missing.
The beggar answers that all chickens have one leg.
The king is enraged, but the beggar insists that all chickens have one leg.
So the king asks the servants to take him to the chicken house. It is the evening, and all the chickens are preparing to sleep in the usual fashion, one leg up.
"See" said the beggar, "how all chickens have one leg, your Highness?"
The king clapped his hands, and all the chickens brought down the other leg.
The king exclaimed "see how all chickens have two legs?"
"Yes your Highness, but you did not clap to the chicken in your plate" said the beggar.
As he is doing this he gets caught by the cook. So he is taken before the king, and the king asks the beggar how come this chcken has one leg missing.
The beggar answers that all chickens have one leg.
The king is enraged, but the beggar insists that all chickens have one leg.
So the king asks the servants to take him to the chicken house. It is the evening, and all the chickens are preparing to sleep in the usual fashion, one leg up.
"See" said the beggar, "how all chickens have one leg, your Highness?"
The king clapped his hands, and all the chickens brought down the other leg.
The king exclaimed "see how all chickens have two legs?"
"Yes your Highness, but you did not clap to the chicken in your plate" said the beggar.
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer responded, "This is my property and you're not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States, and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you for everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently you don't know how we settle things in Tennessee." We settle small disagreements like this with the "three kick rule." The lawyer asked, "What is the three kick rule?" The farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to bide by the local custom. The farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to the rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pile. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "OK, now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer responded, "This is my property and you're not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States, and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you for everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently you don't know how we settle things in Tennessee." We settle small disagreements like this with the "three kick rule." The lawyer asked, "What is the three kick rule?" The farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to bide by the local custom. The farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to the rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pile. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "OK, now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
Of the 'why did the chicken cross the road' thingies I particularly liked the answer:
"PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hard working American."
This appealed to my sense of the great American outrage directed at all Mexicans , Canadians, Chinese and any other people who might take away American jobs by actually making them cheaper and more efficiently than some obese moron who believes that he or she deserves a well-paid job as a God given right in the land of honey and other nice thingies that generally grow on trees.
I actually like chickens!
I believe that studying chickens and their behaviour can enable wise men to have insight into how the brains of women work.
Ask yourself this:
'Why did the woman cross the road?'
I bet you'll find the answer to this question is almost identical to the answer 'Why did the chicken cross the road?'
Such is life.
I have spoken!
"PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hard working American."
This appealed to my sense of the great American outrage directed at all Mexicans , Canadians, Chinese and any other people who might take away American jobs by actually making them cheaper and more efficiently than some obese moron who believes that he or she deserves a well-paid job as a God given right in the land of honey and other nice thingies that generally grow on trees.
I actually like chickens!
I believe that studying chickens and their behaviour can enable wise men to have insight into how the brains of women work.
Ask yourself this:
'Why did the woman cross the road?'
I bet you'll find the answer to this question is almost identical to the answer 'Why did the chicken cross the road?'
Such is life.
I have spoken!
Conrad73: Two Chicken,one on either side of the Road!
One calls over to the other ,how do I get to the Other Side.
Two replied,you are on the other Side,Stupid!
The two Stupid Chicken now?One calls over to the other ,how do I get to the Other Side.
Two replied,you are on the other Side,Stupid!
What does an alarm cluck say ?
"Tick-tock-a-doodle-doo !"
Why does a chicken coop have two doors ?
Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
How long do chickens work ?
Around the cluck !
Why did the chicken cross the road ?
To prove to the possum that it could be done !
Why did the chicken end up in the soup ?
Because it ran out of cluck !
Why did the cow cross the road ?
To go to the moooooovies !
"Tick-tock-a-doodle-doo !"
Why does a chicken coop have two doors ?
Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
How long do chickens work ?
Around the cluck !
Why did the chicken cross the road ?
To prove to the possum that it could be done !
Why did the chicken end up in the soup ?
Because it ran out of cluck !
Why did the cow cross the road ?
To go to the moooooovies !
Two men are travelling by car in the country side. Suddenly one of them sees a running hen appearing in the rear view mirror. The hen effortlessly overtakes and surpasses the moving car. Then she makes a sharp turn to a side road with a sign “Chicken farm” and disappears out of sight within few seconds.
1st (completely thunderstruck): What was that?
2nd: Oh, we’ve got here an experimental chicken farm, and their last creation is The Fast-Running Hen.
1st: (straggling to find the words): Well… right… and how do the new species taste?
2nd: It’s unknown – they yet have to catch one…
1st (completely thunderstruck): What was that?
2nd: Oh, we’ve got here an experimental chicken farm, and their last creation is The Fast-Running Hen.
1st: (straggling to find the words): Well… right… and how do the new species taste?
2nd: It’s unknown – they yet have to catch one…
A couple go out for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise". The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down. "Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her
husband.
He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation. "Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?" The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."
You're going to love this....................
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Ah... so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck"
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down. "Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her
husband.
He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation. "Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?" The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."
You're going to love this....................
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Ah... so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck"
A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud
rooster for his chicken coop.
The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and
says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire."
The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot
handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me.
Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the
corner?"
The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up
and I am taking over."
The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud.
I will race you around
the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive
domain over the entire
chicken coop."
The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand
a chance old man.
So, just to be fair I will give you a head start."
The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds
later the young rooster
takes off running after him. They round the front
porch of the farmhouse and
the young rooster has closed the gap. He is already
about 5 inches behind
the old rooster and gaining fast.
The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot
on the front porch when
he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his
shotgun and - BOOM - He blows
the young rooster to bits.
The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,
"Dammit... third gay rooster I
bought this month."
Moral of this story.... Don't mess with the OLD
FARTS - age and treachery
will always overcome youth and skill!
rooster for his chicken coop.
The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and
says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire."
The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot
handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me.
Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the
corner?"
The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up
and I am taking over."
The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud.
I will race you around
the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive
domain over the entire
chicken coop."
The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand
a chance old man.
So, just to be fair I will give you a head start."
The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds
later the young rooster
takes off running after him. They round the front
porch of the farmhouse and
the young rooster has closed the gap. He is already
about 5 inches behind
the old rooster and gaining fast.
The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot
on the front porch when
he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his
shotgun and - BOOM - He blows
the young rooster to bits.
The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,
"Dammit... third gay rooster I
bought this month."
Moral of this story.... Don't mess with the OLD
FARTS - age and treachery
will always overcome youth and skill!
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off.
The egg roll's over and say's . . .
"Well, I guess we answered THAT question !!! "
The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off.
The egg roll's over and say's . . .
"Well, I guess we answered THAT question !!! "
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Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg
........................................
Juan was driving down a country lane in his pickup when suddenly a chicken darted into the road in front of him. He slammed on his brakes, but realized that the chicken was
speeding off down the road at about 30 miles an hour. Intrigued, he tried to follow the bird with his truck, but he couldn't catch up to the accelerating chicken. Seeing it
turn into a small farm, Juan followed it. To his astonishment, he realized that the chicken had three legs. Looking around the small farm, he noticed that ALL of the
chickens had three legs.
The farmer came out of his house, and Juan said, "Three-legged chickens? That's astonishing!"
The farmer replied, "Yep. I bred 'em that way because I love drumsticks."
......................
A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, 'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them...and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.
Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.
The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!' The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them.
She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit..."
Juan was curious. "How does a three-legged chicken taste?"
The farmer smiled. "Dunno. Haven't been able to catch one yet."
...............................
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To push his F-150 back into the shop
....................
Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days?
A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
..........................
Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Chickens hadn't evolved yet.