How do you cope? (63)
bestat45: How would any of you handle it when your mom tells you that she thinks that it will be your dad's last Christmas? He had a major stroke last year, and is starting to go down hill in the last few weeks, and isn't doing very well now.
I feel like i am going to throw up just hearing this. My son and I are supposed to go down Christmas Day, and will have to pretend that everything is semi fine.
I have seen that he has not been doing well, and there is not much that anyone can do, as he is of the old school, and does not beleive in seeing the doctor overly much.
I think the fact that he has lost alot of the ability to do things he used to has affected him badly as well, and maybe he is just giving up.
Any advice would be appreciated.
thank you
I feel like i am going to throw up just hearing this. My son and I are supposed to go down Christmas Day, and will have to pretend that everything is semi fine.
I have seen that he has not been doing well, and there is not much that anyone can do, as he is of the old school, and does not beleive in seeing the doctor overly much.
I think the fact that he has lost alot of the ability to do things he used to has affected him badly as well, and maybe he is just giving up.
Any advice would be appreciated.
thank you
Go and spend as much time as u can with your Dad. Tell how much u love him and also chat about the good things you remember about your growing up years. Make good memories. Death is part of the cycle of life and nothing to fear. It is always a sad thing to loose a parent because no matter what you age, you think they will be there forever. With Metta (loving kindness) J
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I can't offer advise but how about a hug ?
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Outofafrica: Go and spend as much time as u can with your Dad. Tell how much u love him and also chat about the good things you remember about your growing up years. Make good memories. Death is part of the cycle of life and nothing to fear. It is always a sad thing to loose a parent because no matter what you age, you think they will be there forever. With Metta (loving kindness) J
thank you for your advice. It is a bit difficult as he won't talk about it except to say he is not going to get better.------ This thread is Archived ------
jeepers: I can't offer advise but how about a hug ?
thank you jeepers. i appreciate that
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It's a hard situation to cope with. My dad's been going down hill, worse this year... hell, worse in the last few months than ever before.
Encouragement, and lots of it. But if your dad's anything like mine, then do it covertly so he doesn't really know your doing it. 'Dad, i could really use your help.' stuff like that. And always let him know he's loved and needed.
Patients always, but if you can then let him do as much as possible if you think he's giving up.
It's obvious you love him, and my heart goes out to you guys.
Have a wonderful christmas together.
Encouragement, and lots of it. But if your dad's anything like mine, then do it covertly so he doesn't really know your doing it. 'Dad, i could really use your help.' stuff like that. And always let him know he's loved and needed.
Patients always, but if you can then let him do as much as possible if you think he's giving up.
It's obvious you love him, and my heart goes out to you guys.
Have a wonderful christmas together.
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Tnpseudonym: It's a hard situation to cope with. My dad's been going down hill, worse this year... hell, worse in the last few months than ever before.
Encouragement, and lots of it. But if your dad's anything like mine, then do it covertly so he doesn't really know your doing it. 'Dad, i could really use your help.' stuff like that. And always let him know he's loved and needed.
Patients always, but if you can then let him do as much as possible if you think he's giving up.
It's obvious you love him, and my heart goes out to you guys.
Have a wonderful christmas together.
you have hit the nail on the head with your words. Covertly is a good method.Encouragement, and lots of it. But if your dad's anything like mine, then do it covertly so he doesn't really know your doing it. 'Dad, i could really use your help.' stuff like that. And always let him know he's loved and needed.
Patients always, but if you can then let him do as much as possible if you think he's giving up.
It's obvious you love him, and my heart goes out to you guys.
Have a wonderful christmas together.
I am sorry that you are going through the same. It is a terrible situation to be in, as you are virtually helpless in doing anything, other than as you suggested.
My thoughts to you and your dad as well, and have a wonderful christmas with him as well.
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There are no words to decsribe the pain for everyone reacts differently but the only thing I can say based upon your thread is unfortunately to try to be strong for your Mom & son.
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This is a sensitive topic but being aware of it is helpful.
there are 5 stages a person goes thru when the end approaches.
denial is one of the hardest for family to go thru, but perfectly natural
anger which some people never go thru, but is to be expected and if you can, accepted.
barganing... i've seen it a lot in my work and is heart breaking.
depression, don't think that needs to be explained.
and finaly acceptance, which again some people never reach that.
it's a good idea if you think you notice any of these, to read up on it (there's a book by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross). It may help the family.
and again, best of wishes hun.
there are 5 stages a person goes thru when the end approaches.
denial is one of the hardest for family to go thru, but perfectly natural
anger which some people never go thru, but is to be expected and if you can, accepted.
barganing... i've seen it a lot in my work and is heart breaking.
depression, don't think that needs to be explained.
and finaly acceptance, which again some people never reach that.
it's a good idea if you think you notice any of these, to read up on it (there's a book by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross). It may help the family.
and again, best of wishes hun.
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drbombay: There are no words to decsribe the pain for everyone reacts differently but the only thing I can say based upon your thread is unfortunately to try to be strong for your Mom & son.
thank you. i am a really strong person outwardly, but, it still really scares me, and deeply saddens me. i've been there for them in the last year as much as possible. had really hoped he would get better.------ This thread is Archived ------
My heart goes out to both of you. This is a time to show how important the family is and sharing togetherness with love.
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Tnpseudonym: This is a sensitive topic but being aware of it is helpful.
there are 5 stages a person goes thru when the end approaches.
denial is one of the hardest for family to go thru, but perfectly natural
anger which some people never go thru, but is to be expected and if you can, accepted.
barganing... i've seen it a lot in my work and is heart breaking.
depression, don't think that needs to be explained.
and finaly acceptance, which again some people never reach that.it's a good idea if you think you notice any of these, to read up on it (there's a book by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross). It may help the family.
and again, best of wishes hun.
thank you very muchthere are 5 stages a person goes thru when the end approaches.
denial is one of the hardest for family to go thru, but perfectly natural
anger which some people never go thru, but is to be expected and if you can, accepted.
barganing... i've seen it a lot in my work and is heart breaking.
depression, don't think that needs to be explained.
and finaly acceptance, which again some people never reach that.it's a good idea if you think you notice any of these, to read up on it (there's a book by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross). It may help the family.
and again, best of wishes hun.
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itsallme112: My heart goes out to both of you. This is a time to show how important the family is and sharing togetherness with love.
thank you for your thoughts.------ This thread is Archived ------
drbombay: There are no words to decsribe the pain for everyone reacts differently but the only thing I can say based upon your thread is unfortunately to try to be strong for your Mom & son.
As well as
formany other posts here.I lost both my Parents suddenly. Father @ 16y/o Mom when I was ~ 29.
I wish I had had the time to spend with them b4 they went, to thank them for Raising me.
Tell them How much they mean to me. How much I will miss them. How proud Iam to have been their Daughter.
To soak up as much Wisdom from them that I can b4 they leave.
Do spend as much time as you can with Him now. Also, Have your Son be with GranDad. He will appreciate it.
Many Hugs to you. There are no words to express that will take awy the pain.
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CjTenorSax: As well as formany other posts here.
I lost both my Parents suddenly. Father @ 16y/o Mom when I was ~ 29.
I wish I had had the time to spend with them b4 they went, to thank them for Raising me.
Tell them How much they mean to me. How much I will miss them. How proud Iam to have been their Daughter.
To soak up as much Wisdom from them that I can b4 they leave.
Do spend as much time as you can with Him now. Also, Have your Son be with GranDad. He will appreciate it.
Many Hugs to you. There are no words to express that will take awy the pain.
thank you Cj. those are very wise words, and i will take them to heart. You are a very kind lady.I lost both my Parents suddenly. Father @ 16y/o Mom when I was ~ 29.
I wish I had had the time to spend with them b4 they went, to thank them for Raising me.
Tell them How much they mean to me. How much I will miss them. How proud Iam to have been their Daughter.
To soak up as much Wisdom from them that I can b4 they leave.
Do spend as much time as you can with Him now. Also, Have your Son be with GranDad. He will appreciate it.
Many Hugs to you. There are no words to express that will take awy the pain.
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CjTenorSax: As well as formany other posts here.
I lost both my Parents suddenly. Father @ 16y/o Mom when I was ~ 29.
I wish I had had the time to spend with them b4 they went, to thank them for Raising me.
Tell them How much they mean to me. How much I will miss them. How proud Iam to have been their Daughter.
To soak up as much Wisdom from them that I can b4 they leave.
Do spend as much time as you can with Him now. Also, Have your Son be with GranDad. He will appreciate it.
Many Hugs to you. There are no words to express that will take awy the pain.
No thanks necessary but do appreciate it for I know and excuse me for saying this "IT SUCKS" but Best this too shall pass and all we have to get through is the fond memories and sometimes we never find closure on matters of the heart. I lost both my Parents suddenly. Father @ 16y/o Mom when I was ~ 29.
I wish I had had the time to spend with them b4 they went, to thank them for Raising me.
Tell them How much they mean to me. How much I will miss them. How proud Iam to have been their Daughter.
To soak up as much Wisdom from them that I can b4 they leave.
Do spend as much time as you can with Him now. Also, Have your Son be with GranDad. He will appreciate it.
Many Hugs to you. There are no words to express that will take awy the pain.
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drbombay: No thanks necessary but do appreciate it for I know and excuse me for saying this "IT SUCKS" but Best this too shall pass and all we have to get through is the fond memories and sometimes we never find closure on matters of the heart.
thank you, and since you have been through this as well, i value the advice. right now, my stomach hurts very badly over this, but, more, because i know there is nothing i can do. Except be there. And although i think i knew this, it is worse when you hear it in actual words.------ This thread is Archived ------
bestat45: thank you, and since you have been through this as well, i value the advice. right now, my stomach hurts very badly over this, but, more, because i know there is nothing i can do. Except be there. And although i think i knew this, it is worse when you hear it in actual words.
My intent is not to hurt you anymore than you are but trying to let you know that it's difficult especially when it gets magnified moreso at this time of year. I wish you and your family peace at this time of need. ------ This thread is Archived ------
drbombay: My intent is not to hurt you anymore than you are but trying to let you know that it's difficult especially when it gets magnified moreso at this time of year. I wish you and your family peace at this time of need.
i know...thank you------ This thread is Archived ------
drbombay: No thanks necessary but do appreciate it for I know and excuse me for saying this "IT SUCKS" but Best this too shall pass and all we have to get through is the fond memories and sometimes we never find closure on matters of the heart.
So true. Even now, it "Bites". Perhaps not finding closure on some matters of the Heart, is a way to keep us appreciative and searching by keeping our Hearts soft. I don't know.
My Heart to you and yours, Besat, and to all whom still long to hear the loved voices or feel their touch it is not going to be easy but in time, the best memories stand out.
I have a GF whom told me once as embarrassing as it is, it is still nice to know when the chips are falling down badly, that I'm still Daddy's Little Girl.
I was happy for her, but at the same time, sad b/c I would never know that. I found out how wrong I was in this. My Ex Fiance and I had bought a Van. We had all brakes and new tires put on it before we used it.
I used it to deliver newspapers the first night we had it.
I had been along a Rural Route doing 65 MPH the speed limit, here. Suddenly there was a wheel in the air. I thought that is large for a Plane.
It was my thought that it fell off of a plane.
The next hing I knew the Van suddenly fell down and was sliding.
Human instinct is to slam on the brakes and twist the steering wheel to get off the road.
I heard my Dad Say " NO!!!!" "Cj, tap the brakes. Slowly inch the Wheel or you will flip the Van." I felt His hands on my shoulders sqeeszing reassuringly, and saying "Easy, Cj, easy, not so fast" Gently, now Gently. Then He hugged me when I came to a stop and said "Good job".
I found out that day that even thought Da is gone, I am still one of Daddy's Little Girls.
To any whom doubt, that is fine. I KNOW my Da was with me that night.
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I feel like i am going to throw up just hearing this. My son and I are supposed to go down Christmas Day, and will have to pretend that everything is semi fine.
I have seen that he has not been doing well, and there is not much that anyone can do, as he is of the old school, and does not beleive in seeing the doctor overly much.
I think the fact that he has lost alot of the ability to do things he used to has affected him badly as well, and maybe he is just giving up.
Any advice would be appreciated.
thank you