How do you cope? ( Archived) (63)

bestat45: How would any of you handle it when your mom tells you that she thinks that it will be your dad's last Christmas? He had a major stroke last year, and is starting to go down hill in the last few weeks, and isn't doing very well now.
I feel like i am going to throw up just hearing this. My son and I are supposed to go down Christmas Day, and will have to pretend that everything is semi fine.
I have seen that he has not been doing well, and there is not much that anyone can do, as he is of the old school, and does not beleive in seeing the doctor overly much.
I think the fact that he has lost alot of the ability to do things he used to has affected him badly as well, and maybe he is just giving up.
Any advice would be appreciated.
thank you

bestat45: How would any of you handle it when your mom tells you that she thinks that it will be your dad's last Christmas? He had a major stroke last year, and is starting to go down hill in the last few weeks, and isn't doing very well now.
I feel like i am going to throw up just hearing this. My son and I are supposed to go down Christmas Day, and will have to pretend that everything is semi fine.
I have seen that he has not been doing well, and there is not much that anyone can do, as he is of the old school, and does not beleive in seeing the doctor overly much.
I think the fact that he has lost alot of the ability to do things he used to has affected him badly as well, and maybe he is just giving up.
Any advice would be appreciated.
thank you

CjTenorSax: So true. Even now, it "Bites". Perhaps not finding closure on some matters of the Heart, is a way to keep us appreciative and searching by keeping our Hearts soft. I don't know.

My Heart to you and yours, Besat, and to all whom still long to hear the loved voices or feel their touch it is not going to be easy but in time, the best memories stand out.

I have a GF whom told me once as embarrassing as it is, it is still nice to know when the chips are falling down badly, that I'm still Daddy's Little Girl.

I was happy for her, but at the same time, sad b/c I would never know that. I found out how wrong I was in this. My Ex Fiance and I had bought a Van. We had all brakes and new tires put on it before we used it.

I used it to deliver newspapers the first night we had it.
I had been along a Rural Route doing 65 MPH the speed limit, here. Suddenly there was a wheel in the air. I thought that is large for a Plane.

It was my thought that it fell off of a plane.

The next hing I knew the Van suddenly fell down and was sliding.

Human instinct is to slam on the brakes and twist the steering wheel to get off the road.

I heard my Dad Say " NO!!!!" "Cj, tap the brakes. Slowly inch the Wheel or you will flip the Van." I felt His hands on my shoulders sqeeszing reassuringly, and saying "Easy, Cj, easy, not so fast" Gently, now Gently. Then He hugged me when I came to a stop and said "Good job".

I found out that day that even thought Da is gone, I am still one of Daddy's Little Girls.

To any whom doubt, that is fine. I KNOW my Da was with me that night.

jvaski: My Dad died of a stroke last year. When it first happened he wanted to just let it go. Then miraculously he perked-up and decided to fight it and re-abilitate. He died shortly after.
Your Dad has the power within to let himself go or continue.
You can only encourage him to continue. Spend as much time as you can with him and tell him you love him every day.
Remember though - it's your Dad's choice and you'll see it in his eyes when he's ready.......
My condolences .........

druidess6308: I understand how you feel. My dad and I are very close, and I would have a hard time with this one...and probably do a lot of crying when I saw him. Best advice I can give is to try not to cry every time you see him, and to soak in every moment, store them in your memory banks, and enjoy them as best you can. There will be a bittersweet, poignant edge to this visit, but that's okay. And cry all you want after you retire to bed, and after you return home. Tears help.

That advice comes from how I dealt with losing my husband. To this day, I enjoy looking back at my memories, and am glad I managed to do this. It's not easy to spend time with someone you love when you know that each moment is part of "good-bye"...but then, if you think about it, it always is anyway since we all have to die some time. We just usually choose to be oblivious of this fact.

My heart will be with you this holiday season, Bestat45.

sugerandspice: i had the struggle of my father only telling me that he had only months to live and he asked me not to tell my mum or the rest of of my brothers and sisters, This news was devasting to me and not being able to tell my family killed me but i promised my dad i wouldnt ..... The last few months i spent extra time with my dad as were always very close anyway ....

but as advise goes.. just talk to him tell him all the things you ever wanted to say, spend time and truly show him how much he is loved and give him the support he needs ...and also be there for your mother as she will need your suport also ....

but im truly sorry to hear your news bestat and i hope you cope through it all ....