Complicated pizza (15)

....just how difficult can it be to buy a takeaway pizza ? I couldn,t invent the following experience and I,m just a little curious as to whether or not this is a common thing.

Finished work late,didn,t feel like cooking eleven at night,no probs as there,s a Telepizza on the way home.

Hello I,d like a pizza to take away so can you show me the menu please (to a young,say eighteen year old girl).

We don,t have a menu.

Then how can I choose what I want ?

Well we,ve got a two for one deal....

I don,t want a two for one,just a pizza,one will be more than enough thanks.

.....which is you buy a family pizza and we give you absolutely free.....

Stop,I,m not a family,I,m single,just me,nobody else,alone and I just want a pizza,for me,got it ?

You cant just have a pizza.

I beg your pardon ? That is ridiculous,are you sure ?

Hold on I,ll check (to her only a year or two older female boss.."this man just wants a pizza,what shall I do"?...boss gives me a filthy look then tells her junior,ok he can have one)

Ok you can have one.

How much is it ?

Nine euros.

Whaaaaaaaat.....I can go and eat a bloody three course meal for that in a damn fine restaurant.

Well,we have another deal,pizza,potatoes wedges and a seven up for 6.45.

ok,That,ll do,I,ll take it.

Fine,can I have your mobile number please ?

What ? What for ? No you bloody well can,t.Tell you what,you give me your number,how about that? (more killer looks from her arsy boss).

Well I can,t sell you a pizza without your mobile telephone number.

At this point,tired,hungry and ratty I was on the point of telling her to sod off and stuff the bloody pizza where the sun don,t shine,but I was hungry.....

Ok,you want my mobile because your multinational company want to sms me with loads of crappy publicity which my mobile is already cram full of,so no,no mobile.The bloody greengrocer don,t need my mobile,nor the butcher,baker,candlestick maker....


....I,ll have to ask my boss.Her boss agreed to let me buy a takeaway pizza,no mobile number.

I went outside to wait,just in time to see one of their delivery boys on a buzzbox straightlining a roundabout smash into the side of a car,not his fault as the car(female driven,nuff said)also wanted to straightline the roundabout,but he was first.

I went back in,told them to call an ambulance.Minutes later I offered to be a witness for their guy.Mangeress gave me the filthiest look and said " No thanks,we don,t need people like you to be a witness,we saw it all" and they saw sod all

Took my pizza vowing never to go there again.

You really must have been HUNGREY !

There is no way after all that, would I could have eaten a Pizza from there.

AND the pizza was really no great shakes,just to fill a hole really,should have been one of hers.

Hungrey for something me thinks !

Telefonica tried the same thing when I went to buy some accessory for my mobile,IN CASH!!!!Wanted to see my passport,my national id card and my mobile number,wasn,t hungry so told them to get stuffed and walked out,spent my hard earned elsewhere.

The question is...is it now becoming common pratice for the big nationals to demand so much for a low cash purchase,or is it that I just have the knack of attracting lunatics.

Spelling a grammatical mistakes are inserted for the entertainment of the reader.

I usually do this Smokey.Tis less than twenty minutes.First just plonk the base in a slightly oiled frying pan on a low light.Check underneath regularly to see when it is a nice crisp brown.Then spread tomatoe puree over the top with the back of a spoon,sprinkle on the mozza and wap under the grill for ten mins.Probs was I,d run out of pizza bases.

Here,s another.Last night did a bit of improvisation.Had a little caldo,a kind of home made veg soup stock which can be fleshed out with meat or whatever and eaten in its own right.Last night there was a little left over from lunchtime.I added some fried prawns,oyster mushrooms and a tin of tuna.At the last minute I added some sort of powdery Italian cheese,it was gorgeous.I think the trick is to be intuitive in the kitchen,after many years cooking you get to know what goes with what.Some of my best meals are intuitive experiments with whatever is left in the fridge.