elssonLondon, Greater London, England UK1,864 posts
Veritaas: I agree. Too often in cases such as this without knowing the whole story from either side, people seem to automatically pass judgement on another.
Well I have judged you. You have swapped drinking G 'n' T for tiger beer
SummerUKWashington UK, Tyne and Wear, England UK8,842 posts
jlw45: i would'nt date a dad...BUT....
i think it shows good character for the guy to be so devoted to his daughter....weither or not the child is being spoiled is another issue...but on the other hand it would be very hard to deal with, having lost the childs mother and must be hard for the child...the thing would be, could YOU become friends with the child ??...or are you a little jealous of the dads devotion to said child ??
just a thought...
I have to agree with you 100%
I lost my mum when I was 13 and I wish my dad had that much devotion towards me. Its incredibly difficult to lose your mother so young.
Maybe you could suggest he introduces you as a friend and get to know her as a friend but you have to realise you will always have to think about her needs and let him put her first in most things. She's a child and needs the security from him. She will be terrified that she is going to lose him too.
KatLady: My ex step daughter used to cause an argument between me and her father then stand behind him pulling faces at me and laughing. I lasted 6 months
You always hear about the "wicked step mother". HA Wicked step daughters and step sons are just as real, if not more. Wake up people.
I always thought that people in the USA were tolerant, religious people ? Even on sky tv over here there is the god channel from the states, which constantly preaches religious belief and forgiveness etc
And yet here we have two non-sympathetic,if not downright cruel opinions about a man and his daughter , both still probably raw from the death of someone they must have loved, that these people know nothing about. Its stinks of hypochrisy
I am not religious myself,but i would never pass a comment about a nine year old child like that above
Bringing up kids in this so called new age is why we have the lack of respect that is tolerated today. No rules, no accountability, no repercussions for inexcusable behavior, a slap on the wrist for something a grown person would be put under the jail for. And so it goes . . . .
May 4, 2010 7:45 PM CST would you stay in a relationship when.............?
nicki_loveoriginally from Venus, Port of Spain Trinidad and Tobago15 Threads374 Posts
nicki_loveoriginally from Venus, Port of Spain Trinidad and Tobago374 posts
telgordo: I always thought that people in the USA were tolerant, religious people ? Even on sky tv over here there is the god channel from the states, which constantly preaches religious belief and forgiveness etc
And yet here we have two non-sympathetic,if not downright cruel opinions about a man and his daughter , both still probably raw from the death of someone they must have loved, that these people know nothing about. Its stinks of hypochrisy
I am not religious myself,but i would never pass a comment about a nine year old child like that above
You should be ashamed of yourselves
I wanna agree with you in the sense that people should never condemn a child for something that they have no control over, especially their feelings of pain. Our children look to us, the parents for security and comfort and while I dont agree that this man should deal with it in the way he seems to be, I do believe that everything possible should be done to help that child deal with the pain she experience from the loss of her mother!
nicki_love: color=blue]Kagal I salute you.. you are a brave and strong woman to have let him go! I reiterate that if this man tells you to stay out of his business, then girl, you did the right thing!!color]
It would have been a clearer picture if you had included that time bomb when you initially shared this situation u were in. It doesn't change a lot of good advice u have been given here on htis site however it puts the entire picture into prospective.
So, divorced for 3 yrs prior death and the little girl lived with her father? Well this is loaded? Have a think of the comments some have shared here with you, and disgard any that are negative towards the child. That together with your own experience to date with this man should assist you in reaching a way forward. What was the Fathers lifestyle prior his ex-wifes death, considering they lived apart? who initiated the divorce? Why the divorce? Is this a stance for him to flirt, see, go out with woman (nothing wrong in that) but doesn't want commitment and is happy as long as the "Girlfriend" mantains her identify of been "just the girlfriend" These are things u need to think about, not really important for you to share on Forum,but very basic important questions for you to follow thro' with, for your very goodself.
VeritaasLondon, Greater London, England UK5,839 posts
OP you should be more forthcoming in your information when you put a thread up of this nature. Tis best to tell the whole story of what you know rather than just bits of information here and there.
Like I said before walk away, there is nothing you can do by the sounds of it and it is not your place to interfer in the rearing of this man's child.
Veritaas: OP you should be more forthcoming in your information when you put a thread up of this nature. Tis best to tell the whole story of what you know rather than just bits of information here and there.
Like I said before walk away, there is nothing you can do by the sounds of it and it is not your place to interfer in the rearing of this man's child.
I think the only way around the impasse would be to get to know the girl and try to develop a friendly relationship so that she wouldn't feel threatened.
I had the same situation in reverse. My ex's 8-year-old son was used to being the "man" of the house and resented my intrusion into his territory. It took a long time to win his trust but eventually it happened.
drummergirl01: Here's what you do...take one good opportunity when the three of you are together and you put her in her place in a polite way that makes her shut the hell up. She'll be stupified and the guy will totally respect/be in awe of you
I'm a communication major...sure of this...that's what I'd do!
And I'm a psychology major for whatever that's worth (not much).
But far more importantly, I've had some life experience in this realm and it is on that basis that I can state that your advice would do irreperable damage.
To "put the girl in her place" in such a manner would cause deep resentment that would only grow stronger over time.
At the present the father is both "mommy" and "daddy" to the girl. Only when her relationship with Kagal develops into friendship will she even be capable of letting go of her posessive attitude towards her dad.
At her age, it's too late for Kagal to ever be her "mommy". But they can be friends. And she can learn to respect Kagal's place as "parent", provided it's all done slowly and gently.
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Well I have judged you. You have swapped drinking G 'n' T for tiger beer