Is any marriage doomed... (116)
Ladybee42:
i suggest a new phrase in all marriage vows...
love, honour, blaa blaa - whatever and purchase interesting adult toys at regular intervals.
see you could do a lot of happy making with a vow like that!
i suggest a new phrase in all marriage vows...
love, honour, blaa blaa - whatever and purchase interesting adult toys at regular intervals.
see you could do a lot of happy making with a vow like that!
I'd skip *honour, blaa blaa*
LB
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online today!Laura25: Wonderful post. So in your case yours{as a couple} dynamic before marriage lasted all the way through your marriage? And was very consistent?
I agree, good courtship is important, more likely would lead to a good marriage.
But not necessarily so.
Still - good to know there are exceptions!
Thank you for your input, HGL
I had every doubt known to mankind walking down that isle that day. My father took my hand in his and stopped looked at me and said we can continue on up there or I can just walk you out that door. I took my fear and continued my journey. We had dated a long time before getting married. Around three years. So no whirl wind courtship I agree, good courtship is important, more likely would lead to a good marriage.
But not necessarily so.
Still - good to know there are exceptions!
Thank you for your input, HGL
But I remember thinking after we had been married about twenty years how when I married him I did not think I could love a human more than I loved that man
and twenty years later I swear my love had grown and I loved him more. So not only was it consistent all through the marriage it actually somehow or another grew. 
He had the cutest buns. If you know what I mean
I do feel that we were far and few between. We seen many of our friends that married at the same time go through divorces and breakups. And misery. That is why I don't really look now. I feel if I had it once in a life time I have had it more than many.
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Happygolucky4u: I had every doubt known to mankind walking down that isle that day. My father took my hand in his and stopped looked at me and said we can continue on up there or I can just walk you out that door. I took my fear and continued my journey. We had dated a long time before getting married. Around three years. So no whirl wind courtship But I remember thinking after we had been married about twenty years how when I married him I did not think I could love a human more than I loved that man and twenty years later I swear my love had grown and I loved him more. So not only was it consistent all through the marriage it actually somehow or another grew. He had the cutest buns. If you know what I mean I do feel that we were far and few between. We seen many of our friends that married at the same time go through divorces and breakups. And misery. That is why I don't really look now. I feel if I had it once in a life time I have had it more than many.
What a wonderful post, HGL!
Thank you for sharing this. Puts a *both-people-working-at-the-relationship-everyday,-keeping-it-new* notion to shame...
Let me guess - your parents' marriage was happy and lasted a life time?
LOVE - yes, but also... I think it's your (and probably(?) your husband's too) conditioning in your respective families. The commitment and dedication to stay together no matter what obstacles your relationship has to weather.
Happygolucky4u: ... That is why I don't really look now. I feel if I had it once in a life time I have had it more than many.
It's true that you had something most people can only dream about. But I have no illusions that it was a coincidence. It was originated in you (both of you). Most people do not have it in them.
Love will find you again someday, I believe. Not replacing what you had, it can't be replaced. But it is in you - love.
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davpk10: Hope not.... Do my best to stop it....
Lol... thank you for your honesty, D.
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Laura25: Lol... thank you for your honesty, D.
Sometimes "Work" can be fun....
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davpk10: Sometimes "Work" can be fun....
In your case, I know, it's true... You both are very unique people.
P.S.
I regret starting this thread - so little positive feedback in it.
Could be just a CS environment.
...this is probably it... 
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Laura25: In your case, I know, it's true... You both are very unique people.
P.S.
I regret starting this thread - so little positive feedback in it.
Could be just a CS environment.
...this is probably it...
Have not really read the thread....P.S.
I regret starting this thread - so little positive feedback in it.
Could be just a CS environment.
...this is probably it...
sorry..... But I did skim though it however....There are marrages out there that have been married for over 50 years plus....But do you think all of those 50 years was happy go lucky found my perfect mate and now the birds sing and it only sprinkles light rain on a sunny day with a pretty rainbow to remind you how lucky you are to have found each other...
One day at a time for me....If I try my damnest to make everyday the best day "it" can be ...then sooner or later the good days with be almost everyday......next thing you know it has been a year and you can start on the next "day"
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Happygolucky4u: I had every doubt known to mankind walking down that isle that day. My father took my hand in his and stopped looked at me and said we can continue on up there or I can just walk you out that door. I took my fear and continued my journey. We had dated a long time before getting married. Around three years. So no whirl wind courtship But I remember thinking after we had been married about twenty years how when I married him I did not think I could love a human more than I loved that man and twenty years later I swear my love had grown and I loved him more. So not only was it consistent all through the marriage it actually somehow or another grew. He had the cutest buns. If you know what I mean I do feel that we were far and few between. We seen many of our friends that married at the same time go through divorces and breakups. And misery. That is why I don't really look now. I feel if I had it once in a life time I have had it more than many.
It is lovely to hear about long lasting relationships like yours! Interesting that in previous generations they were much more prevalent. These days, few people hang in there for the long haul. I won't say you are lucky, because clearly you both made the relationship what it was, but you are lucky to have found each other!!! We don't all get that chance!
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online today!Laura25: What a wonderful post, HGL!
Thank you for sharing this. Puts a *both-people-working-at-the-relationship-everyday,-keeping-it-new* notion to shame...
Let me guess - your parents' marriage was happy and lasted a life time?LOVE - yes, but also... I think it's your (and probably(?) your husband's too) conditioning in your respective families. The commitment and dedication to stay together no matter what obstacles your relationship has to weather. It's true that you had something most people can only dream about. But I have no illusions that it was a coincidence. It was originated in you (both of you). Most people do not have it in them.
Love will find you again someday, I believe. Not replacing what you had, it can't be replaced. But it is in you - love.
Thank you for sharing this. Puts a *both-people-working-at-the-relationship-everyday,-keeping-it-new* notion to shame...
Let me guess - your parents' marriage was happy and lasted a life time?LOVE - yes, but also... I think it's your (and probably(?) your husband's too) conditioning in your respective families. The commitment and dedication to stay together no matter what obstacles your relationship has to weather. It's true that you had something most people can only dream about. But I have no illusions that it was a coincidence. It was originated in you (both of you). Most people do not have it in them.
Love will find you again someday, I believe. Not replacing what you had, it can't be replaced. But it is in you - love.
Nope, my parents were divorced. But they had one thing in common. They loved me and my sister. Actually when my parents were divorced it was not common like it is in the US now. Some kids could not play with me because their parents said I didn't have a daddy (at home)
Times have changed one of the moms who would not let her daughters play with me invites me to her house when she sees me. She is alone now too. Husband died and her daughters are just to busy My husbands parents were not happily married his father drank heavily and ended up dying from being at the wrong end of the gun when my husband was about twelve. It is never safe to leave with ones gambling bootie if one is alone. Even back then My husband and I both wanted the same thing. A life full of love and happiness. And that is what we decided to make ours. We had been married a while and I seen a man that made my pulse quicken and the man paid attention to me. I excused myself and left because I could never be the one that brought pain to my husband I loved him to much it would of hurt me too. And I felt like he woke up everyday of our marriage with the attitude of what can I do to make my wife happy today I always felt loved and special. Our marriage was both of us wanting the same thing in life and for some unknown reason we both took the same path to get it. We never even argued
people said that had to be boring but it wasn't it was like a fun slumber party. Day after day. 
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Happygolucky4u: Nope, my parents were divorced. But they had one thing in common. They loved me and my sister. Actually when my parents were divorced it was not common like it is in the US now. Some kids could not play with me because their parents said I didn't have a daddy (at home) Times have changed one of the moms who would not let her daughters play with me invites me to her house when she sees me. She is alone now too. Husband died and her daughters are just to busy My husbands parents were not happily married his father drank heavily and ended up dying from being at the wrong end of the gun when my husband was about twelve. It is never safe to leave with ones gambling bootie if one is alone. Even back then My husband and I both wanted the same thing. A life full of love and happiness. And that is what we decided to make ours. We had been married a while and I seen a man that made my pulse quicken and the man paid attention to me. I excused myself and left because I could never be the one that brought pain to my husband I loved him to much it would of hurt me too. And I felt like he woke up everyday of our marriage with the attitude of what can I do to make my wife happy today I always felt loved and special. Our marriage was both of us wanting the same thing in life and for some unknown reason we both took the same path to get it. We never even argued people said that had to be boring but it wasn't it was like a fun slumber party. Day after day.
Different.
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In response to: ...to be filled with drudgery and boredom?
IMO a successful marriage MUST have three things: same core values, communication and loyality. Also, there is a submissive / dominance factor that must be balanced. In general, I prefer a 50% range. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Walk next to me and lets share everything. How can there be boredom and drudgery when there is so much to do, see and talk about. 
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Thegr8pr10dr: IMO a successful marriage MUST have three things: same core values, communication and loyality. Also, there is a submissive / dominance factor that must be balanced. In general, I prefer a 50% range. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Walk next to me and lets share everything. How can there be boredom and drudgery when there is so much to do, see and talk about.
In other words highest compatibility possible and loyalty? Makes a lot of sense.
P.S. However, neither of these criteria is constant. Haha... Overkill, I know...
P.S.S. ...or is it?
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online today!Thegr8pr10dr: IMO a successful marriage MUST have three things: same core values, communication and loyality. Also, there is a submissive / dominance factor that must be balanced. In general, I prefer a 50% range. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Walk next to me and lets share everything. How can there be boredom and drudgery when there is so much to do, see and talk about.
That is an excellent recipe and out look
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Thegr8pr10dr: IMO a successful marriage MUST have three things: same core values, communication and loyality. Also, there is a submissive / dominance factor that must be balanced. In general, I prefer a 50% range. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Walk next to me and lets share everything. How can there be boredom and drudgery when there is so much to do, see and talk about.
Very well put! I agree and hope to have that sort of relationship one day.... where every day you feel grateful that your partner is in your life....
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Yeah, "something" does sound good, probably feels even better.