Victim or Culprit (73)
nitakDublin, Ireland78 Threads 3,795 Postsnuala: Thanks salanky...
Nuala Isnt your man very quiet these days 
i guess in a way its the bad things that happen in our lives that make us who we are and you only know how strong you are when you have no other choice. the more i think about it the more theres a grey area in the whole victim/culprit thing and that it will always be different depending on your individual circumstances. all we can do is deal as best as we can with what life throws at us and hope we make it out the otherside. as long as we have the right people around us looking out for us we can all get through anything 
nitak: Nuala Isnt your man very quiet these days
Hiya missy
I know I feel he has lost interest in me...
as he has a SB to chase....
salanky: i guess in a way its the bad things that happen in our lives that make us who we are and you only know how strong you are when you have no other choice. the more i think about it the more theres a grey area in the whole victim/culprit thing and that it will always be different depending on your individual circumstances. all we can do is deal as best as we can with what life throws at us and hope we make it out the otherside. as long as we have the right people around us looking out for us we can all get through anything
Well said salanky, as we have no choice in what life throws at us but we do have a choice in how we deal with it....
and I had a very hard choice to deal, but I can say I did it to the best I could at the time, and live to tell the tale.
whiteontop: Divorced or Break-Up of Long Term RelationshipWere you the Victim or the Culprit?
I refuse to be a victim... so I guess that makes me the culprit. I finished things by asking him to leave.
sugar77: Its not always cut and dry like that...victim v culprit...i was the same...forced into ending it by unbearable circumstances...
nuala: I wouldnt know what to say in my circumstanes, as my husband took his life, but yet I dont look at me being the victim, when I have my wonderful kids to keep me going. But yet I wasnt the culprit, I feel so sad that he had to take a harsh step like that and that he is the victim.
Everyone has a different storey, but that is a very difficult situation to deal with.
whiteontop: Everyone has a different storey, but that is a very difficult situation to deal with.
Thanks white....It was and still is, but I have learnt to live with it.
70Libra: I refuse to be a victim... so I guess that makes me the culprit. I finished things by asking him to leave.
I know where you are coming from Re: refusing to be a victim. I take it that you were not to blame for the breakdown.
whiteontop: I know where you are coming from Re: refusing to be a victim. I take it that you were not to blame for the breakdown.
A partner who is only in the house from 3am to 9am, who gets out of the bed at 8.50am to go to 'work' 7 days a week, and goes to the pub from the end of his working day to closing, and then to his other woman for a couple of hours, isn't a real partner... or a dad.
Upside... the kids see more of him now (in number of hours) than the did when he was living in the same house as them.
70Libra: A partner who is only in the house from 3am to 9am, who gets out of the bed at 8.50am to go to 'work' 7 days a week, and goes to the pub from the end of his working day to closing, and then to his other woman for a couple of hours, isn't a real partner... or a dad.
Upside... the kids see more of him now (in number of hours) than the did when he was living in the same house as them.
Upside... the kids see more of him now (in number of hours) than the did when he was living in the same house as them.
Totally and absolutely agree with you.
Wish you lots of fun and Best Wishes for your Future.
LadyinDublin: at the minute im "a child" for not answering the phone when hes drunk at 3am.
Looks like he is the childish one.
baldydude: tho i do agree with you and salanky, it gets so much more complicated when there's kids, property's, and other commitments involved in a break up, which in a lot of cases put your own personal feeling into the back ground, like i know and i'm sure most ppl know of couples that are far from happy in their relationship, but stay together for the sake of their kids or other reasons
Its at that stage either partner may or may not get involved with someone else and that complicates matters. The children should be the primary concern at all times until they are adults
No offense to the OP but I think victim is quite a defeatist term. We are all survivors... whether we left them or they left us.
In my case I left him as I just could not continue in the life I had. For my childrens sake I got out when I did. My children would not be as happy, healthy or successful if we had stayed with their dad.
In my case I left him as I just could not continue in the life I had. For my childrens sake I got out when I did. My children would not be as happy, healthy or successful if we had stayed with their dad.
wexlady41: No offense to the OP but I think victim is quite a defeatist term. We are all survivors... whether we left them or they left us.
In my case I left him as I just could not continue in the life I had. For my childrens sake I got out when I did. My children would not be as happy, healthy or successful if we had stayed with their dad.
In my case I left him as I just could not continue in the life I had. For my childrens sake I got out when I did. My children would not be as happy, healthy or successful if we had stayed with their dad.
whiteontop: Its at that stage either partner may or may not get involved with someone else and that complicates matters. The children should be the primary concern at all times until they are adults
Any real parent makes the kids a priority...wexlady41: No offense to the OP but I think victim is quite a defeatist term. We are all survivors... whether we left them or they left us.
In my case I left him as I just could not continue in the life I had. For my childrens sake I got out when I did. My children would not be as happy, healthy or successful if we had stayed with their dad.
In my case I left him as I just could not continue in the life I had. For my childrens sake I got out when I did. My children would not be as happy, healthy or successful if we had stayed with their dad.
No offense taken....Victim is probably the wrong word but it is my first thread and one is always learning. What I really had in mind was the hurt that one partner inflicts upon the other by their uncalled for behaviour. Through my own imature/uncalled for deeds and actions I caused a great deal of pain and that is where I am really coming from.
wexlady41: No offense to the OP but I think victim is quite a defeatist term. We are all survivors... whether we left them or they left us.
In my case I left him as I just could not continue in the life I had. For my childrens sake I got out when I did. My children would not be as happy, healthy or successful if we had stayed with their dad.
In my case I left him as I just could not continue in the life I had. For my childrens sake I got out when I did. My children would not be as happy, healthy or successful if we had stayed with their dad.
very well said C :)whiteontop: No offense taken....Victim is probably the wrong word but it is my first thread and one is always learning. What I really had in mind was the hurt that one partner inflicts upon the other by their uncalled for behaviour. Through my own imature/uncalled for deeds and actions I caused a great deal of pain and that is where I am really coming from.
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