is it just a dream ( Archived) (15)

Dec 16, 2010 11:16 PM CST is it just a dream
angelito1975
angelito1975angelito1975INDEPENDENCE, Missouri USA1 Threads 2 Posts
What can I do to help a wife to be, bond with my children, should I talk to them and explain the love I feel for her, and hope they bond, or should I let them bond on their own, or is this an impossible dream, what do I do if I find her.
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Dec 16, 2010 11:26 PM CST is it just a dream
JSuburbia
JSuburbiaJSuburbiaOrbisonia, Pennsylvania USA17 Threads 2,518 Posts
angelito1975: What can I do to help a wife to be, bond with my children, should I talk to them and explain the love I feel for her, and hope they bond, or should I let them bond on their own, or is this an impossible dream, what do I do if I find her.
Maybe include them in things that the both of you do together, it would help the bond come naturally, and you could see how well they interact with one another.
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Dec 16, 2010 11:32 PM CST is it just a dream
scoutmaster
scoutmasterscoutmasterGranite falls, Washington USA29 Threads 6 Polls 1,100 Posts
how old are the kids
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Dec 17, 2010 12:29 AM CST is it just a dream
angelito1975
angelito1975angelito1975INDEPENDENCE, Missouri USA1 Threads 2 Posts
The two that live with me are 13 and 11, the reason I bring this up is , last year I broke off a relationship with someone very special to me, we were dating for 3 years, in that 3 years, there was no bond between her and my boys, the final straw was when she asked me, when are we gonna have time for our family, because she had kids as well, however I bonded with her boys very easily, because I loved them and wanted to. I reflect back on things that happened and wonder if I could have done things different.
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Dec 28, 2010 2:22 AM CST is it just a dream
Shell225
Shell225Shell225Brisbane, Queensland Australia26 Threads 8,572 Posts
I feel for you OP. I think that sometimes the 'bond' just doesnt happen, and perhaps hoping for a good solid friendship between your children and your special other is about all you can wish for.

I know with my short person there was a particular time (still is to a point) where she has had absolutely NO INTEREST in meeting, knowing, befriending any one I'm involved with.

I respect that ... to a point, if I was in a committed relationship then I would expect her to treat the person with the utmost respect, nothing more.

Good luck in your search.
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Dec 28, 2010 4:24 PM CST is it just a dream
faded_dino
faded_dinofaded_dinounknown, Tennessee USA13 Threads 1 Polls 1,674 Posts
Its tough....the best thing is all of you date her......she needs to know that your children come first. If the bonding happens, then great..if it doesn't, move on....I know this is easy to say and hard to do, but if your children don't get along with her,it could turn into a huge problem......She needs to be willing to try and willing to include them in at least part of your dating process.....Then, if it comes to that...all of you propose to her....since it is all about family, don't exclude the children...sometimes the bonding process(especially at that age) can take a long time. Trust your instincts.....wine
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Dec 30, 2010 1:08 AM CST is it just a dream
myfisrt
myfisrtmyfisrtWest Jakarta, Jakarta Indonesia4 Threads 980 Posts
angelito1975: What can I do to help a wife to be, bond with my children, should I talk to them and explain the love I feel for her, and hope they bond, or should I let them bond on their own, or is this an impossible dream, what do I do if I find her.


I am sure if your wife to be is really in love with you, then she will love your children as well .. comfort wave
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Dec 30, 2010 1:54 AM CST is it just a dream
las63
las63las63Lostinspace, Tennessee USA17 Threads 519 Posts
OMGosh !! I have been through this.It's horrible.Just stick with your own kids.
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Dec 30, 2010 2:09 AM CST is it just a dream
ornamental
ornamentalornamentalDoha, Qatar3 Posts
Sometimes bonds grow and sometimes they don't. But I agree, put the kids first, that love is way more lasting.
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Dec 30, 2010 8:49 AM CST is it just a dream
Konigsberg
KonigsbergKonigsbergJurassic Park (Site B), Nova Scotia Canada57 Threads 3 Polls 8,448 Posts
ornamental: Sometimes bonds grow and sometimes they don't. But I agree, put the kids first, that love is way more lasting.


True! Hmm ... but we all need someone to feel happy as an adults.conversing
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Dec 30, 2010 3:46 PM CST is it just a dream
venusenvy
venusenvyvenusenvyCalgary, Alberta Canada27 Threads 20,003 Posts
Bumpity bump bump teddybear
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Dec 30, 2010 3:49 PM CST is it just a dream
Ccincy
CcincyCcincyCincinnati, Ohio USA77 Threads 20,535 Posts
In response to: What can I do to help a wife to be, bond with my children, should I talk to them and explain the love I feel for her, and hope they bond, or should I let them bond on their own, or is this an impossible dream, what do I do if I find her.



It's obvious they'll either accept her or they won't.I would let the bonding so to speak happen on it's own.
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Dec 30, 2010 3:54 PM CST is it just a dream
Konigsberg: True! Hmm ... but we all need someone to feel happy as an adults.
While I would certainly agree that the kids one already has absolutely need to come first, there are several considerations I would like to point out. It is wrong to allow oneself to be held hostage by the kids. They need to understand that the world doesn't just revolve around them, and that it is a reasonable and normal process for their mom or dad to want and need a companion. Just wondering - so many people in quite a few of the forums seem to have this extremely strong reiteration about the kids the kids the kids. Sure, times ARE different, but in my opinion the best gift you can give your children is a firm understanding that other people in the world count, not just them. Just sayin'...
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Dec 30, 2010 8:19 PM CST is it just a dream
woohoo128
woohoo128woohoo128staring at the moon somewhere, Essex, England UK80 Threads 3 Polls 5,081 Posts
build it and they will come uh oh






you are talking about a film Field of dreams uh oh
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Jan 3, 2011 1:27 PM CST is it just a dream
woohoo128: build it and they will come
you are talking about a film Field of dreams
Hows that? confused I don't get your meaning here.
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