Back out there but still want to be in?(another getting over it thread) ( Archived) (16)

Here it is I was in a relationship for six years and married for three.My wife left suddenly and unexpected.Trying to get over this has been proving to be most difficult.I have been on several dates,but I have found myself not putting my heart into these date's.Am I trying too hard to move on or is it because I am just going out with the wrong girls?I feel like I should be doing something,but I am not sure what it is?Does anyone have some advice to give because I am at a loss right now?

Different people take different times to heal.Maybe you need a little longer.If it doesn't feel right to be dating then don't do it.Take all the time you need.After all what is the rush?

Well you don't say how long ago that your wife left - so was it a long time ago or just recently? Time has a way of healing the heart, but you may also have some inner work to do to accept and move on from your relationship.

If your heart isn't it in ie. dating then I'd hazard to guess that you are simply not ready. If you feel like socializing, maybe just join some groups and get involved with others without any pressures.

When the inner hurt stops, then I think its a good time to look forward to maybe dating others. Nothing worse than dating someone who isn't ready for a relationship and far too often I encounter those who are separated who aren't ready. How fair is that to those who are truly seeking a relationship? I personally don't want to hear about the ex. or the past or all the crap that someone's been through.

I'm looking to find someone engaged in the here and now and looking forward to a potential future with them. Hence one of the relationships I don't date those who are separated - deal with your past first and then move forward.

have u had any "you" time

I guess I did leave out some information.I have been separated for more the a year and my divorce is going to be final in the next month or so.I am not out trying to have one night stands or random hook ups and I do want to meet someone new I just find myself having a hard time starting a new part of my life.I have accepted that my marriage is over and I am not dwelling on the past.

Maybe stop trying so hard? Do the activities that you enjoy and get the spark back in your own life. Sometimes learning to be content with where we are currently at is half the battle. There are many great people out there in the world to connect with, friendships are a great way to start to make sure we are choicing a good person.

Try to embrace being single. You can eat what you want, when you want. watch what you want on TV. Hang with what ever friends you want to. And you don't have to put the toilet seat back down. Just look on the bright side and live. Enjoy what you have... the rest will happen

Thanks you made me laugh and I do enjoy not putting the seat back down.I guess I have some things that I need to work on before I am healthy enough emotionally to really put myself out there.I love the time that I spend with my friends I guess I am still not use to coming home to an empty house and I don't want to use that as a reason to rush anything.It's not fair to me or anyone I would involve in the situation.