Can geographic location have this much of an impact? ( Archived) (28)

I have not been on this website for awhile because I have been recently trying to aggressively look around for single women in the real world context. Let me also add that I have a "They world is Yours" attitude towards trying to get a date and possibly even a girlfriend these days so anyone that wants to try and convince me to just sit back and let love or dates "Find" me can take a hike because I don't buy that ideology.

Let's briefly look at my dating history. I am college grad who has NEVER dated anyone from my local area.MY town of St.Charles Il consists predominately of upper middle classwhite families. It also has no informal or organizational atmospheres that would help connect singles such as speed dating or even bowling leagues (they have those but I checked and noone my age is in them). It's a pretty rich area and I had my friends in high school but none of us really networked outward a wholelot that would lead to meeting other girls our age.To be fair the odds are stacked against me but come ON! It seriously can't be this hard to meet a single and interested girl that I am attracted to when so many other guys around here CAN.

And I have tried. I have talked to 2 friends of a friend recently and have struck out with both of them. I have flirted with girls I've encountered recently that I think are cute and have gotten the most standoffish showcases of non-interest I have ever seen. I even left my phone number with a couple of girls (tho I think they were a bit younger than me) and all they did was prank call me. Hmm Thoughtful.

Yet I had no trouble meeting women in college (especially when I was working out and looked better, because let's face it, girls are visual creatures too, just to a lesser extent). I went to a small school with people from different place, but it wasn't like a huge mix.Most were either from Chicago or the Chicago suburbs.
So why is it that I have so much bad luck getting a date around my local area? Does the fact that this is a rich non-diverse area have somesort of impact on the standards of girls my age?
I know it's way tougher here than say a college campus or town with college age people but again, I am a friendly, attractive and outgoing guy with a lot going for him, so it really doesn'tmake sense to me.What does everyone think?

Pay attention, because I am about to educate you for free.


1. You don't sit back and let women find you. Women who know anything at all about dating let the men chase them. That is your role, and they are aware you will get bored with them if they don't let you do it (whether they like that or not). Deal with it or starve.

2. Don't try to date too far above your own dating market value and see how it goes. Perhaps you approach the wrong women. Look at who you have been choosing locally and rethink. Also, when talking to them make sure you ask them about themselves as well as talk about yourself... be interested in what they have to say as well as how cute they are. And make them laugh.

3. Some girls act standoffish as a technique to keep a man interested. I have a few acquaintences that play that part and are man magnets because of it. They figure if it ain't broke don't fix it. Just a thought. BUT, you do NOT give a woman your phone number. You ask for hers and then you call her within a day or so. It is your role to call and pursue her.


Now give these tips a shot and see if your results improve.

Eh not really relevant to my question.Iam looking for the answer to why and not the answer to how. As a sociology major I search for fairly concrete answers to broad social phenomena so I get it if there really isn't one here, I was just hoping to gather some opinions of maybe people who have moved in several different locations or traveled a lot.
Secondly, I have a friend who left his phone number and it worked for him so tell that to him.
Lastly, I don't know that I would really buy the fact that women would behave unpleasantly to attract men in most cases. That would sure as hell not work with me, and my experiences have all been the opposite. So you're welcome to re-read my post and answer again, since my question is more concerned with why things are so different locally than say a college campus, accounting for factors of relativity, but let's face it Peoria and St.Charles are VERY different.

You should already know that high school and college are two seperate worlds in their own. So is the real world. Once you get out into the real world and as you age, you will find that dating becomes more difficult.
I live in a small town and unless I want to go to bars to meet drunks, it is next to impossible to meet singles. I would have to either take my chances on the internet or go to the city(2 hours away).
So, put yourself out there. Let yourself be seen and known. the older you get, the more you watch other how other people respond to different situations, before taking that step forward. It is a dance....to see how well you do your personal dance.
All in all, when we were in high school and college, it was just plain easier because most everyone else just wanted to hook up,too!
Like anything worthwhile, it takes time....sometimes it feels like too much time, but be persistant and be who you are. It will happen when all the dots connect and not before.
JMO
Good Luck to you

You're talking to an American starting to date again in Holland... and the last time I dated was on a college campus in Texas. So I get what you're saying about social phenomena having an impact. I have a BS in psychology and took some interesting sociology classes as well, so Ï really do get what you mean.


I am just pointing out things in your post that I read that would account for your lack of success in just about any setting. And if you choose to ignore those habits, I refer you to the theory that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results


And you can't really separate the why and the how if you're serious about making change.


So good luck with your sociological question. When you're ready to take practical steps to differ your results, try giving my good advice another read without the condescending attitude (which could be why your friend does better than you... just what are you projecting for all to see?).

You can go ahead and call me condescending but just because you are older does not mean you are the end all be all.That is twice that you've arrogantly mentioned that your advice is "Good advice" when it isn't even a direct answer to my question. Seeing as how you know absolutely nothing about my friend, I can see that your attitude about my demeanor stems from nothing but ignorance. And when was doing the same thing without success? I stated that RECENTLY I have taken a more aggressive approach which means that I'm doing the opposite in that. If you want to give helpful advice and your opinion then fine, just don't insist that it's so great when I can literally pick apart every single reason why it's worthless.

pan dont worry too much here

Hey, girlfriend. Thanks for the heads up.


I was never worried.

And reading that thread you linked soooo does not surprise me. I think this type applies to one of my vents this afternoon.

i was so enjoying ur vents you go girl!