Grieving process for a hated person? (30)
If it was a relative then I'd grieve for the relationship that wasn't.
Otherwise I wouldn't care. And if the person was harmful enough to me or to people that I do care about then I would be glad that the person is dead.
Otherwise I wouldn't care. And if the person was harmful enough to me or to people that I do care about then I would be glad that the person is dead.
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I grieved for what he took from me, my innocence and trust.
He was a monster to me for so many years.
Then to see in fact, a frail, hollow man lying in ICU on breathing tubes. I had difficulties reconciling that monster with this pitiful man.
I then simply felt sorry for him, as I imagined he was being eaten up inside knowing the years of destruction he caused another human being.
He whispered to me that he was sorry. His last words to me.
I asked my best friend to sing his favorite song to him in ICU so that he could hopefully pass in peace.
I walked away without looking back.
He was a monster to me for so many years.
Then to see in fact, a frail, hollow man lying in ICU on breathing tubes. I had difficulties reconciling that monster with this pitiful man.
I then simply felt sorry for him, as I imagined he was being eaten up inside knowing the years of destruction he caused another human being.
He whispered to me that he was sorry. His last words to me.
I asked my best friend to sing his favorite song to him in ICU so that he could hopefully pass in peace.
I walked away without looking back.
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.
To forget is the hard part of all feelings yet is the best solution.
To forget is the hard part of all feelings yet is the best solution.------ This thread is Archived ------
Maus19: Grieving process for a hated person?
How does one grieve the death/imminent death of hated person?
what is to be found on grieving always seems to concentrate on the one's once loved,
very little is to be found on those that where a cause of constant conflict.
Time to speak one's mind, confront, ran out.
Anyone with experience in this?
My first thought was, "whatever and good riddance".
But what for long time seemed clear cut and simple turns out on the day to be more complicated and conflicting.
Keep the jokes for another thread please, thanks.
How does one grieve the death/imminent death of hated person?
what is to be found on grieving always seems to concentrate on the one's once loved,
very little is to be found on those that where a cause of constant conflict.
Time to speak one's mind, confront, ran out.
Anyone with experience in this?
My first thought was, "whatever and good riddance".
But what for long time seemed clear cut and simple turns out on the day to be more complicated and conflicting.
Keep the jokes for another thread please, thanks.
Just feel your real feelings.
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Thanks for the comments, replying will be for another day. Time to catch my flight and face the music.
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Maus19: Grieving process for a hated person?
How does one grieve the death/imminent death of hated person?
what is to be found on grieving always seems to concentrate on the one's once loved,
very little is to be found on those that where a cause of constant conflict.
Time to speak one's mind, confront, ran out.
Anyone with experience in this?
My first thought was, "whatever and good riddance".
But what for long time seemed clear cut and simple turns out on the day to be more complicated and conflicting.
Keep the jokes for another thread please, thanks.
How does one grieve the death/imminent death of hated person?
what is to be found on grieving always seems to concentrate on the one's once loved,
very little is to be found on those that where a cause of constant conflict.
Time to speak one's mind, confront, ran out.
Anyone with experience in this?
My first thought was, "whatever and good riddance".
But what for long time seemed clear cut and simple turns out on the day to be more complicated and conflicting.
Keep the jokes for another thread please, thanks.
My father chap my hide. He is gone but he still remains.
The things he said and did to me were not worthy of any human.
Most never saw it, but karma was a gift given to the predator.
My rage (
) calls upon him and will not let him go.I know it, I see it but I fear him no more.
He was a good man, he had 7 children and did his best to provide for them.
Forgiveness is not mine to give.
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jac379: You go through pretty much the same process, tears, anger, loss, relief, release, numbness, shock, longing, whatever, just the focus is different.
You grieve for yourself.
(And that's an important thing to do.)
As Blonde said, you might grieve for the person the deceased might have been, or should have been.
An extrapolation of those two points might be grieving for the person you might have been. That can be quite a good one for recognising the strengths and knowledge you've gained through adversity, but also for bringing yourself back from from any negative stuff inherited through the years of interaction with the deceased, or soon to be deceased person.
You grieve for yourself.
(And that's an important thing to do.)
As Blonde said, you might grieve for the person the deceased might have been, or should have been.
An extrapolation of those two points might be grieving for the person you might have been. That can be quite a good one for recognising the strengths and knowledge you've gained through adversity, but also for bringing yourself back from from any negative stuff inherited through the years of interaction with the deceased, or soon to be deceased person.
Interesting reply!
I've sometimes pondered the idea that the tears we cry, over the passing/loss of someone, are tears of guilt. Guilt for any failing or falling short of measure(of one's self) in our dealings/thoughts about the person recently freed, that we now must own up to or rather come face to face with!!??
I always give a thank you to the person when I learn of their getting free. Whether I, 'knew them' or just, 'knew of them'. If they were deemed a bad person, I still say a thanks for anything good they may have done in their life!
I find it hard to believe that everyone doesn't have some good, some bad in them, which ever end of that spectrum they live their lives closest to!
For the OP
best of luck & condolences 
in this, your current quandary !
SHANTI
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jac379: Its an opportunity to bury, or burn some stuff along with the deceased.
You maybe have some time to prepare what you might want to chuck in the pit, or furnace, if anything.
You could do that as a mind exercise, or actually write some stuff down and maybe do it physically, literally by putting your notes in the coffin, or grave.
Let the deceased take the burden which is rightfully theirs to carry, with them.
Free yourself of carrying their load for them.
They were wrong to ask you to carry it in the first place. It would be wrong to pass it onto to someone else to carry.
Pass it back, let it go.
You maybe have some time to prepare what you might want to chuck in the pit, or furnace, if anything.
You could do that as a mind exercise, or actually write some stuff down and maybe do it physically, literally by putting your notes in the coffin, or grave.
Let the deceased take the burden which is rightfully theirs to carry, with them.
Free yourself of carrying their load for them.
They were wrong to ask you to carry it in the first place. It would be wrong to pass it onto to someone else to carry.
Pass it back, let it go.
Agree again!
This can also be useful with the currently living! Write it down on a piece of paper(ground the emotion, thus ridding/freeing yourself of it) & burn it! No need to deliver it, that may just perpetuate the hate in yourself which is self destructive, as already pointed out in several other good posts!!!
SHNATI
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Harleyquinn: Interesting reply!
I've sometimes pondered the idea that the tears we cry, over the passing/loss of someone, are tears of guilt. Guilt for any failing or falling short of measure(of one's self) in our dealings/thoughts about the person recently freed, that we now must own up to or rather come face to face with!!??
I've sometimes pondered the idea that the tears we cry, over the passing/loss of someone, are tears of guilt. Guilt for any failing or falling short of measure(of one's self) in our dealings/thoughts about the person recently freed, that we now must own up to or rather come face to face with!!??
Yes, I think that can happen, along with survivors guilt (similar) and guilt we may carry which has been imposed upon us by the deceased actions (very different). Its important to distinguish the difference and the validity of guilt - its only valuable for what we caan learn from it, even if that learning is that its unwarranted.
Harleyquinn: I always give a thank you to the person when I learn of their getting free. Whether I, 'knew them' or just, 'knew of them'. If they were deemed a bad person, I still say a thanks for anything good they may have done in their life!
I find it hard to believe that everyone doesn't have some good, some bad in them, which ever end of that spectrum they live their lives closest to!
For the OP best of luck & condolences in this, your current quandary ! SHANTI
I find it hard to believe that everyone doesn't have some good, some bad in them, which ever end of that spectrum they live their lives closest to!
For the OP best of luck & condolences in this, your current quandary ! SHANTI
It would be odd if someone had never done anything 'bad', or 'good' in their lives, but again it must be recognised that people have the right to be angry sometimes and they are not obliged to search out, or recognise the good in a person...unless at some point it helps them make peace with themselves.
There may be a number of ways of making peace with yourself. For me, its not recogmising that there might have been some good (I'll be damned if I ever saw it), but recognising that person, or persons had events in their lives which shaped them. It doesn't make 'bad' behaviour acceptable, but it does put things in perspective for me and helps me understand a pattern of events which I have future control over. I can make choices and that's an important part of my peace.
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I remember when my stepfather passed and even though he was mean to me I still felt bad when he passed.
I never held a grudge cause I came to realize that it was the liquor that made him the way he was.