Is it just me (101)
chatonlyman2: She is on this site and in another country. I am not on the other site but can still view who is on. She is and has not logged on to that site in over 30 days.
Im not the most trusting soul and its making me wonder?
Im not the most trusting soul and its making me wonder?
Trust ends relationships
if you are not the most trusting soul then you are going to not trust her. Give her the doubt, it may be just the forums if not then it will end
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chatonlyman2: Well Im o.k. with waiting till I feel comfortable to meet her. One never knows a person till they know a person and I even told her the other day I don't really know you.
So yes I have a fear of her zooming over right now
So yes I have a fear of her zooming over right now
I wouldn't be surprised if that's what made her check the other site again.
Be brave instead of suspicious and vulnerable.
You can do it
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Obstinance_Works: It's silly to interrupt someone when they're about to(possibly)do something bad if you're trying to find out what kind of a person you are dealing with.
However, I assumed that he'd met the woman already and that they were more serious together than they actually are. So now I think the Op should just take a chill pill.
However, I assumed that he'd met the woman already and that they were more serious together than they actually are. So now I think the Op should just take a chill pill.
You assumed that he met her which is a negative on your part.
And now your saying he should keeping assuming that she's about to do something bad instead of just asking her why she's on another site.
And all that time that he keeps assuming he doesn't know the truth.
In other words....you believe in letting her hang herself....then dump her instead of talking out whatever is going on between them.
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steffffie: I wouldn't be surprised if that's what made her check the other site again.
Be brave instead of suspicious and vulnerable.
You can do it
Thanks and Im good bro.Be brave instead of suspicious and vulnerable.
You can do it
I know I can handle anything.
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chatonlyman2: Thanks. it is me. I just need time to heal with this amazing lady.
Just remember you have friends if you need to talk.
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chatonlyman2: I was thinking the same thing. I have holidays in January and if by then I still have doubts I will go for a flight.
Do you really want to live with doubts until January?
Is that fair to her and the relationship?
You won't enjoy your conversations if behind the scenes you have doubts about her
If you can't make the trip now at least tell her what's bothering you.
She might want you to know she was on that site.
If she isn't sure about you and knows you aren't a confident person then she will avoid telling you that she wants out of the relationship because she doesn't want to hurt you.
Being on the other site could be her way of telling you she wants to look for someone else.
I know it hurts to read that but you need to be realistic Chat.
Talk to her about your concerns. Get it out in the open.
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montemonte: Do you really want to live with doubts until January?
Is that fair to her and the relationship?
You won't enjoy your conversations if behind the scenes you have doubts about her
If you can't make the trip now at least tell her what's bothering you.
She might want you to know she was on that site.
If she isn't sure about you and knows you aren't a confident person then she will avoid telling you that she wants out of the relationship because she doesn't want to hurt you.
Being on the other site could be her way of telling you she wants to look for someone else.
I know it hurts to read that but you need to be realistic Chat.
Talk to her about your concerns. Get it out in the open.
I will and again thank you everyone for your opinions they were needed.Is that fair to her and the relationship?
You won't enjoy your conversations if behind the scenes you have doubts about her
If you can't make the trip now at least tell her what's bothering you.
She might want you to know she was on that site.
If she isn't sure about you and knows you aren't a confident person then she will avoid telling you that she wants out of the relationship because she doesn't want to hurt you.
Being on the other site could be her way of telling you she wants to look for someone else.
I know it hurts to read that but you need to be realistic Chat.
Talk to her about your concerns. Get it out in the open.
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chatonlyman2: Is finding out your so called girlfriend logged on to another dating site today a bad sign?I want as many opinions as possible.
Thanks.
Thanks.
I hear you.
Having had the experience of an extremely dysfunctional family life, infidelity, suicide, and not having been an angel myself in my life, and having dealt with my own issues such as yours in therapy,,,, these are my thoughts.
Getting hurt can be extremely painful.
Some of us need, want, love, desperately. We are willing to delude ourselves about love. Not good.
Some of us confuse lust for love.
If there is real love, it will be there, nothing will change that.
If there is not, nothing will change that.
Point being, we cannot CONTROL it.
It's time for you to go meet this lady and see what it is you really have. Also it takes time together to see what you have.
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montemonte: You assumed that he met her which is a negative on your part.
And now your saying he should keeping assuming that she's about to do something bad instead of just asking her why she's on another site.
And all that time that he keeps assuming he doesn't know the truth.In other words....you believe in letting her hang herself....then dump her instead of talking out whatever is going on between them.
And now your saying he should keeping assuming that she's about to do something bad instead of just asking her why she's on another site.
And all that time that he keeps assuming he doesn't know the truth.In other words....you believe in letting her hang herself....then dump her instead of talking out whatever is going on between them.
I assumed that he'd met her because I try hard(really hard)not to assume that people are dickheads. Imo it is a little embarrassing on his part that he's getting this worked up over a woman he's never met or is any way that involved with.
But yes I do believe he should allow her to hang herself. If the only reason she doesn't do bad is because he intervenes then this isn't a sound basis for a relationship. This isn't trust. And what this is is a relationship kept together by him spying and it can only continue to be this way. But if he doesn't attempt to control her - by not intervening - and she does the right thing then this builds real trust as opposed to policed security.
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Dadude62: I hear you.
Having had the experience of an extremely dysfunctional family life, infidelity, suicide, and not having been an angel myself in my life, and having dealt with my own issues such as yours in therapy,,,, these are my thoughts.
Getting hurt can be extremely painful.
Some of us need, want, love, desperately. We are willing to delude ourselves about love. Not good.
Some of us confuse lust for love.
If there is real love, it will be there, nothing will change that.
If there is not, nothing will change that.
Point being, we cannot CONTROL it.
It's time for you to go meet this lady and see what it is you really have. Also it takes time together to see what you have.
Good adviceHaving had the experience of an extremely dysfunctional family life, infidelity, suicide, and not having been an angel myself in my life, and having dealt with my own issues such as yours in therapy,,,, these are my thoughts.
Getting hurt can be extremely painful.
Some of us need, want, love, desperately. We are willing to delude ourselves about love. Not good.
Some of us confuse lust for love.
If there is real love, it will be there, nothing will change that.
If there is not, nothing will change that.
Point being, we cannot CONTROL it.
It's time for you to go meet this lady and see what it is you really have. Also it takes time together to see what you have.
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Obstinance_Works: I assumed that he'd met her because I try hard(really hard)not to assume that people are dickheads. Imo it is a little embarrassing on his part that he's getting this worked up over a woman he's never met or is any way that involved with.
But yes I do believe he should allow her to hang herself. If the only reason she doesn't do bad is because he intervenes then this isn't a sound basis for a relationship. This isn't trust. And what this is is a relationship kept together by him spying and it can only continue to be this way. But if he doesn't attempt to control her - by not intervening - and she does the right thing then this builds real trust as opposed to policed security.
coolBut yes I do believe he should allow her to hang herself. If the only reason she doesn't do bad is because he intervenes then this isn't a sound basis for a relationship. This isn't trust. And what this is is a relationship kept together by him spying and it can only continue to be this way. But if he doesn't attempt to control her - by not intervening - and she does the right thing then this builds real trust as opposed to policed security.
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Scott1812: Just remember you have friends if you need to talk.
You would have to change your mail settings but I generally never need much advice. Thanks------ This thread is Archived ------
chatonlyman2: You would have to change your mail settings but I generally never need much advice. Thanks
Im leaving here for now.Thanks again everyone. No more advice needed.Have a nice day
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chatonlyman2: Is finding out your so called girlfriend logged on to another dating site today a bad sign?I want as many opinions as possible.
Thanks.
Thanks.
How humiliating to her, a member of CS, to come across YOU writing about her on a thread! How dare you and who do you think you are?!
Did you think to talk to her first? No you just went on here and tried to humiliate her! You are publicly damning her without even talking to her. You are a VERY bad man!
Stalking, bullying and spying come to mind. You are just scary. 
And the really bad thing is: you wrote this thread when she was asleep, that is a low blow. Doesn't say much about your character now does it? Oh wait you aren't taking questions.
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"We are travelers on a cosmic journey, stardust, swirling and dancing in the eddies and whirlpools of infinity. Life is eternal. We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other,to meet, to love, to share. This is a precious moment." -
*Paulo Coelho*
Now kiss and make up...
*Paulo Coelho*
Now kiss and make up...
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crazyblondeone: How humiliating to her, a member of CS, to come across YOU writing about her on a thread! How dare you and who do you think you are?! Did you think to talk to her first? No you just went on here and tried to humiliate her! You are publicly damning her without even talking to her.
You are a VERY bad man! Stalking, bullying and spying come to mind. You are just scary.
And the really bad thing is: you wrote this thread when she was asleep, that is a low blow. Doesn't say much about your character now does it? Oh wait you aren't taking questions.
You are a VERY bad man! Stalking, bullying and spying come to mind. You are just scary.
And the really bad thing is: you wrote this thread when she was asleep, that is a low blow. Doesn't say much about your character now does it? Oh wait you aren't taking questions.
Well said and I totally agree!
To the OP: you can't "own" another person!
A relationship without mutual trust from the beginning will never last! Most likely you'll have to start looking for a "new" girlfriend after your present or potetntial girlfriend reads this thread!
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Dedovix: "We are travelers on a cosmic journey, stardust, swirling and dancing in the eddies and whirlpools of infinity. Life is eternal. We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other,to meet, to love, to share. This is a precious moment." -
*Paulo Coelho*
Now kiss and make up...
In a few hours maybe.*Paulo Coelho*
Now kiss and make up...
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chatonlyman2: Is finding out your so called girlfriend logged on to another dating site today a bad sign?I want as many opinions as possible.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Either you trust her or not.
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lifeisadream: Either you trust her or not.
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Call the airlines....or check the air in your tires....and make the trip.