How to solve a dilemma (64)

All I had wanted after my dearly beloved friend died (yes he was a friend, not just a dog), was to give one new dog a home. But the dog I ended with had already suffered greatly through his first 6 months in life, and so to brighten his days, it was decided to get one more dog for him to play with and grow up with. That's how I came to have 2 Dobermans. Then my back then partner wanted to have birds, and thus I now have 4 birds. He also came back with a kitten some point, and that kitten needed a friend, which made it 2 cats, and when we came to Ireland we ended taking on 3 more = 5 cats. Somehow fate then shoved 3 more dogs into my path, and oh yieks.. I had told my estst agent I did not want to go to the horse market he wanted to take me to. I really didn't want to as I was scared I could see a creature in need and end acting, but he told me it would be fine, he'd make sure I'd not do anything like that.
Yes right - due to him dragging me to that market, I ended with a 5 year thoroughbred stallion who was so wild, none could come near him and he would have ended at the slaughterhouse. Of course I could not bear to watch him walk about in the field all lonely, so I got a goat for company, but they did not bond, which led to me finding him a horse friend instead = 2 horses.

I have literally starved in the past to bring others through, plus no money left for heating at 20 degrees minus. Back then the owners of the riding stable eventually ended bringing the horse I was slowly dying for, to the slaughter when I was not there. They told me someone had to safe me, also considering the horse I had ended with back then had been ruined by others in health so badly, he could not even be ridden anymore, his legs were done in.

2 years ago I had really only wanted one dog, and now I am buckling majorly under the physical strain this household is keeping me under. I am shackled down completely while I had wished to travel and explore, and my daughter watched me last night fighting it out with the hayshed door and she is worried. I have little physical strength, everything has to be achieved via determination alone, but Ireland is overflowing with horses, and I can not see how to find secure homes elsewhere for the two I ended with, and same goes for my 3 additional dogs. The Dobes I really need for protection, but all others are just adding huge strain, although 2 of the cats are okay as well, they are very independant, but the other 3 are real work and responsibility.

My body is beginning to fire serious warning shots, telling me it can't cope, but my heart tells me I can't give under the duties. It tells me I am just selfish, but my mind says this is starting to become a battle for survival, and I have no idea how to solve this dilemma. If I'd give any of these beings away and should find out later they were not looked after, I'd never forgive myself, but if I break this body, I can't look after them either.

I am seriously beginning to panick and have no clue what to do...

saving waifs and strays is honorable ,but not if its impacting on your health,id do as mars man said,find homes for the horses,you can always visit them,keep the dogs

I might ask my estate agent. He has grown a good friend, maybe he can help me to find homes for some. My neighbour would, but he has a darn tough attitude and he'd just do whatever just to safe me, and that's no use either, I'd break from guilt then.

I shall talk to my estate agent, and can only hope he will have some ideas.

You have to get rid of some of the animals, what good will you be to any of them if you get sick and are not able to look after them.
It's a case of tough love here I'm afraid, try some of the animal rehoming/shelters and as someone said go away for a day or so and let someone else take the ones you don't need can't afford away.
You really have to stop seeing every lost case as yours to fix I'm afraid.

I just called my estate agent. He says he has been worried and felt I'd end giving under the strain. He will be out tomorrow and says he will do all he can to help solve this.

I came to the forums with it as I have been battling with myself for a while now, but just felt so guilty and a failure being unable to stand up to the pressures of this household. I guess I wanted to see what others think, to either hear that I shall stop being a whimp and try live up to my duties no matter what, or to be told I need to act and safe myself from breakdown.

Thank you all for your opinions and advice, this has actually helped, even though it will be horrifyingly tough and there will be guilt that will follow me, but looking at what absoultely everyone else thinks, from friends to family to you lot here, I guess I have to listen to reason over my heart.