Facebook Ethics??? (71)
mariespoodles: Hi everyone!!
I have a question about ethics on line re: facebook...
My niece has been dating a guy from her work for the last couple of mths and shared her new man story with me when we were on a family dinner at a resturant one night.
She told me he was not like the other guys she had dated in the past and seemed quite keen for us to meet him. She told me his name.
A couple of weeks later it was the eve of Christmas and I was rapping presents. I had bought him a little something just in case she arrived with him to have Xmas lunch with us because she had anticipated him coming. I didnt know how to spell his name so went on facebook to see if she had him on her profile which she did. With that I went to his profile and clicked friend request to extend a little family friendship. Since I was obviously connected to her and many photos of us together to proove it I didn't think it was a problem... then all hell broke loose
She rang and demanded me to undo what I had done because she claimed I don't even know him and hadn't met him so it was considered as "stalking". She called me a weirdo and said she was utterly embarressed about it. She flew into me and said how dare I do what I did!! She also said that if things didn't work out with him she would hold me accountable.
With that I cancelled my friend request and was extremely apologetic about it
My intention was to extend my hand out in friendship but it got chewed up and spat out!!!
I have sent friend requests on facebook to people I'd not met before simply because they were connected to others I know and had never come across being accused as a stalker so not sure what the standard ethics are when it comes to crossing the line.
My question is...
Did I do the wrong thing??
What do ye all think??
I have a question about ethics on line re: facebook...
My niece has been dating a guy from her work for the last couple of mths and shared her new man story with me when we were on a family dinner at a resturant one night.
She told me he was not like the other guys she had dated in the past and seemed quite keen for us to meet him. She told me his name.
A couple of weeks later it was the eve of Christmas and I was rapping presents. I had bought him a little something just in case she arrived with him to have Xmas lunch with us because she had anticipated him coming. I didnt know how to spell his name so went on facebook to see if she had him on her profile which she did. With that I went to his profile and clicked friend request to extend a little family friendship. Since I was obviously connected to her and many photos of us together to proove it I didn't think it was a problem... then all hell broke loose
She rang and demanded me to undo what I had done because she claimed I don't even know him and hadn't met him so it was considered as "stalking". She called me a weirdo and said she was utterly embarressed about it. She flew into me and said how dare I do what I did!! She also said that if things didn't work out with him she would hold me accountable.
With that I cancelled my friend request and was extremely apologetic about it
My intention was to extend my hand out in friendship but it got chewed up and spat out!!!
I have sent friend requests on facebook to people I'd not met before simply because they were connected to others I know and had never come across being accused as a stalker so not sure what the standard ethics are when it comes to crossing the line.
My question is...
Did I do the wrong thing??
What do ye all think??
Well you shouldn't have interfered, maybe they were at a sensitive stage. A lot of people on face book think they are having a private relationship when in fact the whole world is watching. As for the stalking bit, I don't think so.
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mariespoodles: Hi everyone!!
I have a question about ethics on line re: facebook...
My niece has been dating a guy from her work for the last couple of mths and shared her new man story with me when we were on a family dinner at a resturant one night.
She told me he was not like the other guys she had dated in the past and seemed quite keen for us to meet him. She told me his name.
A couple of weeks later it was the eve of Christmas and I was rapping presents. I had bought him a little something just in case she arrived with him to have Xmas lunch with us because she had anticipated him coming. I didnt know how to spell his name so went on facebook to see if she had him on her profile which she did. With that I went to his profile and clicked friend request to extend a little family friendship. Since I was obviously connected to her and many photos of us together to proove it I didn't think it was a problem... then all hell broke loose
She rang and demanded me to undo what I had done because she claimed I don't even know him and hadn't met him so it was considered as "stalking". She called me a weirdo and said she was utterly embarressed about it. She flew into me and said how dare I do what I did!! She also said that if things didn't work out with him she would hold me accountable.
With that I cancelled my friend request and was extremely apologetic about it
My intention was to extend my hand out in friendship but it got chewed up and spat out!!!
I have sent friend requests on facebook to people I'd not met before simply because they were connected to others I know and had never come across being accused as a stalker so not sure what the standard ethics are when it comes to crossing the line.
My question is...
Did I do the wrong thing??
What do ye all think??
I have a question about ethics on line re: facebook...
My niece has been dating a guy from her work for the last couple of mths and shared her new man story with me when we were on a family dinner at a resturant one night.
She told me he was not like the other guys she had dated in the past and seemed quite keen for us to meet him. She told me his name.
A couple of weeks later it was the eve of Christmas and I was rapping presents. I had bought him a little something just in case she arrived with him to have Xmas lunch with us because she had anticipated him coming. I didnt know how to spell his name so went on facebook to see if she had him on her profile which she did. With that I went to his profile and clicked friend request to extend a little family friendship. Since I was obviously connected to her and many photos of us together to proove it I didn't think it was a problem... then all hell broke loose
She rang and demanded me to undo what I had done because she claimed I don't even know him and hadn't met him so it was considered as "stalking". She called me a weirdo and said she was utterly embarressed about it. She flew into me and said how dare I do what I did!! She also said that if things didn't work out with him she would hold me accountable.
With that I cancelled my friend request and was extremely apologetic about it
My intention was to extend my hand out in friendship but it got chewed up and spat out!!!
I have sent friend requests on facebook to people I'd not met before simply because they were connected to others I know and had never come across being accused as a stalker so not sure what the standard ethics are when it comes to crossing the line.
My question is...
Did I do the wrong thing??
What do ye all think??
I don't think you did anything wrong. I am curious as why you didn't just ask your daughter about the spelling though.
It also makes me curious about the re-action for the friendship request and the melodramatics even going as far as possible "stalking?".
It might have been better to wait and actually meet the person in question. If things are so right and he's so different, why the panic about a FB friend request? Maybe there are some things missing to be seen....all the way around.
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Having access to all face book friends and family, I post less.
When we know who we are dealing with we may have opinions that are not always welcomed.
If blocked before reading, read between the lines.
jmho
Nothing wrong with the request, wrong is the response to the request.
When we know who we are dealing with we may have opinions that are not always welcomed.
If blocked before reading, read between the lines.
jmho
Nothing wrong with the request, wrong is the response to the request.
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tomcatwarne: Well you shouldn't have interfered, maybe they were at a sensitive stage. A lot of people on face book think they are having a private relationship when in fact the whole world is watching. As for the stalking bit, I don't think so.
Yes I realised the sensitivity of the whole thing and that's why I quickly cancelled the request and apologised tomcat
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mariespoodles: Yes I realised the sensitivity of the whole thing and that's why I quickly cancelled the request and apologised tomcat
Yes, I am sure you had the best intentions, facebook is overrated and half the games don't work properly.
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Your Niece Overreacted,
Why so many people on fb suddenly become Drama Queens and Kings is beyond me. I mean, they put their personal stuff out there for all the world to see and then react with horror if someone comments upon it, or uses it to do what Mark Z intended ... to get connected!
You seem like a caring and thoughtful Aunt, even going so far as to purchase a gift to make him feel welcomed (just in case) if he showed up. You did nothing wrong. Stop apologizing to an immature youngster.
Why so many people on fb suddenly become Drama Queens and Kings is beyond me. I mean, they put their personal stuff out there for all the world to see and then react with horror if someone comments upon it, or uses it to do what Mark Z intended ... to get connected!
You seem like a caring and thoughtful Aunt, even going so far as to purchase a gift to make him feel welcomed (just in case) if he showed up. You did nothing wrong. Stop apologizing to an immature youngster.
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Draegoneer: I don't think you did anything wrong. I am curious as why you didn't just ask your daughter about the spelling though.
It also makes me curious about the re-action for the friendship request and the melodramatics even going as far as possible "stalking?".
It might have been better to wait and actually meet the person in question. If things are so right and he's so different, why the panic about a FB friend request? Maybe there are some things missing to be seen....all the way around.
It also makes me curious about the re-action for the friendship request and the melodramatics even going as far as possible "stalking?".
It might have been better to wait and actually meet the person in question. If things are so right and he's so different, why the panic about a FB friend request? Maybe there are some things missing to be seen....all the way around.
I did give thought as to why the panic if he's so different after she went off about it. You could be on to something about things missing yet to be seen Draeoneer as she did say to me that she has not told him that she has spoken to us about him... I'm guessing she is not being totally honest with him in some ways and I didn't see this until after I so called stalked him
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NAKEDMUDPEOPLE: Having access to all face book friends and family, I post less.
When we know who we are dealing with we may have opinions that are not always welcomed.
If blocked before reading, read between the lines.
jmho
Nothing wrong with the request, wrong is the response to the request.
When we know who we are dealing with we may have opinions that are not always welcomed.
If blocked before reading, read between the lines.
jmho
Nothing wrong with the request, wrong is the response to the request.
Thanx for your comment NMP... my intentions were good but unfortunately the response was definitly a very sensitive one.
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tomcatwarne: Yes, I am sure you had the best intentions, facebook is overrated and half the games don't work properly.
I don't play the games on fb either tc ... mainly keep contact with family, friends and perhaps make new ones through people I already know but this one threw me for a loop
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CasualCarol: Your Niece Overreacted,
Why so many people on fb suddenly become Drama Queens and Kings is beyond me. I mean, they put their personal stuff out there for all the world to see and then react with horror if someone comments upon it, or uses it to do what Mark Z intended ... to get connected!
You seem like a caring and thoughtful Aunt, even going so far as to purchase a gift to make him feel welcomed (just in case) if he showed up. You did nothing wrong. Stop apologizing to an immature youngster.
Why so many people on fb suddenly become Drama Queens and Kings is beyond me. I mean, they put their personal stuff out there for all the world to see and then react with horror if someone comments upon it, or uses it to do what Mark Z intended ... to get connected!
You seem like a caring and thoughtful Aunt, even going so far as to purchase a gift to make him feel welcomed (just in case) if he showed up. You did nothing wrong. Stop apologizing to an immature youngster.
Thank you for your kind words CC
I did think it was very immature of her but was not sure about the whole modern technology side of it and if I was a bit in the dark ages as far as what is ethical... hence this thread for some feed back so thanx for the input
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Personally I would not have put in for a friend request to a chap that ur niece has recently begun dating. The REAL crime though, is your neices' overkill reaction towards you! Probably based on fear though, for what HE would think. A very sensitive time to be dating, within the first 3 months or so, when u want to make a near perfect impression.
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PrettyPrescious: Personally I would not have put in for a friend request to a chap that ur niece has recently begun dating. The REAL crime though, is your neices' overkill reaction towards you! Probably based on fear though, for what HE would think. A very sensitive time to be dating, within the first 3 months or so, when u want to make a near perfect impression.
Yes PP I get all that now!!
Her making a good impression on him, the fear of me stuffing it up for her by doing what I did and definitely her perception of me ruining the image she was trying to portray of herself to him were all contributors to her sensitive outburst...
My intentions were good but my move was obviously not!!
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Personally I never accept/send friend requests from/to anyone I haven't met in real life.
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Starting a relationship based on making a good impression or giving off some kind of acceptable image of oneself is not my cup of tea and not for my doing but giving off the right impressions/images obviously play an important role for some people including my niece.
Note to self:
... remain mindful that not everyone feels comfortable with being themselves when starting out with others!!
Note to self:
... remain mindful that not everyone feels comfortable with being themselves when starting out with others!! ------ This thread is Archived ------
GalwayGuy35: Personally I never accept/send friend requests from/to anyone I haven't met in real life.
Fair comment GG
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Ummm...yeah, Marie...I think perhaps it's not the done thing to make friendship requests to young men you don't know on FB.
My daughter had to take in family photos for a college art project, after which I received a number of friendship requests from her male classmates. Some very outrageous things were said (apparently 'granny bashing' no longer means mugging pensioners for their purse as it did when I was a teenager). I refused all requests from her pervy mates and it seems they took great delight in how shocked and affronted I was. Thankfully, their focus is now on embarrassing someone else's mum.
As I understand it, it's not etiquette to extend the hand of friendship in such circumstances in case it's misinterpreted, but your niece could have handled it better and with a little humour about your slightly (by today's standards) eccentric behaviour.
Sorry, I'm finding this funny.
I think one of the problems with internet communication is not knowing the series of events leading up to a particular communication. They wouldn't have had knowledge of you seeking out how to spell his name and making the friendship request while you were at it. They will have made sense of it from their own point of reference.
As for blaming you if their relationship falls apart, if they can't handle a batty aunt's tussle with technology, what can they handle?
I'm gonna call you Dodgy Marie from now on.
My daughter had to take in family photos for a college art project, after which I received a number of friendship requests from her male classmates. Some very outrageous things were said (apparently 'granny bashing' no longer means mugging pensioners for their purse as it did when I was a teenager). I refused all requests from her pervy mates and it seems they took great delight in how shocked and affronted I was. Thankfully, their focus is now on embarrassing someone else's mum.
As I understand it, it's not etiquette to extend the hand of friendship in such circumstances in case it's misinterpreted, but your niece could have handled it better and with a little humour about your slightly (by today's standards) eccentric behaviour.
Sorry, I'm finding this funny.
I think one of the problems with internet communication is not knowing the series of events leading up to a particular communication. They wouldn't have had knowledge of you seeking out how to spell his name and making the friendship request while you were at it. They will have made sense of it from their own point of reference.
As for blaming you if their relationship falls apart, if they can't handle a batty aunt's tussle with technology, what can they handle?
I'm gonna call you Dodgy Marie from now on.
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GalwayGuy35: Personally I never accept/send friend requests from/to anyone I haven't met in real life.
Ditto that. I find it rude. FB is for friends not acquaintances or those on the outside wishing they knew what was being said/written. At least one of my friends had/has a stalker who sent FB Friend requests to every name he could see. FB even asks when I auto decline such requests, do you even know this person outside of FB? With great joy I answer no and hope their account gets terminated.
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jac379: Ummm...yeah, Marie...I think perhaps it's not the done thing to make friendship requests to young men you don't know on FB.
My daughter had to take in family photos for a college art project, after which I received a number of friendship requests from her male classmates. Some very outrageous things were said (apparently 'granny bashing' no longer means mugging pensioners for their purse as it did when I was a teenager). I refused all requests from her pervy mates and it seems they took great delight in how shocked and affronted I was. Thankfully, their focus is now on embarrassing someone else's mum.
As I understand it, it's not etiquette to extend the hand of friendship in such circumstances in case it's misinterpreted, but your niece could have handled it better and with a little humour about your slightly (by today's standards) eccentric behaviour.
Sorry, I'm finding this funny.
I think one of the problems with internet communication is not knowing the series of events leading up to a particular communication. They wouldn't have had knowledge of you seeking out how to spell his name and making the friendship request while you were at it. They will have made sense of it from their own point of reference.
As for blaming you if their relationship falls apart, if they can't handle a batty aunt's tussle with technology, what can they handle?
I'm gonna call you Dodgy Marie from now on.
My daughter had to take in family photos for a college art project, after which I received a number of friendship requests from her male classmates. Some very outrageous things were said (apparently 'granny bashing' no longer means mugging pensioners for their purse as it did when I was a teenager). I refused all requests from her pervy mates and it seems they took great delight in how shocked and affronted I was. Thankfully, their focus is now on embarrassing someone else's mum.
As I understand it, it's not etiquette to extend the hand of friendship in such circumstances in case it's misinterpreted, but your niece could have handled it better and with a little humour about your slightly (by today's standards) eccentric behaviour.
Sorry, I'm finding this funny.
I think one of the problems with internet communication is not knowing the series of events leading up to a particular communication. They wouldn't have had knowledge of you seeking out how to spell his name and making the friendship request while you were at it. They will have made sense of it from their own point of reference.
As for blaming you if their relationship falls apart, if they can't handle a batty aunt's tussle with technology, what can they handle?
I'm gonna call you Dodgy Marie from now on.
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Ken_19: Ditto that. I find it rude. FB is for friends not acquaintances or those on the outside wishing they knew what was being said/written. At least one of my friends had/has a stalker who sent FB Friend requests to every name he could see. FB even asks when I auto decline such requests, do you even know this person outside of FB? With great joy I answer no and hope their account gets terminated.
Thanx for your input Ken
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I have a question about ethics on line re: facebook...
My niece has been dating a guy from her work for the last couple of mths and shared her new man story with me when we were on a family dinner at a resturant one night.
She told me he was not like the other guys she had dated in the past and seemed quite keen for us to meet him. She told me his name.
A couple of weeks later it was the eve of Christmas and I was rapping presents. I had bought him a little something just in case she arrived with him to have Xmas lunch with us because she had anticipated him coming. I didnt know how to spell his name so went on facebook to see if she had him on her profile which she did. With that I went to his profile and clicked friend request to extend a little family friendship. Since I was obviously connected to her and many photos of us together to proove it I didn't think it was a problem... then all hell broke loose
She rang and demanded me to undo what I had done because she claimed I don't even know him and hadn't met him so it was considered as "stalking". She called me a weirdo and said she was utterly embarressed about it. She flew into me and said how dare I do what I did!! She also said that if things didn't work out with him she would hold me accountable.
With that I cancelled my friend request and was extremely apologetic about it
My intention was to extend my hand out in friendship but it got chewed up and spat out!!!
I have sent friend requests on facebook to people I'd not met before simply because they were connected to others I know and had never come across being accused as a stalker so not sure what the standard ethics are when it comes to crossing the line.
My question is...
Did I do the wrong thing??
What do ye all think??