He's just not into you... (58)
jac379: If his needs are being met, but yours are being ignored, what's stopping you from discussing that with him, rather than us?
What needs of his are being met is what I don't understand? I'm not giving him anything. Just a random text ever other day. As for discussing it with him. I have and he says that he hates being glued to his phone and that when he gets back from this job he is doing he will make it up to me. Is danieljosh right though? No matter what his job is... should he still be putting a lot of focus on me? We just met and I would think it is okay that he puts his job in priority over me. Yet, I also feel that if he cared to keep my attention that he would make an effort. Since I have spoke to him about it and he told me what was up, I almost feel that I need to stick it out. Would that make me a fool though?
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kelsann: What needs of his are being met is what I don't understand? I'm not giving him anything. Just a random text ever other day. As for discussing it with him. I have and he says that he hates being glued to his phone and that when he gets back from this job he is doing he will make it up to me. Is danieljosh right though? No matter what his job is... should he still be putting a lot of focus on me? We just met and I would think it is okay that he puts his job in priority over me. Yet, I also feel that if he cared to keep my attention that he would make an effort. Since I have spoke to him about it and he told me what was up, I almost feel that I need to stick it out. Would that make me a fool though?
honest opinion unless your somehow stuck on the guy tell to sort it or go away
you look pretty good on your pic so cant see how you would not be able to find someone who will be there for you
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kelsann: ... Since I have spoke to him about it and he told me what was up, I almost feel that I need to stick it out. Would that make me a fool though?
I know a lot of men hate serious relationship talk, but what the heck.
Just what I would do - sit him down, tell him how you feel and say that this is not working for you. You might come to an arrangements that both of you suit or you know that you are wasting your time.
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kelsann: What needs of his are being met is what I don't understand? I'm not giving him anything. Just a random text ever other day. As for discussing it with him. I have and he says that he hates being glued to his phone and that when he gets back from this job he is doing he will make it up to me. Is danieljosh right though? No matter what his job is... should he still be putting a lot of focus on me? We just met and I would think it is okay that he puts his job in priority over me. Yet, I also feel that if he cared to keep my attention that he would make an effort. Since I have spoke to him about it and he told me what was up, I almost feel that I need to stick it out. Would that make me a fool though?
I guess time will tell what his true intentions are so in the meantime, try not to let it mess with your head and see where it goes. I don't like the concept of someone dangling the carrot in front of someone to see how far they'll run for it though.
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kelsann: What needs of his are being met is what I don't understand? I'm not giving him anything. Just a random text ever other day. As for discussing it with him. I have and he says that he hates being glued to his phone and that when he gets back from this job he is doing he will make it up to me. Is danieljosh right though? No matter what his job is... should he still be putting a lot of focus on me? We just met and I would think it is okay that he puts his job in priority over me. Yet, I also feel that if he cared to keep my attention that he would make an effort. Since I have spoke to him about it and he told me what was up, I almost feel that I need to stick it out. Would that make me a fool though?
Why are you worried about being a fool?
I don't see it as being about foolishness, I see it as being about what you would like and he would like.
Assuming that he is away on a job, he doesn't like being glued to his phone and he does want to keep in contact with you, his needs are being met. He's getting to do his job, he's not glued to his phone and so far he's keeping in contact with you via random texts until he gets home.
You're absolutely right, you've only known each other for a few weeks and his work should be his priority.
Your needs aren't being met because you'd like more attention than you're getting. It may be possible, especially if he's working away for a long time, that you find some way where you feel you're getting enough attention, maybe like skype dates once a week, or something. Scrub up, grab a glass of wine, or beer, even a shared meal, whatever. Be creative in some way?
If you'd rather be doing something else, or talking to someone else go and do it, but if you wouldn't, what have you got to lose? A few weeks out of your life finding out whether this will work out, or not?
It may be that he's got a string of dates and you're not all that important; it may be that he's really interested in you, but his idea of a relationship and dating is not your idea and you'll always feel like you're not getting enough attention from him; it may be that he's working away for now, but your relationship will grow into something beautiful.
All relationships are a risk.
It's not foolish to take the time to find out if a relationship is viable, or not. That's how relationships happen, surely? If it's not right for you now and you'll be happier ending it today, end it today. If it won't make you happier today ending it, see what tomorrow brings and see what you're happiest doing doing tomorrow.
Do what's right for you, not what's right for other people.
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jac379:
Do what's right for you, not what's right for other people.
Do what's right for you, not what's right for other people.
There is so much folklore and pop relationship advice out there that we all fall into the trap of trying to analyse our interactions and budding relationships according them. But really, all you need to figure out is how you feel, whether the situation is making you unhappy or not and whether you want to give it more time or not. Don't listen to any of us. We are not in your situation, we are not you nor do we know the person you are talking to. Trust your instincts and do what is right for you. Good luck. ------ This thread is Archived ------
kelsann: So, I met this guy.. a local one. We went on a date and I received mix signals from him. There was a steady flow of conversation and at one point we went to a park and sat at a picnic table to talk. I had mentioned I was cold. Most guys would take advantage and wrap his arms around a woman to offer warmth and to get close. He did not. Having worked that day he was rather tired and ended the date abruptly saying that he was really tired. Said he wanted to go home and sleep. When I got home I went on Skype.. and there he was online. I took the initiative to communicate and said hello and asked how he was since he had been tired. He said he was fine and we started to talk about how the date went. I told him I felt he wasn't interested. He said that wasn't the case at all and that he is very interested, but didn't know how far he could go and wanted to respect my wishes to move slow.
Fast forward to a few weeks later.... We talk once in a while, but typically only if I initiate the conversation, with him doing so perhaps once or twice in the past two weeks. This is always through text or Skype... never on the phone. He says he doesn't like to be glued to his phone. Sometimes he doesn't even reply to my texts.. or we will be in the middle of a conversation and he will stop replying. When we do get to talking it is great. We share common interests and such. He also at that time comes across as interested. We have yet to get together again.. and only I have brought up seeing each other again, which he says he would like. Only problem is... it doesn't happen? Just wondering if I should move on.. or give it time?
Fast forward to a few weeks later.... We talk once in a while, but typically only if I initiate the conversation, with him doing so perhaps once or twice in the past two weeks. This is always through text or Skype... never on the phone. He says he doesn't like to be glued to his phone. Sometimes he doesn't even reply to my texts.. or we will be in the middle of a conversation and he will stop replying. When we do get to talking it is great. We share common interests and such. He also at that time comes across as interested. We have yet to get together again.. and only I have brought up seeing each other again, which he says he would like. Only problem is... it doesn't happen? Just wondering if I should move on.. or give it time?
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kelsann: So, I met this guy.. a local one. We went on a date and I received mix signals from him. There was a steady flow of conversation and at one point we went to a park and sat at a picnic table to talk. I had mentioned I was cold. Most guys would take advantage and wrap his arms around a woman to offer warmth and to get close. He did not. Having worked that day he was rather tired and ended the date abruptly saying that he was really tired. Said he wanted to go home and sleep. When I got home I went on Skype.. and there he was online. I took the initiative to communicate and said hello and asked how he was since he had been tired. He said he was fine and we started to talk about how the date went. I told him I felt he wasn't interested. He said that wasn't the case at all and that he is very interested, but didn't know how far he could go and wanted to respect my wishes to move slow.
Fast forward to a few weeks later.... We talk once in a while, but typically only if I initiate the conversation, with him doing so perhaps once or twice in the past two weeks. This is always through text or Skype... never on the phone. He says he doesn't like to be glued to his phone. Sometimes he doesn't even reply to my texts.. or we will be in the middle of a conversation and he will stop replying. When we do get to talking it is great. We share common interests and such. He also at that time comes across as interested. We have yet to get together again.. and only I have brought up seeing each other again, which he says he would like. Only problem is... it doesn't happen? Just wondering if I should move on.. or give it time?
Fast forward to a few weeks later.... We talk once in a while, but typically only if I initiate the conversation, with him doing so perhaps once or twice in the past two weeks. This is always through text or Skype... never on the phone. He says he doesn't like to be glued to his phone. Sometimes he doesn't even reply to my texts.. or we will be in the middle of a conversation and he will stop replying. When we do get to talking it is great. We share common interests and such. He also at that time comes across as interested. We have yet to get together again.. and only I have brought up seeing each other again, which he says he would like. Only problem is... it doesn't happen? Just wondering if I should move on.. or give it time?
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
If I would have said I'm tired, I've would have gone straight in bed and not Skype. Been tired is not Skype, so the first clue should be there! The second clue is if a woman that I fanzy said to me i'm cold, in a second or so I have put my jacket on her. Tired or not. That's the second clue. The third clue is what ever you want . But I suggest to go slowley.
if not to move on and forget about him ------ This thread is Archived ------
He sounds like he likes you taking the initiative and he can't really be that pushed but goes along with you and keeps abit of contact because you just happen to be there,I'm not saying he doesn't like you but if I were you I'd expect better from him,the choice is yours hope you make the right one for you.best luck if it doesn't work out plenty more fish in the sea.
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Alexandro10: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
If I would have said I'm tired, I've would have gone straight in bed and not Skype. Been tired is not Skype, so the first clue should be there! The second clue is if a woman that I fanzy said to me i'm cold, in a second or so I have put my jacket on her. Tired or not. That's the second clue. The third clue is what ever you want . But I suggest to go slowley. if not to move on and forget about him
If I would have said I'm tired, I've would have gone straight in bed and not Skype. Been tired is not Skype, so the first clue should be there! The second clue is if a woman that I fanzy said to me i'm cold, in a second or so I have put my jacket on her. Tired or not. That's the second clue. The third clue is what ever you want . But I suggest to go slowley. if not to move on and forget about him
He might have been tired because a first date was an anxiety provoking situation for him.
He might have been tired, but couldn't switch off when he got home because a first date was an exciting situation for him.
He might have not wanted a late night out because he wanted to skype with a family member, or friend before it got too late, or before he got too tired.
He might have wanted to get away from the OP and their wretched date and skype with his wife/girlfriend.
It's all just guessing.
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kelsann: I'm sorry, but this is extremely messed up. If they won't fall for shisters, which this scheme seems to be a shister's move. Wouldn't this plan always fail since you want a woman who wouldn't fall for it?
I think the guy just likes you as a friend, but is not really interested in you as a potential girlfriend. It may be because he likes his life ticking along quietly with his job and just doesn't want to have to change anything to accommodate a girlfriend into the picture. I know things are meant to be equal now, but the fact is that men still like to do the chasing, and if he wanted to get in touch he has various ways that he can - but he doesn't.
It's a shame when you like someone and they don't respond to your overtures, but the best thing to do would be get out, get busy and meet other people, it might be it's just the wrong time and you will get together at a later stage, but the fact he was online after saying he was going to sleep is a big hint, don't be a standby girl !
Obstinance_Works : I don't understand the logic of your argument, how pushing everyone away and feigning disinterest is going to sort out the potential life partner ? You seem to have a warped, distrustful view of women - we are not all evil and scheming you know, lol !
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kelsann: I had mentioned I was cold. Most guys would take advantage and wrap his arms around a woman to offer warmth and to get close. He did not.
In certain situations, male friends will lend their jacket to me (it is a common thing and they also do this to other women) when I said I feel so cold. Some even offered me hot drinks. But they didn't hug me of course because they are just friends. LOL
No need to be boyfriend to do good things.
In your situation, I think you have to forget him. If a guy already declare his special feelings to you, he will treat you differently because you are no longer his female friend. He will pay more attention to you, he will introduce you to his family and friends... and sometimes he will show you his a lil bit jealousy-I mean he only wants to show to the world that "you are mine"
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danieljosh: when I met my first wife ( sadly passed on) I was working 12 hour days /nights I always found time for her and other people I cared about sorry he does not ring true
man with serious intention will fulfill his promises and he will say like this (my experience) :
"I absolutely do not want to lose you"
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Kelsann,
I am going to get right to the point, only because I have a similar thread myself, and got a lot of great advice.
He's not putting the same effort into this as you are, so move on.
Good luck!!
I am going to get right to the point, only because I have a similar thread myself, and got a lot of great advice.
He's not putting the same effort into this as you are, so move on.
Good luck!!
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kelsann: What needs of his are being met is what I don't understand? I'm not giving him anything. Just a random text ever other day. As for discussing it with him. I have and he says that he hates being glued to his phone and that when he gets back from this job he is doing he will make it up to me. Is danieljosh right though? No matter what his job is... should he still be putting a lot of focus on me? We just met and I would think it is okay that he puts his job in priority over me. Yet, I also feel that if he cared to keep my attention that he would make an effort. Since I have spoke to him about it and he told me what was up, I almost feel that I need to stick it out. Would that make me a fool though?
sounds reasonable to me...
so why would you settle for less?
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I agree with pretty much all of the comments above. I'm really impressed with the honesty and wisdom and the concern for the OP displayed here. My compliments to everyone and also to the OP who obviously values relationship enough to try to figure this guy out and/or give him the benefit of the doubt. Kudos to all of you.
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And of course women will say to you leave because he's not interested. Yet 90% of women, when they're in this situation themselves, will hamster-rationalise reasons why their situation is somehow different, and that they are somehow more special than all of the other women this happens to.
The point of doing so is what exactly?