Relationship patterns (54)
Nidifugous: I honestly have no clue why 6 months was the rule of thumb back then. I'm talking about when we were in our early 20s. In those days, if you didn't have a husband by 25 or 26, you were almost considered a spinster and the pickings were getting slim.
Yep am talking about the same time. I was married at 21, that was about average then.
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Nidifugous: Today, being old, I am genuinely not interested in dating. The whole concept reminds me too much of a job interview or a shopping spree. Back in the days, dating was a matter of going out and landing the best looking guy with the highest potential for a good future. How things change, eh
I never "dated" when I was young and I simply don't like it.
It was never like that for me when I was young, getting married etc. was never a goal in life - sharing my life with someone special was though. Made some right decisions with all that stuff looking back now.
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Nidifugous: Interesting. Rubber band as in them hankering after their exes?
The concept explained: Men have intimacy cycles. They need a lot of intimacy, then they feel scared and need "me" time and pull away. Then they feel they need intimacy again and come back, then they get their feel of it and need "me" time again and pull away. This is natural and it has nothing to do with the woman. Although, admit it. Every woman has felt a man pull away from them and has felt that she must have done something wrong.------ This thread is Archived ------
Glatlol: Yep am talking about the same time. I was married at 21, that was about average then.
Exactly. I married at 25 and that was considered late.
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KNenagh: I never "dated" when I was young and I simply don't like it.
It was never like that for me when I was young, getting married etc. was never a goal in life - sharing my life with someone special was though. Made some right decisions with all that stuff looking back now.
It was never like that for me when I was young, getting married etc. was never a goal in life - sharing my life with someone special was though. Made some right decisions with all that stuff looking back now.
I wasn't crazy about being married, but the peer and family pressure was big and women didn't have the same opportunities that they have today. The field I wanted to go into was off limits to women back then. The role models that we had were still the virtuous Hausfrau who excels at home economics and all that. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. In hindsight, I made the right decision in terms of choosing the right guy to marry, but perhaps that was just luck.
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M1ck1e: The concept explained: Men have intimacy cycles. They need a lot of intimacy, then they feel scared and need "me" time and pull away. Then they feel they need intimacy again and come back, then they get their feel of it and need "me" time again and pull away. This is natural and it has nothing to do with the woman. Although, admit it. Every woman has felt a man pull away from them and has felt that she must have done something wrong.
Thanks for explaining. I haven't heard about this before. You know what this reminds me of? Little kids. Seriously. When they're very young and feel secure, they venture out and explore up to a point and then run back to mom to kinda fill the emotional gas tank and then when the tank is full, they venture out again. You think this is true for women as well?
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Nidifugous: Have you noticed a pattern in your relationship behavior?
Apart from my marriage, all my relationships either ended or went sour at around the 2-3 year mark. I guess that's the point when things get boring. It didn't happen in my marriage because we had a joint goal and a child and were really busy, but with relationships, there is, at least in my mind, not the same level of commitment as in a marriage and so perhaps I don't try too hard. Anyway, I'm curious whether others out there noticed patterns in their past relationships that repeat themselves? Do you also get bored? or what is it that repeats itself?
Apart from my marriage, all my relationships either ended or went sour at around the 2-3 year mark. I guess that's the point when things get boring. It didn't happen in my marriage because we had a joint goal and a child and were really busy, but with relationships, there is, at least in my mind, not the same level of commitment as in a marriage and so perhaps I don't try too hard. Anyway, I'm curious whether others out there noticed patterns in their past relationships that repeat themselves? Do you also get bored? or what is it that repeats itself?
After my 24 yr marriage I have had 2 dates and none of them were interesting enough to go into a relationship.
So, not relationship pattern at all.
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lifeisadream: After my 24 yr marriage I have had 2 dates and none of them were interesting enough to go into a relationship.
So, not relationship pattern at all.
In the grand scheme of things, that's not a bad !So, not relationship pattern at all.
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Nidifugous: In the grand scheme of things, that's not a bad !
2 times Zero = Zero!!!!!!!
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lifeisadream: 2 times Zero = Zero!!!!!!!
As is 10 times zero and 2 x is less frustrating than 10 or 20 
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Nidifugous: As is 10 times zero and 2 x is less frustrating than 10 or 20
I have given up anyway.
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lifeisadream: I have given up anyway.
Me too
Life's a lot easier as it is. Cheers 
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Nidifugous: I wasn't crazy about being married, but the peer and family pressure was big and women didn't have the same opportunities that they have today. The field I wanted to go into was off limits to women back then. The role models that we had were still the virtuous Hausfrau who excels at home economics and all that. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. In hindsight, I made the right decision in terms of choosing the right guy to marry, but perhaps that was just luck.
Jeez, it was never like this for me. My sister is 12 years older than me (and the complete opposite), she did get married at 28 (she wanted kids and is not the type to be on her own).
There was never pressure for me to get married (quite the opposite, mum said should I ever get the idea, to take my time and not marry without a pre-nub) and my main qualification and area I work in is a male dominated one. Never any pressure to become a Hausfrau here, but then my mum always worked all hours herself and housework etc. just was a necessary evil.
It is interesting how different our surroundings in that regards were.
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We did have a lot of fun together and I'm glad it went that way - I don't find "dating" that much fun tbh.
Today, being old, I am genuinely not interested in dating. The whole concept reminds me too much of a job interview or a shopping spree. Back in the days, dating was a matter of going out and landing the best looking guy with the highest potential for a good future. How things change, eh