BEFORE OR AFTER... (56)
2girlsnocup: Family offering advice is a different ballgame to seeing some random counselor, who knows NOTHING about the people involved, and is paid. Especially as they'll have a 'paint by numbers' book that will be their manual.
I asked my parents and called my Grandparents, and neither felt the need to have counselling before they got married, nor while they're married. Any problems that may have happened, they worked it out between themselves.
I asked my parents and called my Grandparents, and neither felt the need to have counselling before they got married, nor while they're married. Any problems that may have happened, they worked it out between themselves.
Totally agree with you.
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For Better or worse????
What about the stigma??? Been a divorcee,preventing women leaving
their husbands.
What about the stigma??? Been a divorcee,preventing women leaving
their husbands.
SistaCallie: unlaoised... good question. Nothing has happens to the good old fashion way of falling in love and getting married. If you ask your parents or grandparents, they will tell you they fell in love got married, BUT also received premarital counseling ... maybe not as we know it today, but if I were a gambling woman, I would bet, they will tell you that either their father/mother, grandfather, grandmother, pastor, elderly family member or someone close to them gave them some good ole fashion premarital counseling and guidance BEFORE marriage. This is also why marriages of old lasted for 40 and 60 plus years... the couples endured the hard times and the good times with each other for better and worse.
Love doesn't fall out of love, if you truly love a person. True LOVE endures through all thing. As I've stated, premarital counseling is a proactive step, not a reactive step which usually is divorce...
Love doesn't fall out of love, if you truly love a person. True LOVE endures through all thing. As I've stated, premarital counseling is a proactive step, not a reactive step which usually is divorce...
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SistaCallie:
Love doesn't fall out of love, if you truly love a person. True LOVE endures through all thing. As I've stated, premarital counseling is a proactive step, not a reactive step which usually is divorce...
Love doesn't fall out of love, if you truly love a person. True LOVE endures through all thing. As I've stated, premarital counseling is a proactive step, not a reactive step which usually is divorce...
So, OP. Did YOU have that premarital counselling malarkey? If so, then care to explain how it didn't work for you?
You're here trying to front something, yet not really selling it very well.
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2girlsnocup: So, OP. Did YOU have that premarital counselling malarkey? If so, then care to explain how it didn't work for you?
You're here trying to front something, yet not really selling it very well.
You're here trying to front something, yet not really selling it very well.
Hi 2girls, Why would you assume it didn't work for me? It worked for me, it just didn't work for my husband. As I have so stated, there must be a oneness in mind for anything to work because two are involved. I attended premarital and marriage counseling, but he refused, one half does not make a whole by its self.
I was married for 17 yrs. and I have been divorced for 30 yrs, most likely as long as you are old lol... in the 30 yrs. of being divorced, he was married three more times, and as when married to me, his behavior and selfishness never changed.
As for me, yes, it worked fine, because now I know what to search for, and be on the look for in the character of a man, and I've learned how not not to settle for less than who I am.
No, 2girls, I'm not selling anything, nor am I promoting or advocating anything, it would profit me nothing. What would be my purpose to do such?
Thank you for your comment
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chris27292729: For Better or worse????
What about the stigma??? Been a divorcee,preventing women leaving
their husbands.
What about the stigma??? Been a divorcee,preventing women leaving
their husbands.
Hey Chris, the stigma of what?...for better or for worse?Is it better/cheaper to keep her, or is it worse to let her go
Many women leave their husbands ora relationship for many different reasons, just as men also leave their wives... some leaving is warranted, and some is not.
But this is why premarital counseling is good for those who are serious about keeping their marriage or dating relationships together. Many do not know how to cope with conflict resolution or conflict of interest issues and problems outside or inside a dating relationship/marriage. Much learning can be done in premarital counseling before marriage.
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2girlsnocup: Family offering advice is a different ballgame to seeing some random counselor, who knows NOTHING about the people involved, and is paid. Especially as they'll have a 'paint by numbers' book that will be their manual.
I asked my parents and called my Grandparents, and neither felt the need to have counselling before they got married, nor while they're married. Any problems that may have happened, they worked it out between themselves.
I asked my parents and called my Grandparents, and neither felt the need to have counselling before they got married, nor while they're married. Any problems that may have happened, they worked it out between themselves.
2girl, even family advice is a form of premarital counseling. Good to know your parents and grandparents are still married and understand the dynamics of working it out in a marriage, this is most important and is what premarital counseling also teaches.
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SistaCallie: I would like to thank all you for your comments, sorry, can't answer all of you individually as I would like. But your opinions in this discussion are all good, because they are expressions of your own thoughts, and that's what makes it good.
However, I would like to ask how many of you go to see your doctor for six month or yearly check-ups? I mean, even if you're feeling great, do you have regular physical check-ups just to make sure all things are in order and are working together for your good within your body? If yes, then why is there so much opposition when it comes to seeking premarital counsel BEFORE a couple walks down to the altar for marriage. It would seem to me that premarital counseling is the same as having a six months or yearly physical check-up? Many things may or may not be exposed during a counseling section, just as many things may or may not be exposed during a six month or yearly physical exam. tests
My other question to you, if you have never attended a premarital counseling section, how is that you can oppose something you have no knowledge about? Is this opposition be out of fear of possibly learning about yourself or your mate that you take for granted that you would rather not know?
Someone made mention about their Catholic church requiring premarital counseling before marriage... this is very good, because all the topics that are presented in the sections are important to holding and keeping a relationship/marriage on solid ground and together...
Premarital counseling is all about educating ones self about the other person, as well as learning about your own self things that you THINK you already know about yourself, only to find out in a premarital section there is a deep void within. In some instances the void can be filled BEFORE marriage instead of AFTER marriage when its too late, its the taking of proactive measures that makes for a good relationship, and not reactive measures which results in divorce. Many things you learn in premarital counseling that are experienced only in marriage. Therefore, premarital counseling is preparation for what's to come and to expect and how to properly handle those things that are to come effectively, ... nothing more and nothing less.
Relationships are suppose to be built on faith, trust, and honesty, it is a union between two people who come together as one. How can two people walk together unless there is agreement as one?... knowing the inner person is not usually foreseen or known during the dating process, counseling tends to lessens many surprises in marriages?
No, we will never learn every thing about a person, nor will we ever learn everything about our own selves... but from where I sit, its sure is good to know some of those hidden things of a person's mind, hearts, and spirit BEFORE marriage, than to learn about them AFTER marriage.
Moreover, both parties must be in agreement to such counseling.It is a known, that if one party does not agree and think its not important, when the marriage starts to fall apart, it will be very difficult to get the party who disagrees with premarital counseling to attend marriage counseling sections to save, restore, and resolve issues and problems in the marriage, and the disagreeing party is quick to rush out to the divorce lawyer.
However, I would like to ask how many of you go to see your doctor for six month or yearly check-ups? I mean, even if you're feeling great, do you have regular physical check-ups just to make sure all things are in order and are working together for your good within your body? If yes, then why is there so much opposition when it comes to seeking premarital counsel BEFORE a couple walks down to the altar for marriage. It would seem to me that premarital counseling is the same as having a six months or yearly physical check-up? Many things may or may not be exposed during a counseling section, just as many things may or may not be exposed during a six month or yearly physical exam. tests
My other question to you, if you have never attended a premarital counseling section, how is that you can oppose something you have no knowledge about? Is this opposition be out of fear of possibly learning about yourself or your mate that you take for granted that you would rather not know?
Someone made mention about their Catholic church requiring premarital counseling before marriage... this is very good, because all the topics that are presented in the sections are important to holding and keeping a relationship/marriage on solid ground and together...
Premarital counseling is all about educating ones self about the other person, as well as learning about your own self things that you THINK you already know about yourself, only to find out in a premarital section there is a deep void within. In some instances the void can be filled BEFORE marriage instead of AFTER marriage when its too late, its the taking of proactive measures that makes for a good relationship, and not reactive measures which results in divorce. Many things you learn in premarital counseling that are experienced only in marriage. Therefore, premarital counseling is preparation for what's to come and to expect and how to properly handle those things that are to come effectively, ... nothing more and nothing less.
Relationships are suppose to be built on faith, trust, and honesty, it is a union between two people who come together as one. How can two people walk together unless there is agreement as one?... knowing the inner person is not usually foreseen or known during the dating process, counseling tends to lessens many surprises in marriages?
No, we will never learn every thing about a person, nor will we ever learn everything about our own selves... but from where I sit, its sure is good to know some of those hidden things of a person's mind, hearts, and spirit BEFORE marriage, than to learn about them AFTER marriage.
Moreover, both parties must be in agreement to such counseling.It is a known, that if one party does not agree and think its not important, when the marriage starts to fall apart, it will be very difficult to get the party who disagrees with premarital counseling to attend marriage counseling sections to save, restore, and resolve issues and problems in the marriage, and the disagreeing party is quick to rush out to the divorce lawyer.
good thread callie. (by the way, no need to “sell” anything).
unfortunately, many walk through life with blinders on.
I suspect the ones opposed to exploration are the same ones who wouldn’t think of compromise.
control freaks if you will
it’s my way or the highway….
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SistaCallie: Hi Lady, please explain your comment ... how is your above comment to be so? ... thanks
Do we really need to 'consult' with a counsellor on how to interact with one another? If it's not working then you should not be together. Marriage or pre-marriag counselling sounds to me like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Or is going to this kind of counselling not just a way of handing over responsibility for our relationships to some one else? As I said before, it's not for me but if it works for others than great for them.
Pleasure to meet you btw, SistaCallie
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My "stigma" reference,was about your post 43."Ask your parents and Grand parents"". In our grand parents time,it was "stigma" for a woman,to be divorced.What kind of advice to give to their kids,those days,when divorces,were a rarety.-In an unhappy marriage,in our grand parents times,women wouldn't even passing through their minds,getting a divorce,and were usually,the victims of violent and despotic husbands.
SistaCallie: Hey Chris, the stigma of what?...for better or for worse?Is it better/cheaper to keep her, or is it worse to let her go
Many women leave their husbands ora relationship for many different reasons, just as men also leave their wives... some leaving is warranted, and some is not.
But this is why premarital counseling is good for those who are serious about keeping their marriage or dating relationships together. Many do not know how to cope with conflict resolution or conflict of interest issues and problems outside or inside a dating relationship/marriage. Much learning can be done in premarital counseling before marriage.
Many women leave their husbands ora relationship for many different reasons, just as men also leave their wives... some leaving is warranted, and some is not.
But this is why premarital counseling is good for those who are serious about keeping their marriage or dating relationships together. Many do not know how to cope with conflict resolution or conflict of interest issues and problems outside or inside a dating relationship/marriage. Much learning can be done in premarital counseling before marriage.
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chris27292729: My "stigma" reference,was about your post 43."Ask your parents and Grand parents"". In our grand parents time,it was "stigma" for a woman,to be divorced.What kind of advice to give to their kids,those days,when divorces,were a rarety.-In an unhappy marriage,in our grand parents times,women wouldn't even passing through their minds,getting a divorce,and were usually,the victims of violent and despotic husbands.
There were several stigmas back obviously during my grandparents day.In regards to marriage women didn't have the means to get out of a abusive relationship so they had no choice but remain in it.
It was also taboo for young girls to have a baby and sometimes if not all the times parents would send their daughters to a home of some kind and make up excuses of why their daughters were away.
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SistaCallie: unlaoised... good question. Nothing has happens to the good old fashion way of falling in love and getting married. If you ask your parents or grandparents, they will tell you they fell in love got married, BUT also received premarital counseling ... maybe not as we know it today, but if I were a gambling woman, I would bet, they will tell you that either their father/mother, grandfather, grandmother, pastor, elderly family member or someone close to them gave them some good ole fashion premarital counseling and guidance BEFORE marriage. This is also why marriages of old lasted for 40 and 60 plus years... the couples endured the hard times and the good times with each other for better and worse.
Love doesn't fall out of love, if you truly love a person. True LOVE endures through all thing. As I've stated, premarital counseling is a proactive step, not a reactive step which usually is divorce...
Love doesn't fall out of love, if you truly love a person. True LOVE endures through all thing. As I've stated, premarital counseling is a proactive step, not a reactive step which usually is divorce...
So, I asked my parents if they received counselling before they married. They had never heard of such a thing, it wasn't done in their day here. They've been married for 61 years
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SistaCallie: Hi 2girls, Why would you assume it didn't work for me? It worked for me, it just didn't work for my husband. As I have so stated, there must be a oneness in mind for anything to work because two are involved. I attended premarital and marriage counseling, but he refused, one half does not make a whole by its self.
I was married for 17 yrs. and I have been divorced for 30 yrs, most likely as long as you are old lol... in the 30 yrs. of being divorced, he was married three more times, and as when married to me, his behavior and selfishness never changed.
As for me, yes, it worked fine, because now I know what to search for, and be on the look for in the character of a man, and I've learned how not not to settle for less than who I am.
No, 2girls, I'm not selling anything, nor am I promoting or advocating anything, it would profit me nothing. What would be my purpose to do such?
Thank you for your comment
I was married for 17 yrs. and I have been divorced for 30 yrs, most likely as long as you are old lol... in the 30 yrs. of being divorced, he was married three more times, and as when married to me, his behavior and selfishness never changed.
As for me, yes, it worked fine, because now I know what to search for, and be on the look for in the character of a man, and I've learned how not not to settle for less than who I am.
No, 2girls, I'm not selling anything, nor am I promoting or advocating anything, it would profit me nothing. What would be my purpose to do such?
Thank you for your comment
A leopard won't change his spots. The counselling wasn't worth the effort if it wasn't heeded by him. He obviously has the mindset of a lot of people, and think it's a lot of crystal waving rubbish.
I know what to look for and haven't settled for anything less than I deserve, and all without paying to see someone who doesn't know the slightest thing about what my partner and me are like.
"Selling" wasn't meant in a literal sense. I thought that would have been obvious. It's used in the same manner as when someone says some crap, and you'd reply "I ain't buying that!"
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Lots of my friends have been married for over 40 years now and I don't remember any of them going for pre-marital counselling. Only one girl I remember that I shared a room with in the YWCA when I was 17 and she actually went to see if they were compatible for producing children, but I have no knowledge of whether they endured.
The first step is to be willing to even attempt the passage. No-one can predict the storms you will face on the journey.
The first step is to be willing to even attempt the passage. No-one can predict the storms you will face on the journey.
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SistaCallie: I personally, think if a COUPLE is serious about getting married during the dating stage, they should attend premarital counseling. They will find out a lot more information about each other through premarital counseling sections that ofttimes does not come out when dating... after the counseling sections, you may or may not care to be anymore than friends... OR maybe not even friends
Premarital counseling BEFORE they get serious in a relationship or engaged OR AFTER they have gotten engaged headed to the altar, OR NOT AT ALL?. Will such counseling help the relationship before getting married or in marraige?
Good TreadPremarital counseling BEFORE they get serious in a relationship or engaged OR AFTER they have gotten engaged headed to the altar, OR NOT AT ALL?. Will such counseling help the relationship before getting married or in marraige?
If a couple about to get married are 
it would be best. YES.It would be a great idea.------ This thread is Archived ------
The problem is that if me and my potential future partner went to a counsellor they would recommend highly that the woman run like hell whilst they had the chance.
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Does it???
Premarital counseling BEFORE they get serious in a relationship or engaged OR AFTER they have gotten engaged headed to the altar, OR NOT AT ALL?. Will such counseling help the relationship before getting married or in marraige?