Guys! I need a guy's perspective! (21)
Honestly, i feel if a man is that interested in a woman he would let her know.
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Why, instead of trying to over analyze this,
don`t you just ask him? If you and he are as friendly as you say
you are, then there is no reason this would be a risk to the
relationship. Be honest and forthcoming, I think he will appreciate
that. Isn`t that the way you`ve always been with him?
don`t you just ask him? If you and he are as friendly as you say
you are, then there is no reason this would be a risk to the
relationship. Be honest and forthcoming, I think he will appreciate
that. Isn`t that the way you`ve always been with him?
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Ummmm...you need to realize, if it were me....................I would have met with you. I am not going to spend that much time and then never meet!!!
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Darn it if that doesn't make perfect sense. I think I'm just afraid. Sucks! It's this whole stupid thing where if I were further along (aka weight loss) I'd feel more comfortable.
Sounds stupid, I know. I can honestly say that I also have body types I prefer so its not as if it's a bad thing.
I think I'm just fearful of rejection and then at the same time making a friendship wierd.
Ugh!
Thanks for the advice and clarity. :)
Sounds stupid, I know. I can honestly say that I also have body types I prefer so its not as if it's a bad thing.
I think I'm just fearful of rejection and then at the same time making a friendship wierd.
Ugh!
Thanks for the advice and clarity. :)
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maybe like you he has put on a bit of weight...
and has the same anxieties as you....
apart from that if you two havent made arrangements to re meet..
perhaps its because deep down you are both happy with a platonic friendship..
and has the same anxieties as you....
apart from that if you two havent made arrangements to re meet..
perhaps its because deep down you are both happy with a platonic friendship..
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Indeed. As the Greg Behrent (sp?) book says... "he's just not that into you."
Could it be that we're both just totally chicken? hehe... not bloody likely!
Well, I'll just have to figure out my course of action...
Could it be that we're both just totally chicken? hehe... not bloody likely!
Well, I'll just have to figure out my course of action...
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Thanks btw everyone :)
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"When Harry met Sally" comes to mind..................You are a beautiful woman Sophie and I think he might have parallel fears to yours.....Being the good friends you are mean you should both talk about your relationship openly and honestly.
If it comes to light that he doesn't want an intimate relationship, you would have lost nothing. If he feels differently, you would have gained something beautiful.
Sometimes it's better t be honest and open instead of always wondering what might have happened.
JMO
Good luck to you Sophie
If it comes to light that he doesn't want an intimate relationship, you would have lost nothing. If he feels differently, you would have gained something beautiful.
Sometimes it's better t be honest and open instead of always wondering what might have happened.
JMO
Good luck to you Sophie
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If i was calling you at all times threw the day id be definetely into you
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i'll cut straight to the chase. i met a girl i knew years ago who was thin and nice back then. we got it on - we were young. so 7 years on we hooked up and we had a drink but even though she wanted more (they always do with me (sorry guys) :-) - i wasn't going there. why? because in my mind while i had strived and worked hard to ensure i was fitter and better and wealthier etc - she hadn't invested the same energy that i had. to that end i didn't find her as attractive as i did in my youthful years. she was heavier, she talked the same, worked in the same job etc. weight matters of course as you point out - many people look for body types. i look for a woman who invests a similar amount of time in herself as i do in myself. its a commonality thing.
as for the guy calling you - well - if i were you i'd delay. tell him you need to think and you'll call him back in a year (that's right - a whole year) - it will cut out the slow death. then work like mad at losing the weight. call him back as the new confident you. i'm sure if you made your phone call something like - hey - what you doing tonight - out of the blue - he'd bite. :-)
as for the guy calling you - well - if i were you i'd delay. tell him you need to think and you'll call him back in a year (that's right - a whole year) - it will cut out the slow death. then work like mad at losing the weight. call him back as the new confident you. i'm sure if you made your phone call something like - hey - what you doing tonight - out of the blue - he'd bite. :-)
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well you've obviously got something going on but you'll never know until you know what's on his mind. it's obvious that you're too afraid (for whatever reason) to just come out with it so i'd say the best idea is just to ask him out for a beer/coffee/walk and take it from there. that way you're asking him out without actually asking him out if u know what i mean. good luck with that anyway.
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So talking about a relationship that could have been going on 5 years, and sounds like has survived the shorter ones. Seems he is on the "buddy" path just over the phone while you want more . . . . and he skipped that beer.
Seems he is not ready to settle down or truely continue on with the relationship, or take it to the next step. Ask him why. Just as you added a few lbs, so he may have too (as another posted) or has his own baggage. Something is holding him back, but he won't talk about it.
Good luck.
Jamie
Seems he is not ready to settle down or truely continue on with the relationship, or take it to the next step. Ask him why. Just as you added a few lbs, so he may have too (as another posted) or has his own baggage. Something is holding him back, but he won't talk about it.
Good luck.
Jamie
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If are being real with him,and talk that often,havn't you ever brought your weight change into it somhow?Could it be he had romanic,loving relationship just ended before calling you?Maybe he is lonley for anyone to talk to since that brea up.Or he may respect your opinion and have talking to you as part of his solution.
Like a few others have said,why wonder,drive your head crazy when you could be using it for moreimpotant things.Ask right out,"since we've been doing this for awhile now,I have started to wonder,why you called me at 1st out of the blue and what would your choice be with us?Freinds,best pals,dating but shy of asking?"Be honest say what you feel.Isay it like it is in life last 20yrs.,put's aside that going over the maybe's in your head.Whatever he wants from you or to give you,get it out.Otherwise you 2 will at some point move on your own ways and you'll never know.If he wants to meet,say something about your weight issue,it may not be to him.
Like a few others have said,why wonder,drive your head crazy when you could be using it for moreimpotant things.Ask right out,"since we've been doing this for awhile now,I have started to wonder,why you called me at 1st out of the blue and what would your choice be with us?Freinds,best pals,dating but shy of asking?"Be honest say what you feel.Isay it like it is in life last 20yrs.,put's aside that going over the maybe's in your head.Whatever he wants from you or to give you,get it out.Otherwise you 2 will at some point move on your own ways and you'll never know.If he wants to meet,say something about your weight issue,it may not be to him.
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Thanks everybody for your insight. I really appreciate it and have some thinking to do. It's not something that consumes me, but it most certainly is something I do think about and should figure out.
Thanks for helping me out!
Thanks for helping me out!
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I think that there is a lot of truth to your words "referring to the investing in yourself"
As for your situation Sophie .... I think that if this guy were "into you as a potential partner" he'd be asking you out on dates instead of other women. Friendship seems to be his relationship with you - so you either have to accept this or not. Don't put your life on hold for anyone - start dating yourself - there are many wonderful men out there who actually desire a relationship.
As for your situation Sophie .... I think that if this guy were "into you as a potential partner" he'd be asking you out on dates instead of other women. Friendship seems to be his relationship with you - so you either have to accept this or not. Don't put your life on hold for anyone - start dating yourself - there are many wonderful men out there who actually desire a relationship.
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Weight, no weight...whatever. Most guys are not going to be "friends" with a gal that they don't aspire to have something more with. He likes you, the YOU he talks to on the phone. He respects you and cares about you and your opinions. Does it mean that he's calling for a quick F**K, NOPE, to the contrary. Sometimes playful banter in the direction of a relationship turns the light switch on. "Hey, you know what, we ought to make a date to go out at least once a month" Getting some together time will announce the chemistry or deny it. My opinion, at this point, is that the guy is really into you.
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No, it's not normal from my perspective, but I don't call anyone 3 times a day... even if I'm stalking them.
He may just want to be friends, or he may be assuming you just want to be friends.
He may just want to be friends, or he may be assuming you just want to be friends.
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Created: Oct 2007
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I have a somewhat unique situation. Or is it? I don't know... I hope this makes sense! Here goes...
A little under 10 years ago I met a guy. We were both in our mid to late 20s at the time. We ended up sleeping together a couple of times, the last time being about 5 or 6 years ago. That's also the last time I saw him in person. We've always gotten along well and always chatted on instant messenger, shared banter and it wasn't until his father passed away that we started speaking on the phone with more regularity. We're both in our mid-30s now and have had our various short-term relationships throughout the time we've known each other.
So his father passed away earlier this year and from that point on, we've spoken nearly every day. Lately, multiple times a day (think: morning, noon, night). Thing is I don't mind and as a matter of fact, I look forward to it. He instigates the majority of the calls (think: 95%) and we talk about a variation of things. Sometimes we're just silly and laugh about stupid stuff. Heck, that's more often than not! In the past, not quite so much this year, he's discussed dating stuff (regarding other women) with me and sometimes even asked for my input. So I told him straight up what I thought. I think he appreciated it but privately I always was kind of bummed that we weren't dating b/c he's a great guy.
We have a great connection as far as I'm concerned, I think he'd agree. I do care about him and sometimes I wonder if I have feelings for the "ideal' him and wonder what it would be like in person again. I just wonder what is on his mind? What could be his motivation for calling me everyday? Could it be that he's just enjoying the buddy thing and being silly?
He lets me know whats going on with him, calls me when he goes on trips and calls me when he is on his way somewhere. I seem to have to step back and try not to over-analyze too much to save my feelings from getting hurt. Also, I think both of us have tried to not hurt eachother's feelings as far as speaking about going out with others too much.
Some months ago I mentioned meeting for a beer. That never materialized (for whatever reason) and I have to say I was privately both relieved and a little hurt. You see, due to a variety of reasons, I've gained all my weight back that I had lost before the first time we ever met. So I'm not as thin (not even close) as when we first met. I feel like some of the reason we've not gotten together is because of my shame surrounding that. So in all honesty, perhaps its me who is holding progression back?
I hope this all makes sense....
I do love the attention (even if it's by phone) and I very much love the witty banter we share. I feel like I know him very well. I just wonder if, from a guys perspective, is this normal? Does a guy call so often if he's not interested in taking it to another level? Or is it a buddy thing? Either way, I wouldn't want to be without him I don't think... he's been a constant. I have this fear that if I bring this up, that it might ruin what we've got going. Which is what.... I don't know.
Thoughts?