Do you want a laugh? (12)

Little Billy came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"

His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."

"Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"

"What do you mean?" said Dad.

"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"

Happy friday LisaJane!!! Nearly the weekend... and that can't be bad!!!

Man goes into a shop in Morroco and buys a lamp with a genie inside. He rubs the lamp and out pops the genie. " Ok " says the genie,
" before you start I,ve had a pretty heavy week so I can only give you one wish,fire away Tarzan."

" Well ok, I,d like a motorway all the way to New York." says the man.

" Wow " says the genie " do you know what,s involved here, I mean I need millions of tons of concrete, a service area every hundred miles....
can you wish for something a little less demanding?"

"Err,ok, how about this. You know this man woman thing is supposed to be like the most natural,simple thing in the world, you know, boy likes girl, girl likes boy....and yet it all seems to have become so,so complicated. You know,sometimes I hit on a girl who I think is interested and it turns out she was just being friendly, and sometimes I shy away from a girl who I find out later really did have the hots for me. Can you come up with some sort of solution to that?"

" Ok " says the genie " about that motorway, how many lanes do you want, two, four......?"

Everytime this bloke goes out to a party with his wife and mother of six children, when it,s time to go he calls out loudly across the room " Are you ready to go, mother of six?"

She gets her own back one day when she stands up and says for all to hear " Yes I am ready to go, how about you, father of one."

A little boy wakes up three nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents bedroom. Finally, one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down on him."

His mom is taken by surprise and says. "Oh ... well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."

The boy says, "That won't work."

His mom says, "Why?"

The boy replies. "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"

This reminds me of a true story of old friends my ex's.

Upon arriving into their youngest daughter's classroom for "meet the teacher day" ... There on the wall pinned next to the work of all the other children is their daughter's few lines diary of "last weekend" : I am very tired because the bed of my mum and dad was banging on my bedoom wall all night. This happens a lot and that is why I'm very tired ....

Hahahahaha! Parents then had to meet the teacher and be shown the kids work all the while watching all the parents arrive and read the kids work pinned on the wall

An Amish boy and his father were in a shopping mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again The boy asked,

"What is this, Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator)
responded,
"Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old
lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the
numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.

The father said quietly to his son, "Go and get your mother."

A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"

Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."

The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"