Falling In Virtual Love... (45)
Ambrose2007: Well-put, JB. I didn't intend to argue that virtual communication is actually superior to RL communication, though it almost sounded like it. Clearly, RL interaction is superior, for the reasons you've presented.
I think our main disagreement is over how far one can take a relationship virtually. Also, I'm counting phone conversation as "virtual," which I think offers far better opportunities for getting to no someone versus email or IM.
I think our main disagreement is over how far one can take a relationship virtually. Also, I'm counting phone conversation as "virtual," which I think offers far better opportunities for getting to no someone versus email or IM.
"...getting to know someone..."
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Ambrose2007: I feel sooo happy - and sooo sad - for you, Dana (both at once;-).
Thank you, sweetie. I've made my peace with it. Still, a week ago I was an extremely happy person. Today, well, it'll be better than yesterday.
Boy catch me at the wrong time. I agree with Jeff, who agreed with me.
I'm not, and I doubt Jeff is either, suggesting that there isn't more to love than what we get online or on the phone. I do believe that there should be a physical / chemical aspect as well. But I've dated people over weeks and not not gotten beyond the superficial aspects of what really turned out to be a physical attraction for someone rather than a real attraction to them as a person. I knew more about this man the first time we chatted online than I've known men that I've dated for weeks. I've been burned in relationships to the point that I truly didn't believe I would ever feel like I do now. Part of that reason is because I wouldn't allow myself to be. The somewhat anonymous nature of starting a relationship online led me to open up more. I'm still the same person, I relate to people the same way, but I was able to open up in ways that I would never have done. And, as Jeff knows, I had to make an effort to open myself and my heart up more and more every day. It was the form of communication that allowed me to do that, not the fact that I'm being a mere facsimilie of myself. I'm very much the same online and off.
When you think back to the WWII generation. They often fell madly in love with one another through letters. They didn't get to call or have any kind of instant communication. They laid their hearts bare on paper. I've often thought that those couples that married after the war had some kind of advantage. I just couldn't put my finger on it. Now I understand that they fell in love with the person and accepted that person for who they knew in their written word. The physical aspect came later, but by then they had a strong bond to one another as people. They just did it by snail mail. We can do it instantaneously.
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I do understand what you are saying about opening up and really getting to know someone via the written word. I guess it comes down to trust issues with me. If I can see someone I can usually read them quite well, the different mannerisms, how they carry themselves, if they make eye contact during the conversation etc. On line, or by phone I have no way of reading a person other then their words and that scares the hell out of me, how do you gauge the sincerity behind the words. I guess I still have some serious trust issues.
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I been in virtual love, sadly that was most of my dating experiance.. it was how I met my hubby. He was from USA, me in Canada. It didn't work out. Now I am saying no no to long distance virtual love. I still can MEET someone online, but in general.. I want someone I can "keep it real" with. It's just too heartbreaking loving someone that you can't see when you want. I hate long distance love.
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I guess I'm not trusting enough to give full merit to the written word because anyone with good writing skills can portray something they may not feel. IM is a bit different because the responses are so quick a person doesn't have the time to word things just so and I think it makes it easier to read between the lines.
Physical proximity for me enhances communication, rather then distracts from it. The ability to show compassion by reaching out to touch the person, or to smile at something amusing, or looking into their eyes to show understanding. For me it takes communicating to a much higher level then just words.
Well-put, JB. I didn't intend to argue that virtual communication is actually superior to RL communication, though it almost sounded like it. Clearly, RL interaction is superior, for the reasons you've presented.
I think our main disagreement is over how far one can take a relationship virtually. Also, I'm counting phone conversation as "virtual," which I think offers far better opportunities for getting to no someone versus email or IM.