Ok...I need some advice.....PLEASE!!!! ( Archived) (37)

Just one more thought...

Don't badger him half to death over it. Some kids just aren't "school material". Meaning some of the most brilliant, successful people in the world didn't do worth a flip in school. Help him find what he likes to do or what he's good at, then capitalize on it.

Summer school, but make him pay. Part time jobs, doing work for you, whatever. Perhaps over a long period of time, not the summer when he's also in school. Holding him back will put him in a worse position in school and in life. He's still a minor, so still your responsibility. If you feel he has failed, you also mean that you mean you have failed. If he committed a crime, you'd still be liable, no?

But he should pay the costs.

i know ur pain i to am a single parent and had the same problem with my daughter. here is what i did i gave her a choice she could either get held back or go to summer school but if she chose to go to summer school she would have to work off what i had to pay for summer school by doing extra chores and baby-sitting for a family friend. if that helps any.

Hi,
I'm no professional. Well, I'm a teacher at a high school, but...no professional counselor or anything like that. However, I've had tons of experience with children and teaching them and dealing with kids who goof around instead of working, so maybe I can be of some help.
His lack of concentration could be due to a variety of things. He may be looking for attention from you or anybody else (this is often the case). It this is the reason, then I would suggest the summer school, but you should sit down with him every day while he does his work and help him with it. Many parents I meet are 'too busy' or something or other to help their children with their problems (I'm not saying that you are one of these) and my response is that we only get one chance to help our children and if work is more important than they are, then there are some priority checks that need to be considered. Another possibility is that the work he is doing has become too challenging for him and so he is acting up and goofing around in order to hide this. Again, it's not going to help to put him in summer school and leave it at that. Quality time with him is the best answer. It may be challenging for both of you because he may resist your help because he doesn't want to admit that he's having problems. And another possibility is that he's hyperactive or more of an artistically minded child, not a 'thinker' who can sit for long times and listen quietly. This is common and people tend to think that children are 'hyperactive' or not smart because of their behaviour, when in fact, it's because they are extremely talented, but in another area. Does he doodle a lot in class? Does he spend more time creating things instead of studying things? Does he draw a lot? This is a good indication that he's more artistic. The last thing is that he may simply just need more discipline. Kids are kids, and when they can get away with doing nothing, that's what they'll do. If my mom didn't sit me down and force me to do my work, it never would've gotten done. If this is the case, sitting down with him while he does his work may be the best thing. Showing him that you're willing to make the same sacrifice that he is in order for him to learn will show him how important this is to him. There was one more, but I'm forgotten it. I'm very sorry. I hope that this has helped you.
Good luck.
-Kyuzo
"Train as you live, and live as you train."

"And another possibility is that he's hyperactive or more of an artistically minded child, not a 'thinker' who can sit for long times and listen quietly. This is common and people tend to think that children are 'hyperactive' or not smart because of their behaviour, when in fact, it's because they are extremely talented, but in another area. Does he doodle a lot in class? Does he spend more time creating things instead of studying things? Does he draw a lot? This is a good indication that he's more artistic. The last thing is that he may simply just need more discipline. Kids are kids, and when they can get away with doing nothing, that's what they'll do."

hit it on the head there...

kids aren't recognized as individuals anymore... hearded in sat and test boxes...

and, discipline? you bet! Just make sure to follow through with ti. They learn our tolerance levels and will push beyond until you give in, lol.

If I could just add something, please. My mother was also a single parent and had to raise my sister and I by herself. It was so very hard for her, but she still made time to help us. If you're too busy, perhaps a peer group or a program like that will help him. On the other hand, if it's YOU that he's trying to get the attention of, then I'm afraid you need to be the one to spend the time with him.
In all my experience, very seldom does the 'sink or swim' approach that many people are suggesting actually work. He's 13. It's terribly hard, I know, but he probably just needs your help rather than being forced to learn 'the hard way'. In many cases, teaching 'the hard way' only causes resentment and worse behaviour, whether now or later in life.
When he reaches 16 or 17, then I would suggest letting him learn by stronger methods. At 13, it's just going to get worse. At this age, he's deciding and learning how he's going to behave for the rest of his life. 13 is the start. At 14, my students begin to really jump into puberty and their attitudes change dramatically. At 15, they become wild animals bent on the destruction of teacher-kind as we know it (I'm embellishing a bit). At 16, they begin to calm down or stay at the 15 stage. At 17, they start to realize that there's a bigger world out there (and develope the attitude that they're ready for it!). At 18, this trend of 'I'm old enough for anything' tends to continue. At 19, well, just hope that they've made it through and they're off at university. 19 tends to be the 'learn by your mistakes' age and it's up to them to learn on their own.
I hope this helps. If at all possible, don't force your children to grow up too fast. Ages 13-18 are a very rough time for them, even though it seems that WE'RE the ones getting the rough time.
Take care.
-Kyuzo
"Live as you train, and train as you live."

I deal with my son as if he were a young adult....to a certain point.
I let him know that he has choices to make...I always let him make his own choice...this will teach him not only that he has a right to choose what happens in his life...but that with every choice there comes a consequence. That will help him thru out life...

Anyway...I am very involved with my kids' school life...I am not the smartest person...but if I dont know the answer when it comes to homework I get online and find the answer so I can help him.

I will sit down with him and give him the option of summer school or 7th grade again. Once again giving him the power to choose.

He does doodle and draw all day....I know he is a very creative kid. He is very artistic...He has a lot of wonderful Ideas in his head...I know he is not gonna be the best kid acedmically but He does need to finish high school. So as a parent it is my responsibility to help him get thru. I don't expect A's and B's from him...Just that he do his best...And failing 4 of 7 classes is not his best. I know that!!
Anyway thank you all so much for your advice....it was all good and was definately taken in by me!!
Thanks again!!! Tonya

If I were you I'd let your son be held back.Children today need most of all to learn that there are consequences for their actions.If you pay for his summer school he will not learn anything except that if he gets himself in trouble,his mother will be there to bail him out.Tough love has to be just that,tough.James

Perhaps he's too young to learn by himself. He is not an adult. Perhaps he needs someone in authority to give him direction. He has no basis for such decision making.

could he have private tutoring at home to help him