I am a stepmother, and I only just found out. (34)
karen1973: Just got off the phone from my husband (not divorced yet, long story), and was asking me how I would feel if he had another baby sometime. Would I still let him see the 3 children we have, etc etc. Being married to him for this long, I knew where this was leading so I asked him straight out "Is your Girlfriend pregnant?". His answer has shocked me so much. He has a 7 month old daughter.
He has only seen the children he has with me 5 times in the last year, he doesnt give me any child support, and now he is going to spring a stepsister on them? He is always telling the kids (aged 5, 3 and 1) that he is coming to visit, and then just not turning up. It seems I now know why.
I am just so angry, and hurt for my children right now.
He has only seen the children he has with me 5 times in the last year, he doesnt give me any child support, and now he is going to spring a stepsister on them? He is always telling the kids (aged 5, 3 and 1) that he is coming to visit, and then just not turning up. It seems I now know why.
I am just so angry, and hurt for my children right now.
ouch.
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Although you are hurt and angry, your chlidren are so young, it's not going to mean a lot to them except that there is someone ellse to play with if/when they see Dad. However, you need to be careful because they will mirror your feelings. If you are upset and do not accept this poor child who did nothing to you except to be born, your children will most likely take the same attitude. You must use discretion and put forth your best in front of them so that they can accept this step-sister and grow to love her as they should. It's a tough row to hoe for sure. Best of luck.
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karen1973: Just got off the phone from my husband (not divorced yet, long story), and was asking me how I would feel if he had another baby sometime. Would I still let him see the 3 children we have, etc etc. Being married to him for this long, I knew where this was leading so I asked him straight out "Is your Girlfriend pregnant?". His answer has shocked me so much. He has a 7 month old daughter.
He has only seen the children he has with me 5 times in the last year, he doesnt give me any child support, and now he is going to spring a stepsister on them? He is always telling the kids (aged 5, 3 and 1) that he is coming to visit, and then just not turning up. It seems I now know why.
I am just so angry, and hurt for my children right now.
He has only seen the children he has with me 5 times in the last year, he doesnt give me any child support, and now he is going to spring a stepsister on them? He is always telling the kids (aged 5, 3 and 1) that he is coming to visit, and then just not turning up. It seems I now know why.
I am just so angry, and hurt for my children right now.
Sorry to hear about this ...... truly it strikes me as odd that he wouldn't have let you know from the beginning instead of waiting throughout the pregnancy and then a further seven months. Personally if it were me - I'd tell the kids myself and it truly doesn't have to be "bad news" but wonderful news in the fact that they've got a baby sister. Nothing you can do will change the situation - so make the best of it and hopefully now that he's finally let this huge secret out .... he'll be around more for the kids.
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karen1973: Just got off the phone from my husband (not divorced yet, long story), and was asking me how I would feel if he had another baby sometime. Would I still let him see the 3 children we have, etc etc. Being married to him for this long, I knew where this was leading so I asked him straight out "Is your Girlfriend pregnant?". His answer has shocked me so much. He has a 7 month old daughter.
He has only seen the children he has with me 5 times in the last year, he doesnt give me any child support, and now he is going to spring a stepsister on them? He is always telling the kids (aged 5, 3 and 1) that he is coming to visit, and then just not turning up. It seems I now know why.
I am just so angry, and hurt for my children right now.
He has only seen the children he has with me 5 times in the last year, he doesnt give me any child support, and now he is going to spring a stepsister on them? He is always telling the kids (aged 5, 3 and 1) that he is coming to visit, and then just not turning up. It seems I now know why.
I am just so angry, and hurt for my children right now.
I'm feeling like that for mine too at the moment.
Last year my ex told the children he was taking them to Disneyland Florida this summer.. they have been sooooooo excited.
(especially my youngest son, who feels AND hurts the most)
The kids have been getting more and more excited as the time approaches..
then a few days ago I spoke to him and he was telling me he and his GF were booking a 2wk holiday to Mauritius.. I said.. 'Oh.. that the same time you had planned to take the kids to Florida'
he said.. 'Florida?...
I said.. 'Ermm.. yeah.. you told them you were taking them to Disneyland this summer'
He said.. 'Oh.. erhhmm.. did I?.. Oh.. well I can't afford this and that.. can YOU tell them I will take them another year'
I haven't told them yet.
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Claayer: I'm feeling like that for mine too at the moment.
Last year my ex told the children he was taking them to Disneyland Florida this summer.. they have been sooooooo excited.
(especially my youngest son, who feels AND hurts the most)
The kids have been getting more and more excited as the time approaches..
then a few days ago I spoke to him and he was telling me he and his GF were booking a 2wk holiday to Mauritius.. I said.. 'Oh.. that the same time you had planned to take the kids to Florida'
he said.. 'Florida?...
I said.. 'Ermm.. yeah.. you told them you were taking them to Disneyland this summer'
He said.. 'Oh.. erhhmm.. did I?.. Oh.. well I can't afford this and that.. can YOU tell them I will take them another year' I haven't told them yet.
I hope you told him to tell them himself that he would rather take his girlfriend away on holiday rather than his children. Why should you have to cover up and do his dirty work for him?? Last year my ex told the children he was taking them to Disneyland Florida this summer.. they have been sooooooo excited.
(especially my youngest son, who feels AND hurts the most)
The kids have been getting more and more excited as the time approaches..
then a few days ago I spoke to him and he was telling me he and his GF were booking a 2wk holiday to Mauritius.. I said.. 'Oh.. that the same time you had planned to take the kids to Florida'
he said.. 'Florida?...
I said.. 'Ermm.. yeah.. you told them you were taking them to Disneyland this summer'
He said.. 'Oh.. erhhmm.. did I?.. Oh.. well I can't afford this and that.. can YOU tell them I will take them another year' I haven't told them yet.
Then you should apply for more maintenance from him so you can either take them to Disneyland yourself or have enough money to be able to hire an hitman for him.
Hit him where it's most likely to hurt, his wallet or bullet through the back of his head
Don't get mad, get even
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Zellarrone1: I hope you told him to tell them himself that he would rather take his girlfriend away on holiday rather than his children. Why should you have to cover up and do his dirty work for him??
Then you should apply for more maintenance from him so you can either take them to Disneyland yourself or have enough money to be able to hire an hitman for him.
Hit him where it's most likely to hurt, his wallet or bullet through the back of his head
Don't get mad, get even
Then you should apply for more maintenance from him so you can either take them to Disneyland yourself or have enough money to be able to hire an hitman for him.
Hit him where it's most likely to hurt, his wallet or bullet through the back of his head
Don't get mad, get even
lmao! what are yooo liiike
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karen1973: I just don;t know how the hell I am going to tell them. My oldest turns 6 next week, and this is really going to upset her. Either that, or she will just be excited about having another little sister.
The sad thing is, I also feel sorry for the babys mother. He will do exactly the same to her as he does to me. She will end up a single mum, living on benefits, with no contact from him.
The sad thing is, I also feel sorry for the babys mother. He will do exactly the same to her as he does to me. She will end up a single mum, living on benefits, with no contact from him.
Maybe you could flip it around...
and Say.. 'Oo guess what.. I've got some exciting news for you.. blah blah'
Throo gritted teeth.
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Karen sorry to hear that you married such a dirt bag for a husband. There is a lot of good advice on this thread especially seeking professional help and stick him with the bill. Since he created all this mess.I know money is not always the answer but since he has not paid any child support and know brings another innocent child into this world. How dumb can some men be. It makes me sad to even be of the same gender.
If it was me i would get a good lawyer and really stick it to him. HHHMMM you 2 are still married see how well that goes over in divorce court. Belief it or not mine is pretty much the opposite no child support and she has not seen them in 11 years. I feel for you and can only wish you the best.
Best of luck to you
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Ambrose2007: Actually, it would be their *half*-sister, Karen. The guy sounds like a jerk (why haven't you made him give you child support? Doesn't England require that?), but I wouldn't necessarily preclude the kind of joy that having another sibling might bring...
Jeff
Jeff
England child support laws are different.
If a non resident parent is claming benefits then there is very little a resident parent can do, same if a non resident parent is self employed.
Child support and contact are two seperate issues, one does not mean the other and no child support certainly does not mean the non resident parent can not have contact.
Also there are cases where non resident parents have shelled out thousands only for the resident parent to refuse contact, our family system in the UK is very antiquated and needs updating badly.
This parent has two separte issues on her hands, she needs to address.
She needs to get the contact arrangements agreed and also sort out the child support.
If he is not interested in seeing his children with her, that is not to say that he does have to pay child support.
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Why do you call yourself stepmother? You feel responsible for his kid with other woman?
If he didn't help you I think nothing change for you. His new woman has rather problem because he is not responsible man as we can see.
Good luck for you and your kids.
If he didn't help you I think nothing change for you. His new woman has rather problem because he is not responsible man as we can see.
Good luck for you and your kids.
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Indyfella: Much of that will depend on how you present the situation. JMO
Absolutely, Karen. I really have to agree here. They will take their cues almost entirely from how you and your ex treat the situation, and their happiness will be effected by what they see in your response. I had to face a similar situation with my girls recently and my heart goes out to you in the biggest kind of way!
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karen1973: He has asked me not to tell the kids, and that he will do it when he is ready. He was planning on telling me when the baby was 2 years old. What a wonderful father he is.
He is already asking you to keep secrets from the kids. Your kids will be hurt, but more so if it's kept a secret. The kids might wonder what other secrets and did he ever love us.... or was everything a lie?
You'd be suprised what kids know and feel, no matter what age.
Best of luck to you and the kids. I get the impression he will do the same to the new stepchild.
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Everyone keeps mentioning child support here...what is that, lol! Mine are 12 and 16 and they have not recieved one red cent of child support...but I digress. I am very sorry to hear about the Little Sister issue and I hope you have managed to work this out since your original post...Lots of love from one single momma to another
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If you dont mind me saying so...
I think you are the best one to make that call....You are the one that obviously has the children's best interest at heart....
5 times in one year with no child support!!!!
Exactly what I was going to say, Karen.