I am a stepmother, and I only just found out. (34)
karen1973: Just got off the phone from my husband (not divorced yet, long story), and was asking me how I would feel if he had another baby sometime. Would I still let him see the 3 children we have, etc etc. Being married to him for this long, I knew where this was leading so I asked him straight out "Is your Girlfriend pregnant?". His answer has shocked me so much. He has a 7 month old daughter.
He has only seen the children he has with me 5 times in the last year, he doesnt give me any child support, and now he is going to spring a stepsister on them? He is always telling the kids (aged 5, 3 and 1) that he is coming to visit, and then just not turning up. It seems I now know why.
I am just so angry, and hurt for my children right now.
He has only seen the children he has with me 5 times in the last year, he doesnt give me any child support, and now he is going to spring a stepsister on them? He is always telling the kids (aged 5, 3 and 1) that he is coming to visit, and then just not turning up. It seems I now know why.
I am just so angry, and hurt for my children right now.
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that must of been like a bomb explosion after hearing that.
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karen1973: Just got off the phone from my husband (not divorced yet, long story), and was asking me how I would feel if he had another baby sometime. Would I still let him see the 3 children we have, etc etc. Being married to him for this long, I knew where this was leading so I asked him straight out "Is your Girlfriend pregnant?". His answer has shocked me so much. He has a 7 month old daughter.
He has only seen the children he has with me 5 times in the last year, he doesnt give me any child support, and now he is going to spring a stepsister on them? He is always telling the kids (aged 5, 3 and 1) that he is coming to visit, and then just not turning up. It seems I now know why.
I am just so angry, and hurt for my children right now.
He has only seen the children he has with me 5 times in the last year, he doesnt give me any child support, and now he is going to spring a stepsister on them? He is always telling the kids (aged 5, 3 and 1) that he is coming to visit, and then just not turning up. It seems I now know why.
I am just so angry, and hurt for my children right now.
Do you feel you should prepare them first??
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martyg: Do you feel you should prepare them first??
will be hard they are so young, but that will help them accept it, harder for thr 5yr old . So sorry Karen ------ This thread is Archived ------
martyg: Do you feel you should prepare them first??
He has asked me not to tell the kids, and that he will do it when he is ready. He was planning on telling me when the baby was 2 years old. What a wonderful father he is.
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I would not wait for him to tell them, it would be better for you to explain it to them that way you have control over what is said.
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karen1973: He has asked me not to tell the kids, and that he will do it when he is ready. He was planning on telling me when the baby was 2 years old. What a wonderful father he is.
I am so sorry Karen....
If you dont mind me saying so...
I think you are the best one to make that call....You are the one that obviously has the children's best interest at heart....
5 times in one year with no child support!!!!
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karen1973: Just got off the phone from my husband (not divorced yet, long story), and was asking me how I would feel if he had another baby sometime. Would I still let him see the 3 children we have, etc etc. Being married to him for this long, I knew where this was leading so I asked him straight out "Is your Girlfriend pregnant?". His answer has shocked me so much. He has a 7 month old daughter.
He has only seen the children he has with me 5 times in the last year, he doesnt give me any child support, and now he is going to spring a stepsister on them? He is always telling the kids (aged 5, 3 and 1) that he is coming to visit, and then just not turning up. It seems I now know why.
I am just so angry, and hurt for my children right now.
He has only seen the children he has with me 5 times in the last year, he doesnt give me any child support, and now he is going to spring a stepsister on them? He is always telling the kids (aged 5, 3 and 1) that he is coming to visit, and then just not turning up. It seems I now know why.
I am just so angry, and hurt for my children right now.
I am so sorry hun...its sad becos always the children involve is the one who gets hurt..Us as Mothers try to protect them best we can..My children father sees them maybe once in 3 to 4 years or even more..but he is soon to be 18 and i never have bad mouth is father..and has seen for his own eyes what is father is..i listen and try to make them at ease..that is the best we can do...I really dont understand or comprehend some fathers how they can do what they have done..but Me as a Mother..has and will be here for them..Good/bad...but best you can do is tell them when you feel its right..Not the Father..becos they may not believe him becos he did say he would come and visit them and then no show...All the best to you...and again i am sorry
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martyg: I am so sorry Karen....
If you dont mind me saying so...
I think you are the best one to make that call....You are the one that obviously has the children's best interest at heart....
5 times in one year with no child support!!!!
If you dont mind me saying so...
I think you are the best one to make that call....You are the one that obviously has the children's best interest at heart....
5 times in one year with no child support!!!!
I just don;t know how the hell I am going to tell them. My oldest turns 6 next week, and this is really going to upset her. Either that, or she will just be excited about having another little sister.
The sad thing is, I also feel sorry for the babys mother. He will do exactly the same to her as he does to me. She will end up a single mum, living on benefits, with no contact from him.
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I would seek professional council for a situation like that.
JM Self Absorbed O
JM Self Absorbed O
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karen1973: Just got off the phone from my husband (not divorced yet, long story), and was asking me how I would feel if he had another baby sometime. Would I still let him see the 3 children we have, etc etc. Being married to him for this long, I knew where this was leading so I asked him straight out "Is your Girlfriend pregnant?". His answer has shocked me so much. He has a 7 month old daughter.
He has only seen the children he has with me 5 times in the last year, he doesnt give me any child support, and now he is going to spring a stepsister on them? He is always telling the kids (aged 5, 3 and 1) that he is coming to visit, and then just not turning up. It seems I now know why.
I am just so angry, and hurt for my children right now.
He has only seen the children he has with me 5 times in the last year, he doesnt give me any child support, and now he is going to spring a stepsister on them? He is always telling the kids (aged 5, 3 and 1) that he is coming to visit, and then just not turning up. It seems I now know why.
I am just so angry, and hurt for my children right now.
Actually, it would be their *half*-sister, Karen. The guy sounds like a jerk (why haven't you made him give you child support? Doesn't England require that?), but I wouldn't necessarily preclude the kind of joy that having another sibling might bring...
Jeff
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karen1973: I just don;t know how the hell I am going to tell them. My oldest turns 6 next week, and this is really going to upset her. Either that, or she will just be excited about having another little sister.
The sad thing is, I also feel sorry for the babys mother. He will do exactly the same to her as he does to me. She will end up a single mum, living on benefits, with no contact from him.
The sad thing is, I also feel sorry for the babys mother. He will do exactly the same to her as he does to me. She will end up a single mum, living on benefits, with no contact from him.
Well she is not to be your worry hon...
I will be around for ya if you need or want to talk
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martyg: Well she is not to be your worry hon...
I will be around for ya if you need or want to talk
I will be around for ya if you need or want to talk
thanks Marty
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that would open my eyes as well..
I just don't know how people neglect kids, I been on my own at 13 and now I am 41 and I still don't get it
I just don't know how people neglect kids, I been on my own at 13 and now I am 41 and I still don't get it
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karen1973: I just don;t know how the hell I am going to tell them. My oldest turns 6 next week, and this is really going to upset her. Either that, or she will just be excited about having another little sister.
The sad thing is, I also feel sorry for the babys mother. He will do exactly the same to her as he does to me. She will end up a single mum, living on benefits, with no contact from him.
The sad thing is, I also feel sorry for the babys mother. He will do exactly the same to her as he does to me. She will end up a single mum, living on benefits, with no contact from him.
Much of that will depend on how you present the situation.
JMO
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A tough situation! I can relate though! In the end no one wins. You can only try to make it as easy as possible for the kids. Us grown ups made the situation so its up to us to handle it as best we can. Good luck and you have my best wishes! PS! Dads a jerk! His children should come before anything else!
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Five times in a year. Bad.Sorry to hear that. Hang in there Karen.
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To quote bama:
There are no easy answers for your situation. My only advice is not to bad mouth your ex around the kids or let them know your angry with him. Tell him not to tell the children when he’s coming. Instead he should coordinate with you so if he doesn’t show they don’t even know he had promised to.
I think that advise is right on. Protects the children and helps their emotions as well
We adults hurt the children as it is whith the seperation and divorce, no need to hiurt them more through more unfullfilled promises. Good luck Karen and tell them yourself.
There are no easy answers for your situation. My only advice is not to bad mouth your ex around the kids or let them know your angry with him. Tell him not to tell the children when he’s coming. Instead he should coordinate with you so if he doesn’t show they don’t even know he had promised to.
I think that advise is right on. Protects the children and helps their emotions as well
We adults hurt the children as it is whith the seperation and divorce, no need to hiurt them more through more unfullfilled promises. Good luck Karen and tell them yourself.
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He has only seen the children he has with me 5 times in the last year, he doesnt give me any child support, and now he is going to spring a stepsister on them? He is always telling the kids (aged 5, 3 and 1) that he is coming to visit, and then just not turning up. It seems I now know why.
I am just so angry, and hurt for my children right now.