Hi Guys i'm back, had a sheeet week! (24)
Good afternoon Phaedellis,first off,my heart feels for you!!And Yes, I have a Son and Daughter,and love both of them very dearly.So here's a big hug for you
And you have made the 'right decision',concerning your son!Until he admits he as a addiction problem,and asks for professional help,then ,be there for him,until then,sorry to say this,there is nothing you can do,and I will stress the point here.'Do not blame yourself for his addition problems' and don't let him 'Blame you,for his addition problems either'!!!!Stay strong,stay focus on the bigger picture and that's 'You'. John Dutchie 
And you have made the 'right decision',concerning your son!Until he admits he as a addiction problem,and asks for professional help,then ,be there for him,until then,sorry to say this,there is nothing you can do,and I will stress the point here.'Do not blame yourself for his addition problems' and don't let him 'Blame you,for his addition problems either'!!!!Stay strong,stay focus on the bigger picture and that's 'You'. John Dutchie virgiomonkey: Good afternoon Phaedellis,first off,my heart feels for you!!And Yes, I have a Son and Daughter,and love both of them very dearly.So here's a big hug for you And you have made the 'right decision',concerning your son!Until he admits he as a addiction problem,and asks for professional help,then ,be there for him,until then,sorry to say this,there is nothing you can do,and I will stress the point here.'Do not blame yourself for his addition problems' and don't let him 'Blame you,for his addition problems either'!!!!Stay strong,stay focus on the bigger picture and that's 'You'. John Dutchie
Hi and thank you for your support, i do love him very much, as we have really basically grown up together , his dad died 15yrs ago and since then he has so much hate and anger... and your right its toward me, it all seems to be my fault, and i do realise its the drugs, but it still hurts, i have been putting up with this for 15yrs now, and have been told by many of my friends that i have to let go as i have begged, borrowed and put myself in debt to get him out..... but not anymore, i just cant do it! and i do feel like i am bashing my head against a bloody brick wall SO NO MORE! Thank you for your kind wordsCheers Phae
phaedellis: Sorry to bail on thursday guys but my man came over and nearly caught me out....
Then i had my son call me and start harrassing me for money, he is 28yrs old, has gotten himself involved in the drug scene BIGTIME, i have in the past bailed him out so many times, and each time he promises to go on the straight and narrow, but NEVER does, and this time he is in soooo deep its breaking my heart, he does not know how to say NO, he is addicted to just about everything, and i have had to wipe my hands and we all know how difficult that is for a mother to do, i met up with him on friday, he has lost so much weight he looks like a walking skeleton, his eyes are constantly blood shot and he has these massive balck circles around them, its really killing me, but he still does not believe he does'nt have a problem???? I left it at " when you're ready for my help, and can admit to yourself you have a problem and need REHAB, i'll be here, but i can't do anymore.
Have i done the right thing? help as its truly killing me and have spent the past 4days so upset that i cant think straight.....
Then i had my son call me and start harrassing me for money, he is 28yrs old, has gotten himself involved in the drug scene BIGTIME, i have in the past bailed him out so many times, and each time he promises to go on the straight and narrow, but NEVER does, and this time he is in soooo deep its breaking my heart, he does not know how to say NO, he is addicted to just about everything, and i have had to wipe my hands and we all know how difficult that is for a mother to do, i met up with him on friday, he has lost so much weight he looks like a walking skeleton, his eyes are constantly blood shot and he has these massive balck circles around them, its really killing me, but he still does not believe he does'nt have a problem???? I left it at " when you're ready for my help, and can admit to yourself you have a problem and need REHAB, i'll be here, but i can't do anymore.
Have i done the right thing? help as its truly killing me and have spent the past 4days so upset that i cant think straight.....
phae you are doing the right thing love.He is an adult and has to take responsibility for his own behaviour and choices. Yes he needs help and losing his dad at such a young age when boys need their dads around would have been heartbreaking for him and you. ALl you can do is what you are doing.. telling him you love him and will be there for him when he is ready to help himself.
I know how hard it would be for you.. I would be just like you are now if my boys were in trouble like that. As a mother you feel responsible and that you should be doing more.. but you can't. The ball really is in his court at the moment.
But hang in there beautiful.. and think positive thoughts..it will all be ok in the end
Heyy , Tough very babe, I concur your doin the right thing .I am not going to say I know how you feel because ive not walked in yr shoes .Ive a brother & a sister who are both drug addicts I dont see them because it hurts so bad , I too went thru the hey ill help you beat your drug problem do rehab etc they said we dont have a drug problem we like drugs
Sooo not much for it .We all steer our own boat in this life somtimes youve gotta just let go
Thoughts & prayers with ya Phae
Kizzy
Sooo not much for it .We all steer our own boat in this life somtimes youve gotta just let go
Thoughts & prayers with ya Phae
Kizzy
blondeaozichick: phae you are doing the right thing love.
He is an adult and has to take responsibility for his own behaviour and choices. Yes he needs help and losing his dad at such a young age when boys need their dads around would have been heartbreaking for him and you. ALl you can do is what you are doing.. telling him you love him and will be there for him when he is ready to help himself.
I know how hard it would be for you.. I would be just like you are now if my boys were in trouble like that. As a mother you feel responsible and that you should be doing more.. but you can't. The ball really is in his court at the moment.
But hang in there beautiful.. and think positive thoughts..it will all be ok in the end
Hi babe, thank you my whole past week has been a write off, i am dying inside, how can one person produce 2 children, and 1 turns out as weak as? my daughter is so strong, caring and loving, i just dont get it Blonde???? He truly is a good guy, but is so so lost, and for the past 15yrs i have been going thru hell with him to the point i even put my whole friggin life on hold to help him, and all the false promises.... and i believed him many times but i know now i can't do anymore, WHY DO THEY DO THAT TO THEMSELVES?He was a good looking guy, and now i dont even recognize my own son, and that is hell on earthHe is an adult and has to take responsibility for his own behaviour and choices. Yes he needs help and losing his dad at such a young age when boys need their dads around would have been heartbreaking for him and you. ALl you can do is what you are doing.. telling him you love him and will be there for him when he is ready to help himself.
I know how hard it would be for you.. I would be just like you are now if my boys were in trouble like that. As a mother you feel responsible and that you should be doing more.. but you can't. The ball really is in his court at the moment.
But hang in there beautiful.. and think positive thoughts..it will all be ok in the end
phaedellis: Hi babe, thank you my whole past week has been a write off, i am dying inside, how can one person produce 2 children, and 1 turns out as weak as? my daughter is so strong, caring and loving, i just dont get it Blonde???? He truly is a good guy, but is so so lost, and for the past 15yrs i have been going thru hell with him to the point i even put my whole friggin life on hold to help him, and all the false promises.... and i believed him many times but i know now i can't do anymore, WHY DO THEY DO THAT TO THEMSELVES?He was a good looking guy, and now i dont even recognize my own son, and that is hell on earth
I farkin hate drugs
kizzy27: Heyy , Tough very babe, I concur your doin the right thing .I am not going to say I know how you feel because ive not walked in yr shoes .Ive a brother & a sister who are both drug addicts I dont see them because it hurts so bad , I too went thru the hey ill help you beat your drug problem do rehab etc they said we dont have a drug problem we like drugs
Sooo not much for it .We all steer our own boat in this life somtimes youve gotta just let go
Thoughts & prayers with ya Phae
Kizzy
Thanks Kiz, i really needed you guys at the moment, my heart has been ripped out and i am even thinking of putting Mr R on hold for a bit so i can reassess my situation, just need some mee time, as friggin hell we bring them up with so much love and they go and destroy their lives.Sooo not much for it .We all steer our own boat in this life somtimes youve gotta just let go
Thoughts & prayers with ya Phae
Kizzy
I hate being a pain but knew i could count on all of you for your positive input
Thank you Thank you
Hey phae
phaedellis: Sorry to bail on thursday guys but my man came over and nearly caught me out....
Then i had my son call me and start harrassing me for money, he is 28yrs old, has gotten himself involved in the drug scene BIGTIME, i have in the past bailed him out so many times, and each time he promises to go on the straight and narrow, but NEVER does, and this time he is in soooo deep its breaking my heart, he does not know how to say NO, he is addicted to just about everything, and i have had to wipe my hands and we all know how difficult that is for a mother to do, i met up with him on friday, he has lost so much weight he looks like a walking skeleton, his eyes are constantly blood shot and he has these massive balck circles around them, its really killing me, but he still does not believe he does'nt have a problem???? I left it at " when you're ready for my help, and can admit to yourself you have a problem and need REHAB, i'll be here, but i can't do anymore.
Have i done the right thing? help as its truly killing me and have spent the past 4days so upset that i cant think straight.....
Then i had my son call me and start harrassing me for money, he is 28yrs old, has gotten himself involved in the drug scene BIGTIME, i have in the past bailed him out so many times, and each time he promises to go on the straight and narrow, but NEVER does, and this time he is in soooo deep its breaking my heart, he does not know how to say NO, he is addicted to just about everything, and i have had to wipe my hands and we all know how difficult that is for a mother to do, i met up with him on friday, he has lost so much weight he looks like a walking skeleton, his eyes are constantly blood shot and he has these massive balck circles around them, its really killing me, but he still does not believe he does'nt have a problem???? I left it at " when you're ready for my help, and can admit to yourself you have a problem and need REHAB, i'll be here, but i can't do anymore.
Have i done the right thing? help as its truly killing me and have spent the past 4days so upset that i cant think straight.....
Can relate entirely Phae, The reason I have little Emmy fulltime is because her mum is lost in the drug and crime world. I reached a point last year where I was nearly ready to spend some time in the veterans psych ward. I got out of town for a couple of weeks on the bike and that cleared my head some. After that, I managed to talk her into rehab and she left the kids (3) with me. I was able to do it for a while then had to call help to the ex. She now has the older two and I have the youngest. I have had to reach a point where my concern is for the kids. I still love Angela and consider her my daughter (Actually stepdaughter), but the concern must be for the kids who are too young to make their own decisions. If you need to talk at all, send and email and you are welcome to my phone number. BTW am a retired social worker and counsellor (Uni Qualified and experienced)
bubblesron: Can relate entirely Phae, The reason I have little Emmy fulltime is because her mum is lost in the drug and crime world. I reached a point last year where I was nearly ready to spend some time in the veterans psych ward. I got out of town for a couple of weeks on the bike and that cleared my head some. After that, I managed to talk her into rehab and she left the kids (3) with me. I was able to do it for a while then had to call help to the ex. She now has the older two and I have the youngest. I have had to reach a point where my concern is for the kids. I still love Angela and consider her my daughter (Actually stepdaughter), but the concern must be for the kids who are too young to make their own decisions. If you need to talk at all, send and email and you are welcome to my phone number. BTW am a retired social worker and counsellor (Uni Qualified and experienced)
Oh Bubbles god bless you babe, and thank you so so much, it has been hell and nice to know i have you guys i can definitely rely on no matter what! i may just have to take you up on that offer one day Bubbles as i don't believe ive heard the last of it yet, actually one of the guys on here emailed me and said that due to all he is doing he may have Bi Polar? and i believe he is right, as one minute he is happy, the next he is crying and then he is as angry as, and punching holes in walls, Bloody hell FRIGGIN DRUGS! i believe he is def Bi Polar, but once again Bubbles i cant do anything for him untill he admits he has a problem, Thank you Thank You Thank You so so much for all your kind helpCeres: OMG Phaedellis - I cannot possibly say anything but, be strong, han gin there. And, maybe, give him only hugs, not money!
Thanks Ceres, its bin a hard road with him but one that has been going on way too long, i have had some amazing input and help since posting this, and i appreciate all the help i can get, as i just dont know where i went wrong with him? i have a daughter as well, who turns 20this year, and she is the complete opposite to him, strong, loving, a good soul, loves having a drink, and has been honest with me about what else she has done, as i am the type of person that has never judged my children and have wanted them to be honest with me all the way, but he has lost the plot bigtime, and wat truly worries me, is that ill get a knock on the door one day and i know that will kill me, he hates me, the world and everything in it, and one very wise man actually made some sense to me on this thread, he mentioned that he naybe Bi Polar? and i do believe he is and its all due to the Damn drugs!!!!All i can do is hope and pray that he will wake up and come to his sensis one day.Thank you
for you Phae
phaedellis: Thanks Red good to have you back girl
phaedellis: Sorry to bail on thursday guys but my man came over and nearly caught me out....
Hi Phae
It's tough when family have probs. Fortunately my girls seem to be going pretty straight and level but one of my brothers had a similar issue with grog and it wasn't until they admit to a problem that you can help with a problem.
A word of hope.
A friend of mine had a similar situation with her son who was an absolute crack head as well as heroin and ice for about 10 years. I won't go into some of the stuff he put her through as I am sure you are familiar with them more intimately than I. He recently married and has been clean now for several years but she had to wash her hands after she had him arrested for breaking into her house and pinching most of her stuff and flogging it for dope money.
She was there for him when it was needed but not until the time was genuine.
I would suggest you consider some support for yourself. I think Alanon works with family of addicts of drugs as well as grog, if not I'm sure they could put you onto who does.
As for Mr R. If he will be a friend through something like this then he truly may be Mr Right. If not, who really needs a fair weather friend?
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Then i had my son call me and start harrassing me for money, he is 28yrs old, has gotten himself involved in the drug scene BIGTIME, i have in the past bailed him out so many times, and each time he promises to go on the straight and narrow, but NEVER does, and this time he is in soooo deep its breaking my heart, he does not know how to say NO, he is addicted to just about everything, and i have had to wipe my hands and we all know how difficult that is for a mother to do, i met up with him on friday, he has lost so much weight he looks like a walking skeleton, his eyes are constantly blood shot and he has these massive balck circles around them, its really killing me, but he still does not believe he does'nt have a problem???? I left it at " when you're ready for my help, and can admit to yourself you have a problem and need REHAB, i'll be here, but i can't do anymore.
Have i done the right thing? help as its truly killing me and have spent the past 4days so upset that i cant think straight.....