Self-fulfilling Prophecies ( Archived) (16)

In our fear, we often create the very situation that we fear.

To fear a particular reaction from someone often leads us to commit the very act that would cause this reaction.

So my question is, when this happens, do we react as people expect us to, not react at all, or seek a third option?

My advice is to seek a third option, and to react from understanding and love rather than ignorance and fear. Therein lies the solution to the evolutions of our character.

Hope you all are doing well, and may love break through your walls of fear and shame, and take you on a magic carpet ride.

Yep, if you don't take the risk, life will pass you by until you look back and realise its too late now

rejection, lost love, breakups all cause hurt and pain, but in my opinion, its worth all those to find that one special person, that star that will shine a light within your heart for ever.

I think it's really easy to let ourselves get into this mode if we don't give ourselves enough time to heal before we move on...and yes I agree with the third option...if you do things different...things shall be different...do them the same...by having the same reaction...and you will get what you fear

hey man, can you put it simple terms I can understand what you are reacting to? Another words, can you be specific??

I guess one major thing that bothers me is shortly after Nick and I parted, friends would tell me, Linda you are just part of the norm, you will get past this and move on to someone else. I must be from old school, I don't want to be part of the norm. Two marriages one lasted 36 years, he passed, the other 2 years. That means 2 men. Marriage or commitment are very serous to me.

I my view there is no norm, no set formula to making or breaking a relationship, Marriage and commitment are also very very important to me, I have had 3 "Real" relationships in my life, was married in 2 of them and I can tell you that when my last marriage crumbled away it hurt me more than anything that has ever happened to me before, I was totally destroyed mentally, devastated that this one person to whom I had devoted my whole being, could just walk way with even a glance over her shoulder.
But I have come to terms with my feelings, my life now is in perspective again and I know where I am going with it.
I know that somewhere, out there in this amazing world we call our home, there is that person who will return all that love and emotion, who will stand beside me, hand in hand and together we will enter the wonderful relationship that is total commitment to each other.

Its not my emotional self.. appealing to my wants.., Its my belief, my faith and its what I live for.

Sorry Hank. I cannot put it more specifically out of continued respect for the offender in question. Suffice it to say that their fear of consequence created a situation much worse than early honesty might have done in terms of my reaction.

However, my reaction was not to rage or to retreat but to attempt to find some middle-ground to build a real foundation, and leave the dancing on quicksand behind us.

I think we both learned something real about each other in this process, and are further enriched by our love, and by confronting our fear.

We shall see...

Not a risk taker, here. I am very comfortable behind the walls I have built. It took many years to build them, and I am not about to destroy, such a fine architecture!

Kevint, Sorry to hear of your pain, but that you were able to get through it and go on is a blessing, also that you have a strong belief in lasting relationships.
I think because this has only been like 8 or 9 weeks for me I tend to try to figure out what the problem was so if I get this chance at love again I will not make the same mistake. This doesn't happen often, just some days such as this I miss having someone to love. Thank you so much for your honesty.