Abandonment... ( Archived) (49)

Tonight I cried

Rest assured that it is only when you can no longer cry that defeat is absolute. In our tears we can clearly see our life and that alone is worth the loss of salt.

What wonderful friends you have, Sommer. I have also had a friend go to extremes to pull me out of a deep depression accompanied by self destruction. She lied to my parents so that they would make a visit out of the blue. God bless her for that.

You are an astounding man Mark, Your ability with words is truly inspiring, with such a start in life I doubt if I could string a sentence together let alone write as you do, from such a tiny acorn a tree of real magnitude has grown. I shake your hand.

First-screem, Then you sit still
and be silent--here comes the thought prosses, before you know it -- things start kinda coming together.
You are still alive--the sun came up and when you look in the mirror that's the lady you love more than anything, anyone and reason start happening--yes I deserve better. I may be abandoned but here I stand happy I am who I am. and that comes from beep within -- That is the magic God has put within all of us.
So you start different people and what do you know your taking part in the world again.

That's how I delt with my abandon feeling situtation - what ever you want to call it BEING LEFT ALONE. After all those years, It was the greatest of all.

Life is oft times the harshest Lover but I do Love her in all her glory. The Spirit is indomitable as long as we allow it to continue to reside within our hearts. If I allowed what has been ripped from me to define the life before me then I have at best failed myself and at worst failed everyone I Love.
I hold my children in my heart where they are safe from all that the world can throw at them, I pray to have some simple opportunity to do more but never will anything but the cold clammy hands of death remove that last vestige of Hope for their lives. Their presence in such a miniscule organ is evidenced by the tears I shed daily for their loss, not only to myself but their own loss grievously and selfishly placed in their lives by miserable humans shorn of all that Love offers. The more I keep my children in my heart the more tears are displaced, and it is in this eternal flow that I can see the memories and dreams we once shared together that now can only be together in the whirlpools and eddys of time and Hope.
Not one day passes that I do not pray that their mothers find themselves if only for the sanctity of our children's lives. It is never too late and I have already initiated this effort by forgiving both myself and them for whatever it was that led us down this dreary path.

This thread was not concocted to allow myself to air only my own insecurities. I have had a lifetime and a very serious approach to disabling my own ambiguities. I am seeking first and foremost a means to transcend the insecurities of others so that they may find all that lies outside their burnished towers and find reason to tread forth from their own labrynthian prisons.
I have seen the ideals and examples of abandonment yet I have only read a few (very profound and healthy) means of overcoming this debilitation. Please offer more along the path to healing as there can never be enough of that and I do know that there lies more wisdom herein than I have seen in this thread. Please.