Making others "happy"... (30)
hrt4lse: I wonder about that too jb because I'm pretty independent and I guess it shows...although the one time I asked a guy to come over and help me with something he never did. I'm so confused
I just moved to an apartment that I´m taking care of for a friend and needed to move clothes and a few other bits and pieces and had I a car... never would have thought to ask someone for help. But I don´t have a car so I thought "who would it be the least inconvenient for to ask for help?"
Well there´s a young aussie guy who is doing some construction work for a friend of mine, lives a block away and the flat I´m taking care of is on his way to work... so I rang him and asked if he would mind picking me and a few things up and dropping me on his way to work the next morning. What a love... he said he would come over that night after work and move me since he didn´t want me to have to get up so early in the morning.
Well he was shocked at how little I was moving...he thought he was moving an entire apartment (gotta love him for that)
He wound up staying for a couple of glasses of wine and is coming over for dinner this week... shame he´s so young...
My point being... that rather then acting put out over helping me... he seemed quite happy that I had asked him.
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StressFree: I like to give yummy...the beautiful natural scent of a woman...I'll invest 30 minutes of foreplay....me pleasing you...I'll get the oil out...we can start with a massage....lay on the bed woman...
Damn... burnin´up here... guess there are still some things we can´t do for ourselves....
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jbibiza: Believe me... I´m not pointing fingers as I am probably one of the worst offenders of what I stated in my last post. I have reached a point in my life that with friends and a lifestyle that I really enjoy, with being quite content to spend time on my own, I have reached a point that I don´t need anyone to complete my life... I´m quite self sufficient and generally quite happy.
My thoughts have been, I don´t need you but I want you, and isn´t it better to be wanted then needed?
To be quite honest though, when I look around it´s the women who need someone who seem to attract men. I think most men feel more secure in a relationship when they are needed. I think that to be able to have a relationship again I will have to allow a certain vulnerability and need to show... not something that comes easily to me.
I would also like you guys to comment on this.... is a woman wanting you enough... or do you need to feel needed?
My thoughts have been, I don´t need you but I want you, and isn´t it better to be wanted then needed?
To be quite honest though, when I look around it´s the women who need someone who seem to attract men. I think most men feel more secure in a relationship when they are needed. I think that to be able to have a relationship again I will have to allow a certain vulnerability and need to show... not something that comes easily to me.
I would also like you guys to comment on this.... is a woman wanting you enough... or do you need to feel needed?
Believe me, I didn't think you were pointing fingers...but you sure do make me think. You have a wonderful way with words, and are so good at expressing yourself, and it makes me think again (or more) after I post. And it's not easy for me to let my vulnerability show either, even on here where I've shared so much. I did that easily with my late husband, and when I find the man that earns that kind of trust from me again, I know I'll have the right one. I love and trust easily despite everything I've been through...and yet, there's that extra level of it that takes time for me to give. Believe it or not, there's a very shy, scared, and vulnerable woman inside of me. Very few people ever get to see her.
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druidess6308: Believe me, I didn't think you were pointing fingers...but you sure do make me think. You have a wonderful way with words, and are so good at expressing yourself, and it makes me think again (or more) after I post. And it's not easy for me to let my vulnerability show either, even on here where I've shared so much. I did that easily with my late husband, and when I find the man that earns that kind of trust from me again, I know I'll have the right one. I love and trust easily despite everything I've been through...and yet, there's that extra level of it that takes time for me to give. Believe it or not, there's a very shy, scared, and vulnerable woman inside of me. Very few people ever get to see her.
I've gotten to the point where I try to bottle that up because when I showed vulnerability to my ex he'd swoop in like a vulture
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hrt4lse: I've gotten to the point where I try to bottle that up because when I showed vulnerability to my ex he'd swoop in like a vulture If I'm ever lucky enough to find the right guy he's going to have prove he's not the same way.
Why not turn it around and not make him prove a thing unless he proves otherwise??
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You need to be happy with who you are 1st then you can look for someone to be in your life, And by being together that should make each happy.
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jbibiza: Believe me... I´m not pointing fingers as I am probably one of the worst offenders of what I stated in my last post. I have reached a point in my life that with friends and a lifestyle that I really enjoy, with being quite content to spend time on my own, I have reached a point that I don´t need anyone to complete my life... I´m quite self sufficient and generally quite happy.
My thoughts have been, I don´t need you but I want you, and isn´t it better to be wanted then needed?
To be quite honest though, when I look around it´s the women who need someone who seem to attract men. I think most men feel more secure in a relationship when they are needed. I think that to be able to have a relationship again I will have to allow a certain vulnerability and need to show... not something that comes easily to me.
I would also like you guys to comment on this.... is a woman wanting you enough... or do you need to feel needed?
My thoughts have been, I don´t need you but I want you, and isn´t it better to be wanted then needed?
To be quite honest though, when I look around it´s the women who need someone who seem to attract men. I think most men feel more secure in a relationship when they are needed. I think that to be able to have a relationship again I will have to allow a certain vulnerability and need to show... not something that comes easily to me.
I would also like you guys to comment on this.... is a woman wanting you enough... or do you need to feel needed?
Personally, I do not want a woman that "needs" me. I would want a woman that "wants" me. That is not always an easy thing to do, being human and all..
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HJFinAZ: Why not turn it around and not make him prove a thing unless he proves otherwise??
Well I do really. Each guy I've gone on a date with starts with a clean slate & really my only expectation of him is to be decent & honest. But sometimes even that is too much to expect.
And don't turn it around on me & say I should go out with no expectations either
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HJFinAZ: When I was younger, I was a people pleaser. It made me happy to make others happy, and I strived to do that. I remember being told it was impossible to make everyone happy. I always thought they just didn't want to try hard enough. I had determination, and I was going to make everyone in my life happy.
When I was in a relationship with an (fill in the blank), I first thought it didn't take much to make her/him happy. (Fill in the blank) made her/him happy. So I was always first in line to purchase/do (fill in the blank) so he/she would be happy. I finally realized two things. First, it was not a good idea to have my happiness dependent on their (fill in the blank) intake. Second, that I could buy them all the (fill in the blank) that I could afford and they still wouldn't be happy and neither would I..
I realized I couldn't make another person happy. I ended up trying so hard I would lose myself and my own happiness in the process. I have realized I can only change myself and learn how to be happy....
When I was in a relationship with an (fill in the blank), I first thought it didn't take much to make her/him happy. (Fill in the blank) made her/him happy. So I was always first in line to purchase/do (fill in the blank) so he/she would be happy. I finally realized two things. First, it was not a good idea to have my happiness dependent on their (fill in the blank) intake. Second, that I could buy them all the (fill in the blank) that I could afford and they still wouldn't be happy and neither would I..
I realized I couldn't make another person happy. I ended up trying so hard I would lose myself and my own happiness in the process. I have realized I can only change myself and learn how to be happy....
Sooooooooo true...the only ones we can make happy are ourselves....our actions can be good...and loving and kind...yet unless the person themselves is already happy on the inside...our actions have very little impact except temporarily making them happy for a fleeting moment....It took me a long time also to learn this also and to see exactly why it is that some people take others for granted and others feed off those actions giving nothing in return and that's because they need those actions to feel good about themselves that come from the outside because they are lacking it on the inside......and because they aren't happy in the true sense...have the inability to give anything back or very little....
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