Black thoughts, black testimonies and blacker memories
Haunted me through my days and nights of yesteryears
My life told in deep, dark, gloomy summaries
A smile I used to hide these big, black tears
No love, no loving, no true lover did I take
Or give for that matter cause I knew not how
I was dead, wanted to be dead so myself I forsake
But I pulled myself out of that dark age somehow

Not before I tried to ensure I was physically dead
Not once, not twice but three lonely anger filled times
And myself impose hatred with black memories I fed
I punished me though I knew I had committed no crimes
I did not want me, so I thought no one else did
No self worth, no self respect, no inner love
I lived in a body I wanted to destroy every day
So often I wondered what happen to the God above
Was he asleep every time I stopped to pray

But I crawled out of that dark tunnel on my own
Scarred thoughts, heart and even more scarred soul
I never knew I had such strength in me deep down
Though my memories have dark moments these I now control
Because I vowed to me one dark, lonely, rainy night
That I would protect the one thing of which I am always sure
And if it takes the rest of my life for me I will fight
From within my soul my own depression I learn to cure

I will not go back that was my promise to me
That night thirty six sleeping tablets refused to kill
A foolish girl who vowed of this world she will be free
She had lost her heart, her soul and her very will
God did not listen when I prayed, or so I thought
He protected his gift to me that self imposed final night
It was precious to him, hence with me he fought
Never again will I go back, now I know my future is bright