Being Alive Will Always Have A Price

by CRIPPLED_LOVERportland, Oregon, USA

Oct 2014 423 Views 6 comments

Being Alive Will Always Have A Price

f*ck I wish I would just f*cking die I can't do shit so instead I just cry. I'm nothing but a mother f*cking burden I wish my family could forget about me like when you drink a whole bottle of bourbon. My heart is hurting and bleeding wishing someone would shoot me and just leave me there leaking. I feel like the only reason im still alive is because i'm physically incapable of slitting my own throat with a knife. I don't have a girl to call my wife so why should I continue to live my f*cked up life. My brother knows who I really am that's probably why he's mad but I don't really give a damn. Live or die I ask myself every f*cking day but I guess when your alive that's just the price you f*cking pay.

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Posted: Oct 2014

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Comments (6)

gnj4uBoston, Massachusetts USAOct 24, 2014

Hi, CRIPPLED_LOVER,
There is so much anguish expressed in this write. Although Being Alive Will Always Have A Price, the alternative may well be a higher price to pay. Hopefully, giving voice to pain will help those affected by it. Thanks for sharing.

CRIPPLED_LOVEROPportland, Oregon USAOct 28, 2014

THANKZ FOR YOUR ZUPPORT

SCatlynBrecon, South Glamorgan, Wales UKOct 28, 2014

It hurts reading your poem, b/c of the knowledge of you feeling such pain. I've seen quite a few guys your age going through awful things-not exact circumstances...but some truly horrific things nevertheless(I have a son just past that age...and of course, it can be guys, girls of any age...just my experience is seeing mostly young men going through things).
I hope life will become easier for you. I can remember a time in my life when I felt something very similar to your words of why I still had to be alive... my thoughts were that
"a person's body seems to be able to take an awful lot... and that it was likely I'd lose my mind - go insane...before my body quit on me."

I don't know what it's like to be in your same situation... but I do feel it would be a far greater burden if you were to die...to more people than you realize... even moreso, knowing you went with such unhappiness inside.
Please hang in there... you pretty much have to take one day at a time. And keep writing... you have a talent there... maybe that talent will help you keep going... and life... it will get better... I don't know when... I truly believe it will, though...
Sincerely,
SCatlyn

CRIPPLED_LOVEROPportland, Oregon USAOct 28, 2014

Thank you zo much I try to zhow what I feel inzide without phyzically harming me or zomeone elze and again thankz for your zupport it really meanz alot