Forsaken

Dim light grows as dawn breaks
sunlight touches the fogged panes
peering out the bathroom window
a beautiful day
doesn’t really feel that way

gazing into the mirror
hollow cheeks and sleepless eyes
shaving cream and razor
queasy stomach wrought with knots

another reflection of a younger self
worried head down
shaving cream and toy razor
little lips tremble

a slow gaze upward
long lashes meet brows
care-worn eyes well

an agonized voice fills the room
“why do people get a divorce dad?”
vision more blurred with each moment
the sudden taste of salt

impossible to speak
teeth and fists clenched
strength diminishing

eyes follow mine
rugs to comfort our feet now gone
no smell of lavender soap or the dish that it rested on

unspoken thoughts are shared
how to answer- how to answer
patient eyes wait
minds now racing
say something!

Affectionate arms wrap warm around my waist
a soft loving cheek on my belly
“is this forever dad?”

throat tight with anxiety
the rush of cold sweat
no spit to swallow

voices quiver
emotions escape with each breath
“not really sure son”

shaving cream faces painted by sorrow’s brush
droplets of white fall from our chin

an anguished smile
false confidence

soft innocent cheeks warm my palms
as I kiss the tears from his eyes

“In our hearts we will always be together son
even when we can’t”

“Why daddy- why?”



Carlos Kinosian