To be or not to be?
I cannot think, I shall not think
for when I think, I think
I have thought wrong.

Like the braggart amongst his friends
I am egged on
to make my next step
to play the game

But they are not here
to feel this immense fear
I have mis-stepped before
felt the bitter mockery of the cold floor

to them I am but a carny
a source for their amusement
it is not a game to me
but truly life or death

The cold winds of pressure
chill my bones to the core
As I sway helplessly in the breeze
the feeling gives out in my knees

I look back at the platform
although there is no one there
to care
to catch me if I fall
I have abused that privilege
they just want this over with

Anxieties, doubts, social restraints
and a figure appears at the end
ghastly and dark, demonic and malevolent
he shakes the ground beneath

Lightning crashes and thunder roars
I cannot stand still anymore
I must make a choice, must walk the line
or surely I will die trying.

So here goes nothing
I lift my leg slowly
as if hoping I don't have to move alone
but suddenly without my knowing
I am.

Gone are the rowdy peanut gallery
gone is the thunder and rain
tis only I against myself
one chance to win it all

GOD ORDER MY STEPS
I cry aloud
He responds not directly
but with opportunity

I see two rocks on which to leap
both are the same
except one is safe
the other will lead to my downfall

No words of advice
no safety net
I give my all to God
In nomine Patris et filii et spiritui sancti
To You, I commend my soul.

Which way to go
I do not know
but already I am airborne
no pros no cons no surveys at all
Time to see how well I chose.


Although I stand here and now
I doubt what I have done
for the game of Life, although I play
is obviously no longer fun.

The weight of all my guilt
remorse and my earlier sins
bear down on me and the rock
I slowly begin to slip.

Memories of thing I have done
and what I have gravely failed to do
unleash their vengeance upon me
I feel nothing but pure agony

tears stream from my eyes
as before them, my life flashes by
a grandfather I failed to love
lies I've told and sins I've done
all the great evils of my life
threaten to tear me off my side

I cannot believe how selfish I was
how utterly appalling I had become
I failed to live a life for the Son
that matters not, for soon I shall be undone.

What good has come from my existence
anything now to relieve this circumstance
I search in vain
and find not one of any consequence
not a deed of any permanence