"I don't want to play anymore."

It's how I feel sometime. Like now.

Looking up at God and saying, "I don't want to play anymore."

"It isn't them Father it's me. I don't mind helping, you know I like it. You give me what I need for them. Words I don't have myself, but somehow they come to me. I'm thankful and honored. I don't mind at all. It isn't their lives but mine. Why do I have the words for others. Why can I sense and feel from thousands of miles away. Why can I call on power not my own and see things happen.Why! I don't mind. It isn't them, it's me. Why can't I solve my problems? Why can't I find the way? Why can I hear for them but not for me? Why can I take their pain and can't loose mine? Why does my heart break for them and you hear me cry out for them and you help? But why when I cry and the tears will not cease, my heart breaks? and breaks, and breaks and breaks. Until I am numb. Then you put another in my path and I feel joy. I can help, I know I can. I can assist. You give me the words. You give me the power. Then I return to myself. It's the same. I've gone full circle again. In the same place again. I am older. That is the change. I don't mind helping them. You know it's my joy. But sometimes, just sometimes. Not because of them, but because of me. It's how I feel because of me. Sorry Father, but sometimes, I don't want to play anymore."