Are you generally able to forgive and forget? (72)
venusenvyCalgary, Alberta Canada27 Threads 20,003 PostsForgive, of course, but forgetting dooms you to repeat lifes lessons 
maryrachelle: It depends on what each persons idea of forgivness is. In my idea it means putting that person out of your mind and not allowing them to take up even one second of your thoughts.
What you describe Mary, I would call putting "it" in a box and closing the lid. My experience of doing this is that one day (could be as long as 30 years later) a new event can "burst" that lid open and what lays under that lid ain´t pretty because it had sooooooooooooo long to propagate totally "unchecked".
For me forgiveness, is looking at the event from all angles, accepting my own responsibilty even if it´s minimal, finding that place in my heart where the love is... Acknowledging that I didn´t deserve what happened to me, therefore it´s not about me but about the deep suffering and anguish in the other person´s mind. Forgiving myself for my part in it (if there is one), and the other person for their part.
If I work out I did deserve what happened to me, I forgive myself for my part and thank the other doing whatever they did that brought it all out in the open for me to be able to work on healing, improving who I am and making better choices.
Just sharing Mary, not invalidating how you do it.
EagleWoman: What you describe Mary, I would call putting "it" in a box and closing the lid. My experience of doing this is that one day (could be as long as 30 years later) a new event can "burst" that lid open and what lays under that lid ain´t pretty because it had sooooooooooooo long to propagate totally "unchecked".
For me forgiveness, is looking at the event from all angles, accepting my own responsibilty even if it´s minimal, finding that place in my heart where the love is... Acknowledging that I didn´t deserve what happened to me, therefore it´s not about me but about the deep suffering and anguish in the other person´s mind. Forgiving myself for my part in it (if there is one), and the other person for their part.
If I work out I did deserve what happened to me, I forgive myself for my part and thank the other doing whatever they did that brought it all out in the open for me to be able to work on healing, improving who I am and making better choices.
Just sharing Mary, not invalidating how you do it.
For me forgiveness, is looking at the event from all angles, accepting my own responsibilty even if it´s minimal, finding that place in my heart where the love is... Acknowledging that I didn´t deserve what happened to me, therefore it´s not about me but about the deep suffering and anguish in the other person´s mind. Forgiving myself for my part in it (if there is one), and the other person for their part.
If I work out I did deserve what happened to me, I forgive myself for my part and thank the other doing whatever they did that brought it all out in the open for me to be able to work on healing, improving who I am and making better choices.
Just sharing Mary, not invalidating how you do it.
I've never found that to be the case for me. Once I have cut someone loose from my life they just don't matter anymore. I don't feel anything for them one way or the other. Anyway there are only very few people in my life who I care deeply enough to be hurt by them so I haven't experiences that kind of hurt. It takes a lot for me to allow someone into my heart.
Boban1: No one asked for my forgiveness yet...guess Im not a very important person
SAME EXPERIENCE LIKE ME!
Just sharing my little experience here… once some one (say A) advised me to forgive and forget a particular person’s (say B) fault when I was already suffering by the harm caused by B. Then I lit a lighter and took the fire close to the dress of A and told him, let I burn you and after that when you will be mostly burn then if I ask you to forgive and forget me … will you be able to do it? He replied nothing being terribly angry on me!
Thanks to every one who participated at my poll and advance thanks to them who will come later! Hope you all enjoyed/will enjoy this topic of discussion. Thanks again.
Thanks to every one who participated at my poll and advance thanks to them who will come later! Hope you all enjoyed/will enjoy this topic of discussion. Thanks again.
Yes, after time.. no probs! life's short
Nessa7: I forgive easily .... ...... And try my best too forget as well ..... But also try to remember the lesson I have learnt ....
I think if we don't forgive and forget .....
We will never be able to move on in a healthy manner .....Plus who wants to spend time holding grudges ...... Not me
I think if we don't forgive and forget .....
We will never be able to move on in a healthy manner .....Plus who wants to spend time holding grudges ...... Not me
Well said Nessa. Same here. cheers
maryrachelle: I've never found that to be the case for me. Once I have cut someone loose from my life they just don't matter anymore. I don't feel anything for them one way or the other. Anyway there are only very few people in my life who I care deeply enough to be hurt by them so I haven't experiences that kind of hurt. It takes a lot for me to allow someone into my heart.
Thanks for replying Mary. The highlighted bit could be where our experiences have been different.
for me..i can normally forgive and forget,however if that person makes it clear to me that they can't let it go...then f--- them! they don't deserve my time
being nice can only go so far,before you become a doormat.
being nice can only go so far,before you become a doormat.
trueheart1941: If it were a minor thing.....yes......but betray my trust.....they are history........simple as that...............
exactly
Nessa7: I don't think one needs to hear the words sorry from other in order to forgive .....Forgiveness comes from within ....
People do and say things out of stupidity, anger, ignorance or the mear fact of being a new soul.
We need to be the bigger person ...
Not forgiving someone means we hold a grudge/anger within us ... Its not worth it most of the time ... As that other person could be pretty happy with their lives ....
So releasing that burden helps a lot ... And makes one feel lighter ... You can fill that space with happy stuff like love ......
People do and say things out of stupidity, anger, ignorance or the mear fact of being a new soul.
We need to be the bigger person ...
Not forgiving someone means we hold a grudge/anger within us ... Its not worth it most of the time ... As that other person could be pretty happy with their lives ....
So releasing that burden helps a lot ... And makes one feel lighter ... You can fill that space with happy stuff like love ......
Well said - - - - To reflect on your previous post . . . Why hold a grudge, and let it rule your life . . . . You can forgive . . . . or even if you don't forgive, you can be neutral. Even if you don't forget, you can remember the lesson you learned, with out letting the whole "situation / issue" - - - literally ruin your life - - if you let it . . .
In the end, it really all depends on the situation / issue - - - -
Nessa7: Time is a beautiful thing .... It heals the pain but keeps the memories .... I prefer to cherish the good and learn from the bad but discard the bad emotions .....
Nessa7: I forgive easily .... ...... And try my best too forget as well ..... But also try to remember the lesson I have learnt ....
I think if we don't forgive and forget .....
We will never be able to move on in a healthy manner .....Plus who wants to spend time holding grudges ...... Not me
I think if we don't forgive and forget .....
We will never be able to move on in a healthy manner .....Plus who wants to spend time holding grudges ...... Not me
perfect - exactly how I feelfelixis99: yes also a thoughtful and helpful answer in my opinion. love till it hurts and then love some more
now that says LOVE - not be a doormat
okay felixis...i catch your drift...i did my best to apologize to a woman i met on here months ago,she would not accept my apology...so whats a guy to do..huh,i'm ready to forgive and forget,but there are people that will choose to hold a grudge forever...oh-well.now that says LOVE - not be a doormat
EMORTAL4U: okay felixis...i catch your drift...i did my best to apologize to a woman i met on here months ago,she would not accept my apology...so whats a guy to do..huh,i'm ready to forgive and forget,but there are people that will choose to hold a grudge forever...oh-well.
we have not really talked before but I have read many of your posts. You are a remarble man who seems like a wonderful person. What to do? You have done it. Forgive - if the person you are forgiving is too stupid to realize and accept the grace and generosity of that gift - sad, yes
but of no consequence as you have done what you need to do to gladden your heart and lift your burden. I hope you will find someone who realizes how lovely and special you are!
Mysticalli: very well said, almera! That´s what I did.
thats all i needed to know mysti..no problem.I don't recall many instances where I couldn't forgive. I try to keep in mind the old saying...screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me. 
I'm very forgiving but forgetting isn't totally possible for me. In fact, if we forget then we won't remember a lesson learned to guide us into our future relationships.
2intrigued: I'm very forgiving but forgetting isn't totally possible for me. In fact, if we forget then we won't remember a lesson learned to guide us into our future relationships.
true
any lessons are valuable
but I don't think it requires forgetting to forgive - if we forgot we wouldn't know what to forgive
EMORTAL4U: is your name felixis???...my comment was made for her to respond,stop being a c.s. psycologist and go find a friend.
Don't worry I wasn't going to charge you.......would you like a free lesson on manners too.
Good day Sir
felixis99: true
any lessons are valuable
but I don't think it requires forgetting to forgive - if we forgot we wouldn't know what to forgive
any lessons are valuable
but I don't think it requires forgetting to forgive - if we forgot we wouldn't know what to forgive
This is true
<---two more Canadian beers for ya 2intrigued: This is true <---two more Canadian beers for ya
yah - that's me excuse for this evening
EMORTAL4U: thats all i needed to know mysti..no problem.
Though you often mop and look for pity, is it not true that you were known as "Dreamwolf" and then banned for you Poem called "I'm your Stalker" that showed your plan to kill the young Lady that is right here? And the videos you also posted to try and berate and threaten her life??? You were banned for that and the poem was removed. and you came back under this new username and in a ever posting messages that you will always stalk and haunt this young Lady that you claim to of had feelings for but over and over admit to all that you are obsessed and even have used every way possible to make her feel uncomfortable?? Isn't it true that you yourself posted that you know how to come back after being banned and allude the Moderators?? Many posts ago I responded to you and said that how you choose to post from that point will determine who you are here. You have proven time and time again that you have no restraint and will stalk and harass her for all of time? Isn't it true you have no right to be here in any capacity at all?
In the USA there are local authorities that look down on that and consider it a crime. I do not think people realize the story in it's entirety and she does not like to feed your obsession yet you are pushing more than you realize now.
Nikogas: Though you often mop and look for pity, is it not true that you were known as "Dreamwolf" and then banned for you Poem called "I'm your Stalker" that showed your plan to kill the young Lady that is right here? And the videos you also posted to try and berate and threaten her life??? You were banned for that and the poem was removed. and you came back under this new username and in a ever posting messages that you will always stalk and haunt this young Lady that you claim to of had feelings for but over and over admit to all that you are obsessed and even have used every way possible to make her feel uncomfortable?? Isn't it true that you yourself posted that you know how to come back after being banned and allude the Moderators?? Many posts ago I responded to you and said that how you choose to post from that point will determine who you are here. You have proven time and time again that you have no restraint and will stalk and harass her for all of time? Isn't it true you have no right to be here in any capacity at all?
In the USA there are local authorities that look down on that and consider it a crime. I do not think people realize the story in it's entirety and she does not like to feed your obsession yet you are pushing more than you realize now.
In the USA there are local authorities that look down on that and consider it a crime. I do not think people realize the story in it's entirety and she does not like to feed your obsession yet you are pushing more than you realize now.
is this within your authority? or should your concerns be posted to the proper authorities??
felixis99: we have not really talked before but I have read many of your posts. You are a remarble man who seems like a wonderful person. What to do? You have done it. Forgive - if the person you are forgiving is too stupid to realize and accept the grace and generosity of that gift - sad, yesbut of no consequence as you have done what you need to do to gladden your heart and lift your burden. I hope you will find someone who realizes how lovely and special you are!
I think you need to read ALL his posts including his 1st thread in which he hid my posts and banned me. He has NOTHING to forgive. He has being mentioning the certain girl(me) since his 1st post. It´s about time to him live his own miserable life because I don´t want a man like him in my life at all. I would be too stupid (as you mentioned) if I accept his "apologies" (honestly I saw none, only his sick posts and videos full of anger, sarcasm,revenge and attempts to annoy me non-stop) after all he did to me including a sick poem called "I´m you stalker" in which he was planning my death.
That poem was deleted by the mods but some of his obsessive rest you can see here:
felixis99: is this within your authority? or should your concerns be posted to the proper authorities??
I truly am only concerned with the one that has been the victim here from the beginning. I have read all of the things and more that I stated. It is not a matter of "my" authority. I think there is a Moral issue and a big fear factor that is also very much an issue. Intimidation can come in many ways. I am simply taking a mask off this facade. Nothing more. If it were you the victim here and I knew what was going on I would not just let it be talked about by others that did not know. Of course I would say it out loud. This is not a secret..it is something that is just happening every day. It has just gone to far.
And that is very sad indeed.
Yes I forgive after paybacks are settled.
Mysticalli: I think you need to read ALL his posts including his 1st thread in which he hid my posts and banned me. He has NOTHING to forgive. He has being mentioning the certain girl(me) since his 1st post. It´s about time to him live his own miserable life because I don´t want a man like him in my life at all. I would be too stupid (as you mentioned) if I accept his "apologies" (honestly I saw none, only his sick posts and videos full of anger, sarcasm,revenge and attempts to annoy me non-stop) after all he did to me including a sick poem called "I´m you stalker" in which he was planning my death.
That poem was deleted by the mods but some of his obsessive rest you can see here:
That poem was deleted by the mods but some of his obsessive rest you can see here:
I had no idea about any of this....and of course was not able to read posts he banned. I had seen several comments where he was admitting that he had a hard time getting over a woman he cared for.
As I have also had that happen - where a man on here that had befriended me (HE contacted me)... just suddenly cut off contact with me for no understandable or mature reason. I understood the pain of that issue - the internet seems full of people who lead one on and then disappear or reject them on a whim - that's what I thought had happened....because that is what happened to me. my apology - of course your situation was different
I didn't view your link because I am not interested in your personal drama - just wanted to let you know that I was not aware of the death threats etc...if that is true, any future posts or threads or new user names should be sent to the mods immediately!!!
Some things can never be forgiven.
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