2Whitedoves: Is it really all about trust and how many of us have it?!
My daughter goes on a vacation every year with a couple girlfriends. She has been married 11 years and as far as I know, they are still happy. In fact, he likes it cause when she's on vacation he doesn't have to wear a mask at night to keep him from snoring..
...oh, not at all!! I am all for it, we trust each others boundries. I am surprised though at how many couples I talk to who wouldn't even think of it. That's unfortunate. Besides, it gives us a whole lot to talk about when we return :)
for me it is not a simple answer. my ex husband went places all the time with his friends - every friday night - every sunday afternoon -often on week nights... and then 1 or 2 weekends a year....of course he also never got to know me and I no longer will even consider speaking to him - I wasted my life on that man. thank god for my kids - the only good thing I managed to accomplish during those years
trust to me is not the issue. if a man is going to cheat - he is going to cheat. I would not object to my partner vacationing with a long lost pal because it is our partner's happiness that is most important. so if that is going to make him happy then that is what he should do
if it became a frequent occurrence where it apparently made him happier to spend time with others rather than his wife (me) then I would be gone so fast his eyes would hurt trying to follow the trail of smoke. I won't ever let myself be put thru that again. But a one time or occasional vacay with the guys - no big deal
this is assuming they aren't gang thugs - in that case no- and thanks for telling me your old friends are gang thugs before I'm in too deep
If he wants to go away once every two years with his buddies, what's the harm in that. And he. Should then be ok if I go away with the girls every once in awhile too.
If he wants to go away once every two years with his buddies, what's the harm in that. And he. Should then be ok if I go away with the girls every once in awhile too.
montemonte: My daughter goes on a vacation every year with a couple girlfriends. She has been married 11 years and as far as I know, they are still happy. In fact, he likes it cause when she's on vacation he doesn't have to wear a mask at night to keep him from snoring..
Why not? You DID say a vacation and not every weekend. I think friendships are important and both parties should have the freedom to spend some time with their friends without the other present. A girl/guys weekend is a healthy thing IMHO
I even encouraged a past partner of mine to spend 18 months in Antarctica....as it had always been a dream of his. And why not? I felt totally secure in our relationship.
You all gave really good feedback, honest too! It actually was a topic for me back when I was married, we did do seperate mini get-aways...nothing deceptive-just fun.. but recently, a married couple who I am friends with had this issue come up. They decided to wait one more year and revisit the idea. See, He goes out almost every Friday night...what's the difference, to me, that adds up to 52 Fridays in a year, she would be better off letting him have the week!!! All in good time Thank you all!
right - as I mentioned before, I was one of those every Friday night wives for years. I met my spouse in college and among our friends he was the only one who never outgrew the dorm party mentality.... And never again would I partner with such a man because in hindsight clearly it was due to the fact that he was immature.
however as I do not believe in "telling" my partner what to do and I would not insist he refrain from going somewhere without me if that is his choice, this means I am looking for a partner who has no interest in that particular behavior
we can't change each other - better to find someone who already fits our preferences - I am not interested in a man who would want to go out partying every Fri. night
montemonte: My daughter goes on a vacation every year with a couple girlfriends. She has been married 11 years and as far as I know, they are still happy. In fact, he likes it cause when she's on vacation he doesn't have to wear a mask at night to keep him from snoring..
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Your love of your life after 2 years of marraige wants a seperate vacation with his long life buddie(Vote Below)