An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a fight, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night.
A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most... "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.
He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions:
Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?
The wife put down her drink and said. . .
"Nah... let the old man dig. I had him buried upside down!"
This guy was walking along the beach in Malibu when he came across this salt-encrusted piece of metal. He worked for an hour or so to remove the salt. Lo and behold it was a very old oil lamp. The guy started to buff it to remove the verdigris when "poof" a genie appeared.
This genie, like all genies, was so happy to be freed of the lamp that he granted the guy three wishes.
"I wish to be a dollar richer than Bill Gates, " says the guy. The genie wasn't sure who Bill Gates was until the guy told him to check Forbes magazine. When the genie called up Forbes from inside the lamp he learned that Bill Gates was indeed the richest man in the world.
"Guy," the genie said, "You will forever be a dollar richer than Bill Gates. What's your second wish."
"Genie, I want the most expensive Porsche made: Fire engine red, on board GPS and the finest audio system ever installed in an automobile."
"That's easy, Guy," says the genie. He waves his hand and best car anybody had ever seen pops out of the lamp. The genie then asks the guy for his third wish.
The guy mulls the problem over and over. A girl-- nah, with billions and billions of dollars he certainly had become a chick magnet. World peace? Only wackos want that. The guy found a reason not to wish for anything that came to his mind.
"Genie," the guy said, "I can't think of anything now. May I save the third wish for later."
"Gee, this is most unusual. But you hold the hammer, I can't escape from this lamp until you make a third wish. Call me when you're ready," and whoosh the genie disappears into the lamp.
The guy carefully picks up the now-ever-so- valuable lamp and places it in the trunk of the fire engine red Porsche. He turns the radio on to balance the sounds and makes all the other adjustments needed to get his great audio system customized to his ears.
After that, he pulled off the beach and headed south along the Pacific Coast Highway. Soon he was up to 60, then 70, then 80. The Porsche handled perfectly. The guy was so happy that he began to sing along with the familiar commercial on the radio.
as long as he's not morbidly obese (overweight is ok) & not an abuser of women & children & can stay sober for extended periods of time, will do for me.
masks & games are for the younger generation. as you get older you start to realize how really dumb those things are. shed the mask & let the real you through.
since i have put my 2 cents in on a few threads, thought it was about time i introduced my self.
Hi there ya'll, moved to Knoxville, TN little over a year ago and i'm lovin' it. what a beautiful state! ! ! i'm never going back to miami,fl. I love seeing the 4 seasons change, in south fl you only get 1 season hot & humid summer year round.
would appreciate recommendations on things to see & do.
The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on my life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education,than money,than circumstamces, than failure, than success, than what other people think say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home.
The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.
We cannot change our past; we cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude...
I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me, and 90 percent how I react to it.
And so it is with you...we are in charge of our attitudes.
speaking of cats... do not use tinsel, they eat it. i found out the hard way when my cat ate some a few years ago & almost died. cost me a small fortune in vet bills. vet said the tinsel wrapped around the intestines & blockes them off.
Scottishlass Forum Posts (3,324)
scottishlass
to the party 
RE: hello all,