Yaya248 Forum Posts (218)

Joke.

A man is flying in a Hot Air Balloon, and realises he is lost.

He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowesr the balloon further and shouts; " Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below replies; "Yes. You're in a hot-air ballon, hovering 30ft above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," saya the balloonist.

"I do." replies the man, "How did you know?".

"Well", says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone".

The man below replies, "And let me guess, you must work in upper management?"

"I do", replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well", says the man, " you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, - but now it's all my fault."

Calling All Nutters...

Diagnosis: DELUSIONAL SCHIZOPHRENIA.




CONGRATULATIONS......YOU'RE IN!!!!

RE: descibe how your feeling use as many words as you like

RE: descibe how your feeling use as many words as you like

Girlfriends...may I be upfront here..thisis relateing to your tack, but I seem to have a permanent situation of folks - especially relatives - assuming I'm gay because I've never married and am not 'living' with anyone.

In MY book this is very F*98686$£ng clever...but somehow they don'e see it this way. So, my brothers and sister have difficulty explaining to thier kids why aunty Karen doesn't have an 'uncle'.

How would you deal with this?

Calling All Nutters...

Mine's on a drip........







Oh HAPPY DAZE!!!..

RE: descibe how your feeling use as many words as you like

JD and ice.....with a wee monkey on the side, - chrissssss's nuts not on the menu, but I can offer some roasted cojones (as per the joke thread...this does take time and effort y'know!!!)



napkin?

RE: descibe how your feeling use as many words as you like

Coleen...you're on a permanent drip...no need to order ....how many times must I explain!!!

Calling All Nutters...

listen - you were sent to us by recomendation!!!!!

Calling All Nutters...

Not atall....you snuck in between posts! cheeky!

RE: descibe how your feeling use as many words as you like

OK Wummin..this is where we're at....we have, every spririt...including good will (if he's up for it), numerous bottles of vino collapso, and three bags of nuts. Oh, and one lemon....(but his mum'll pick him up soon).

Soh, the bar's open, I'm feeling generous with the measures, there's no till, ...whaddayawant?

Calling All Nutters...

Hey, but Coleen, don't you notice we're the only two here!!!!!!!!!!

Can you read this?

Can you read this?
Olny srmat poelpe can.
cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the Itteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and Isat Itteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey Iteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhotslpeling was ipmorantt!
if you can raed tihs psas it on !!

RE: descibe how your feeling use as many words as you like

OOo noh! I doubt there's enough cyberspace....heheheh!

RE: descibe how your feeling use as many words as you like

Oh dear god....someone give her a double GIN!!!!!

RE: descibe how your feeling use as many words as you like

one lump or three?

Calling All Nutters...

This coming week is National Mental Health Care week.

You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.



Well, my job is done.

RE: descibe how your feeling use as many words as you like

Ha bluddy Ha. ( )


The bars open, what'll you have?

RE: descibe how your feeling use as many words as you like

Well done you Lily, for I am getting very seriously pissed off with this bluddy weather. I really dont't ind the wind and rain, - in wee doses, but when it gets into week after week, then I want to shout a complaint !!

Especially as I had a couple of BBQ's to attend this weekend which were both rained off....my social life is limited enough without t he bluddy weather getting in the way!!

It's like the worst of a november night out here just now! Where's the duvet?! And the brrandy for that matter?!!

RE: descibe how your feeling use as many words as you like

Hi Coleen!

Am sad to say that I've got a headache I've been putting up with for well over a week now, - and I'm sure it's this bluddy weather!

Am I the only person seriously pissed off at all this unrelenting rain and wind ( and I'm not refering to my bathroom !!:)).

This has gone on waaayyy too long. I'm going back to Oz. Or bed. Or the pub.

<a href="http://www.sweetim.com/s.asp?im=gen&ref=11" target="_blank"><img src="http://content.sweetim.com/sim/cpie/emoticons/000200BC.gif" border=0 ></a>

RE: SECRET CRUSHES

Is this CS crushes particularly?....or are we just sharing the 'type' of person we might be attracted to?

For me, I've always had a hankering for a dark rugby playing farmer type, with a big...smile

Advice for the girls... :)

ON PREPARING FOR A MAMMOGRAM;

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need. Take a few minutes each day with the following exercises, and you will be tatally prepared. These are easily done in your own home.


Exercise one:

Open refrigerator door, and insert one breast between the door and the fridge. Shut the door as hard as possible, leaning on it for good measure. Hold this position for at least five seconds. Repeat again just incase the first time wasn't effective enough.


Exercise two:


Go into the garage at 3am when the cement temperature is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on your side, with one breast wedged under a rear tyre of the car. Ask a passing stranger to - slowly -reverse over your breast until it is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Once satisfied, turn over and do the same on the other breast.

Exercise three:


Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a different stranger into the room. Get him to press the bookends against one of your breasts, - then smash them together as hard as he can.

Invite the stranger to set up an appointment and do the same again next year.

NOW, - CONSIDER YOURSELF PREPARED!

RE: SECRET CRUSHES

It's the Iranian guy in the chip shop who swears he's Elvis.






There....I've said it!! Phew...such a relief. Thanks.

RE: Drunken tales

Put The Bay City Rollers on the jukebox instead of Bruce Springsteen! -

It caused a riot...women shouting "Shang-a-Lang" and men shouting "Sit down and shut up woman!"


The landlord pulled the plug.....

RE: Hello

Glad to meet you....

only there's two people in the pic....which one are you?

(one for each of you!)

RE: can i have some good luck vibes and thoughts please

Hi Sarah,
am sending get well wishes over the ether to your cousin, and a hug to you to pass on to him when you get the chance.

All this bigotry crap really disgusts me. Stories like this make me really despair at some of the people we have to share the planet with. If only they could take the time and sense to have a good look at themself, work on their own beliefs, and stop looking to others to blame for their own injustices.

Karen X

RE: how do you get on with your next door neibour?

XX

RE: how do you get on with your next door neibour?

Too may questions...and sooooh late!


I'm gonna send you a bloody encyclopedia!

Try one thread per question....good questions!

RE: has anybody read any good books recently ?

Didn't you think to peg a brolly to the winscreen??

men just have no imagination!!

RE: has anybody read any good books recently ?

RE: Funny who you run into online...

Great! Look forward to hearing from you!