uk1971 Forum Posts (2,429)

RE: can you tell a fake smile on somebody

Come to bed eyes

RE: Hiatus

The new Goodnight Thread

Goodnight Everyone.

The elephant joke thread

I'm off to bed
BUT be warned. I'll be back tomorrow with more.
G' Night all.
Tom.

RE: HELLO

Hi

<<<<<<<<<<---------If I was you, I'd steer clear of this guy.

The elephant joke thread

The funny farm

How are an elephant and a banana just alike?
They are both yellow.....uh...except for the elephant of course.


What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?
"Oh look. A herd of elephants coming over the hill.


What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants wearing sunglasses coming over the hill?
Nothing. He didn't recognise them.


What did Jane say when she saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?
"Look. A bunch of bananas coming over the hill."
(Jane was colour blind)


Why do elephants travel in herds?
Because if the travelled in flocks, it would confuse the sheepdogs.

Something I've noticed about these Bananas.

It doesn't matter what song is playing. The bloody things are dancing in time to the music.

The elephant joke thread

Why do elephants wear blue tennis shoes?

'Cos the white ones always get dirty.


Why do elephants float in the river upside down?

To keep their blue tennis shoes from getting wet.


How do you get an elephant up an oak tree?
Sit it on an acorn and wait 50 years.


Why do ducks have flat feet?
For stamping out forest fires.


Why do elephants have flat feet?
For stamping out flaming ducks

RE: What would you say?

That would be telling

Hi Debs.

RE: I know that there is already a...

OK WHICH WISE GUY LET THESE BLOODY THINGS IN?

RE: Are you a double D?

Looks like I'm gonna be the one doing the throwing up then 'cos I ain't got a car or a driving license. Ooops

RE: How are every body?

If there's gonna be a invasion here, you won't mind if I just slip out Damnit!!!!!!


Oh Sorry and Goodbye.

clocks

Were only half way through the week.
I ain't finished.

clocks

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. clairvoyant are we?

clocks

Sorry. It's a private joke which Chris started on me per email.

clocks

I had a dream last night.
I dreamt I had died and gone to heaven,
When I got to the gates, I was met by St. Peter, who showed me into a room.
The walls of the room were completely covered by millions and millions of clocks.
I said to St Peter,
"What are all these clocks for?"
St Peter replied,
"Well. These are everybody on earths Life Clocks."
I noticed that every now and again various clocks jumped forward by an hour.
I asked St Peter about this and he told me,
Oh! That. That happens when someone on earth interferes with themselves, that is what happens. Through this self gratification, they lose an hour off their life."
I had a good look round and noticed that Imbroglias clock wasn't any where to be seen, St Peter said,
"No! You won't see his here.....................


















































































































We use it in the kitchen as a ceiling fan.



Revenge is Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet

RE: I know that there is already a...

AND I AIN'T TELLIN' YA WHEN

RE: I know that there is already a...

Don't worry!!!!!!!!Your Time Will Come

RE: I know that there is already a...

Is it real? or is it memorex?

Weekend Who's up for...

Ding a Ling

RE: and the votes are in

Does this mean I've been stripped of my title?

Boiling Mad

Thanks Roy. Appreciate that.

Thanks to everyone for their kind words.

RE: Did you know

Watch it buddy! That's my little girl there.

Weekend Who's up for...

Start up a bell ringers only thread?

Weekend Who's up for...

RE: any .....

F..k me my false tooth just flew out.

Osama writes to George

Have you no sense of humour?

RE: Did you know

WOT! No

RE: Did you know

Wait 'till she sees the size of your . She'll either want to peel it or die laughing.

RE: Did you know

you win the golden

Seriously. Good luck to both of you.