Saw this on the EU forums and I've just got to pass it on..
John went to several pet shops to find a pet that no one else had. Finally, he came to a shop that had in stock a parrot with a 15 inch beak. He instantly fell in love with the bird and asked the pet shop owner how much it was. The owner said, "You really don't want this bird because it can't talk. His beak is much too long. John didn't care, he wanted it and money was no object. Finally, the owner sold him the bird and as he was walking out the door he told him, "If you ever want that bird to talk, cut off his beak below the nose holes or he'll drown when he drinks."
As John was walking home with the bird on his shoulder, he decided he would try what the shop owner had told hikm, and he stopped off at the local hardware store. When he walked in, the owner said, "the hacksaws are on aisle 12. John was shocked and asked how he knew he wanted a hacksaw.He replied, I see you have that beautiful bird, and it's a shame that he won't be able to talk. If you're going to cut it's beak off just be careful and be sure to cut it off just below its nose hole otherwise it'll drown when it has a drink." John again shocked asked how he knew that, and the owner told him that it was common knowledge. So, John purchased the saw and went home.
As he was arriving home, his neighbour said hello and commented that he had a beautiful bird, and that it was a shame that it wouldn't be able to talk as it had a 15 inch beak. John asked him how he knew that, and his neighbour replied that it was common knowledge. He added "I see that you have a hacksaw. If you are going to cut the birds beak off, make sure you do it just below its nose holes, or it'll drown when it has a drink, and I assumed that everyone knew that." John thanked him and went on his way.
A couple of days later, John ran into his friend who asked him, Where's your bird?" Misty eyed, John told him the bird had died. The neighbour was shocked and said, "I told you to be sure to cut below the nose holes or he would drown when he drinks," John said, "I did." "So." Said the neighbour, "What happened?" John said, "I crushed his head in the vice."
Doctor. My wife's dirty. "What do you mean. Dirty?" Well she's filthy. She's got disgusting habits. Can you define that? Yes. Every Friday night when I come home drunk, I have this urge to piss in the kitchen sink and I can't 'cos it's full of dirty dishes.
While walking the sidewalk of his church, the local pastor heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5 year old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that a proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The pastors son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonuous dignity intoned his version of what his father always said. "Glory be unto the Faaaather and unto the Sonnnnn...and into the hole he goes."
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake was barking and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got there?" he asked. "It sure is." I replied Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then at the back of the van. Finally, he said. "What'd he do?"
Paddy was in hospital recovering from major surgery. He came round from the anesthetic to find himself back on the ward. "T'anks be to God. It's over with at last!" The guy in the bed opposite said to Paddy, "Don't be so sure mate. The surgeons had to open me up again after my operation. Some idiot left a surgical swab inside me!" "Huh! That's nothing!" said the guy on the other side. They had to open me up as well. They left a surgical swab AND a pair of forceps inside me!" Poor Paddy is lying there in a hot sweat when the surgeon who perfomed the operation on him bounded into the room. "Has anyone seen my golf clubs?"
Maybe if they added more varieties of emoticons, guys wouldn't go over the top. MODs If you are watching and do have plans to add more, I beg you, PLEASE! No more dancing fruit!
Has anyone else had emails from the MODS about limiting the number of Emoticons or am I the only one. I admit I have gone over the top a little, but not as far as some. I know that the limitation is to keep threads moving and helps to keep CS free to all, and I don't want to upset the MODs.
uk1971 Forum Posts (2,429)
Hi, and welcome to insanity central.
RE: A WORLD WITHOUT MEN ???