Thanks Drewski, you are absolutely right about flipping the situation and considering dating someone fresh out of a serious relationship. If we wouldn't accept a rebound why would we be one!!! I have dated some since my marriage of 20+ years ended over 6 years ago and am looking for someone who is pretty much healed......
I will not date, or get involved with anyone who is closer to my parent's age or my children's age than to my own age. Expectations, values, and culture/socialization are just too different in my experience.
Will also not consider anyone with drinking problem. Life and love are tough enough without trying to be with someone who exits stage left with a bottle anytime things get difficult or stressful.
Next......
PS. Good forum thread. Can't wait to hear what others have to say.
Dear Curvy, He is cheating on his girlfriend with you! Ever hear of emotional infidelity. Just because there has not been any 'pole in hole' action yet does not make this innocent in the slightest. I agree with others who recommend you put yourself in her shoes. Remember most cheaters start out this way. Trust me girl, if he would do it to her, he would also do it to you. I sincerely hope you find someone who is truly available and worth your time. Good luck and take care.
Asking for opinions here. How much time would you take to heal after a break up before getting involved with someone new. I have heard recommendations of 1 year for every 4 years of marriage. What about long term relationships that did not involve marriage or living together? What have been your experiences with waiting versus diving back into relationship life? Please share.
Thanks Loner, I am getting faster and hopefully better at separating the wheat from the chaff. Soon I will be able to make bread, lol. Have a great day all.
You just keep right on smiling, girl. You will have lots more to smile about now that you are 'free' to look up and around and see some new wonderful, available man who is smiling back at you. Just take a breath or two to heal from the games. Thanks for sharing your struggle, your pain and finally the triumph (though it may not feel like it yet) of choosing healthy boundaries for yourself and your children. You Rock. Proud of you.
Hug_Me_Tighter, I agree with the above to trust your instincts. Your gut has spoken, thank goodness you have listened or you could be waking up to a whole lot of trouble.
People who are eager to get into another relationship without truly finishing with the last and not bothering to take time to heal or find out who they are on their own are bad news waiting to happen for so many reasons it is tough to even know where to start. Trust that when we are truly available and seek truly available people for love interests, things will be less complicated, confusing and conflicting.
If he is truly a good friend he wouldn't put you or your and his children in such an awkward position in the first place. If you can't walk up to his door, ring the bell and say hi honey, and sit down to dinner or help cook the dinner, it is a go no where proposition destined to be filled with pain. I don't understand why people willingly and knowingly sign up for that. Keep a clear head and don't be manipulated. I know there are strong words said so far in these posts, but better to hear and really listen now than be kicking yourself later.
Beware, he may just want a safe, convenient place to land when things finally blow up at home as they are destined to do in such a situation. But deep down I believe you already know this. Take care of, trust and honour yourself.
Just out of curiousity I checked out the other photos in your profile and happened to notice that you are not smiling in any of them. I would bet that you would turn a lot more heads and get a lot more approaches with a smile so big that lit up you eyes, and then no one would care so much about the size of the thighs. (sorry or the ryhme but it fit). Let what is inside shine out through the pearly whites.
I was in a long distance relationship. The calling, emailing, and visiting electronically were fun. We spent hours of time "together" several times a day on the phone. Getting together physically initially was fabulous and we both travelled far to see each other. When we were apart I looked forward to the emails, cards, flowers and music he would send. It was very romantic.
Then we were able to spend many continuous weeks together. He relaxed from his best behaviour and some traits that were unacceptable came out. Between that and the stress of the distance it ulltimately ended.
I just wish I knew how to tell about the deal breaker behaviours sooner even if they don't want to show that side of themselves. Alcohol turned out to be a huge issue and it literally broke my heart to let the man go but survival first right.
All I can say is find out everything you possibly can early so you don't waist time on someone who is better suited to somebody else. How to do this in a long distance relationship is the big question since people can hide lots about themselves in the miles between visits. I wish you all the best, stay positive and busy between communications and visits.
punchingodo Forum Posts (12)
How much time to heal.
Thanks Drewski, you are absolutely right about flipping the situation and considering dating someone fresh out of a serious relationship. If we wouldn't accept a rebound why would we be one!!! I have dated some since my marriage of 20+ years ended over 6 years ago and am looking for someone who is pretty much healed......