Scubadiva Forum Posts (2,689)

RE: Will Bunch: Tearing Down The Reagan 'Myth'

Sounds about right.

RE: Why do we SEEK?

Too funny, pubwrite!


(@#$&*! one of these days I'll remember to include the quote)

RE: Why do we SEEK?

RE: Smart in life, loser in love?

I had a look at your profile and you've got everything going for you! The only thing I can think of is basically what pretzleman said: you set your expectations too low and that's why you end up with guys who will cheat or treat you poorly. There's a saying: if you lay down with dogs, you wake up with fleas.

There are a lot of single guys out there who can keep up with you intellectually, but you may have to look a little further away or go to a website that caters specifically to people who are looking for your qualities.

Values dating

Okay, I disagree that we should disagree that we should agree to disagree

Values dating

Sounds good

Values dating

I guess I'm going to have to disagree as well because values is a moral concept, rather than a biological one. I think the jury (science) is still out as to how much of our behavior is predetermined by genetics vs. environment. Last I read was that 80% of our behavior and mode of thinking is environmental.

Yes, a mother's instinct is biological, with an eye to survival of her offspring. Just musing... if a mother gives birth to a child in a war or post-war environment where the child's survival depends on scrounging, thieving, and worse, possibly hurting someone else in order to survive, then this child will grow up with a different set of values than another child that is raised in a cushy neighborhood with doting parents.

Values dating

Even though it's been a year since your husband passed on, let me express my condolences on this anniversary day.
Being there when the partner becomes ill is, in my opinion, fundamental to a partnership. My dad was ill and my mom took care of him. When she became ill, I took care of her. It's not easy to take care of a terminally ill person, but if there ever was/is a test of "love," that has to be it.

I agree with you in that I'd like to know as well that a partner would be there for me (and vice versa, of course). If there are any reservations, it's definitely a no-go. It's one of those things that people don't often think about or don't want to think about while looking for a partner, but as we get older, it does become an issue.

RE: New to online dating?

Welcome
I'm new here also. The people seem to be really friendly (at least so far )

Values dating

Oh dear... good thing you lost that fellow I've once encountered a man online who, after several conversations, conveyed to me that he left his wife when she was diagnosed with cancer. What a catch, eh. Goes without saying that that was the last conversation we ever had. I'm not even sure whether staying around when your partner becomes ill qualifies as a core value, and I suppose one can argue that everyone's entitled to have a healthy, fully functional partner, but there's just something tacky about leaving a person when they're ill and in need of support, you know.

It's kinda interesting to discuss these issues because just thinking about this case makes me realize that I expect more than just core values. (... and thus my chances of meeting anyone just went down the drain)

Values dating

Hmm... interesting. I'm sort of on the fence because I believe all values are acquired at some point, be that early in life or later, and they become part of a person's personality.

Values dating

Are you thinking Jimmy Swaggert & Co.?

Methinks that variety would probably argue that there are circumstances when a lie is justifiable when it serves the greater good (or god).

Perhaps the difference is that one group puts the god/deity/principle above the person they're with whereas the moderate variety puts the wellbeing of the person they're with above everything else?

Values dating

Thanks. Great answers also.

I agree with you on a personal level. I'd be out also, as soon as someone tried to "convert" me. Still, it kinda goes to show that there's a point where one's no longer willing to compromise and I'm kinda trying to figure out where the threshold is.

In terms of politics, the last two elections have pretty much polarized the country (whether by design or not is another issue ). Liberal dating sites popped up, conservative dating sites popped up, other issue-driven sites are out there and the notion that like-likes-like seems to be become ever more popular. Makes one wonder whether we as people become more polarized even in our dating choices, you know.

Values dating

I've heard this saying before, but while it sounds good, I don't really understand what it means practically. Does it mean that you do as you please, I do what I please, but so long as we have a common objective (hmm... like what?) we're good?

Not trying to be argumentative, just interested. Thanks.

Values dating

If we go with the earlier definition of core values like trustworthiness, honesty, fidelity, etc., then I'd imagine that an evangelical Christian, for ex., wouldn't be much different from a liberal Christian, don't you think? Could it be that a non-religious person perceives the fundamentalists to be less tolerable of them and therefore the non-believer might shy away from a potential relationship?

Just using Christianity/Atheism as an example. This is really non-specific. Could just as well apply to any other religion.

RE: A Constructive post, I hope

1. When they claim to have x,y,z degree or job, you ask them some probing questions and their English suddenly becomes really, really bad.

2. They claim one thing in the mail and the profile says something else.

3. When they get all lovey dovey and use terms like "babe, dear, sweetie, etc." ... good grief...

Values dating

Thanks for the thoughtful replies.

I think there's also a difference between respecting another person's values and living with them. What I mean is the practical aspects: Imagine, for example, you're an active member of an evangelical church (insert religion of choice) and it is important to you make it to services weekly and to also have your partner there to share in your joy. So then your date/partner respectfully declines to go and if he/she does go, cringes at the dogma. How long can one keep this up, esp. when there's pressure from the church group to convert the partner?

My point is that in cases where values are strongly held and are coupled with certain practices (regular worship, study, political meetings, etc.) that the other cannot or prefers not to share in, is it still "enough" to have common core values?

Values dating

How important is it to you to share the same values with a potential date/partner? How many of your values would you be willing to bend for your date/partner?

Would you get involved with someone long-term if they were on the opposite spectrum in terms of politics or religion (aka expression of values)?

Would you still get involved even if you knew good and well that sooner or later your viewpoints would clash?

No, I don't have that dilemma, but I'm curious how others feel about the issue.

Thanks

RE: pls don't think that Chinese women only come for the greencard

Geez, I wonder why anyone would even want to come over given the state of the economy, the disasterous health care system, etc. I don't think that a lot of women overseas realize just how difficult it is to make a decent living in the US. This country has changed a lot in the last 20 years and not exactly for the better, imo.

I do not think that all Chinese women are only interested in a green card. That's just as silly as saying: all men who date a woman from another country can't find one at home ... hmmm... ... maybe I need to rethink this issue