Values dating (64)
Scubadiva: How important is it to you to share the same values with a potential date/partner? How many of your values would you be willing to bend for your date/partner?
Would you get involved with someone long-term if they were on the opposite spectrum in terms of politics or religion (aka expression of values)?
Would you still get involved even if you knew good and well that sooner or later your viewpoints would clash?
No, I don't have that dilemma, but I'm curious how others feel about the issue.
Thanks
Would you get involved with someone long-term if they were on the opposite spectrum in terms of politics or religion (aka expression of values)?
Would you still get involved even if you knew good and well that sooner or later your viewpoints would clash?
No, I don't have that dilemma, but I'm curious how others feel about the issue.
Thanks
In rough order...very important to share similar values. Differences in politics or religion don't necessary denote different values (though that would often be likely). You can believe different things without holding different values - e.g., you could both want to end world hunger while disagreeing on the best political solution.
Clashing values...would depend on how strongly they clash. If they pit you against each other in vitriolic argumentation on a regular basis - or if you feel you cannot accept a particular belief in your partner - then it would probably be best to find someone more compatible in those respects.
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I would not want anyone that did not have a life!
I have no reason to expect all others to to think, act, value, believe, do, what I do.
If she cannot/will not be her own person, her & I would have absolutely nothing in common and nothing to communicate about..
I have no reason to expect all others to to think, act, value, believe, do, what I do.
If she cannot/will not be her own person, her & I would have absolutely nothing in common and nothing to communicate about..
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I think respecting each others individual values is important.
Good god if we where all the same, why bother being in a relationship.
I enjoy peoples different opinions on a variety of topics, it gives me a different perspective on things a lot of the time.
Good god if we where all the same, why bother being in a relationship.
I enjoy peoples different opinions on a variety of topics, it gives me a different perspective on things a lot of the time.
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HJFinAZ: I would not want anyone that did not have a life!
I have no reason to expect all others to to think, act, value, believe, do, what I do.
If she cannot/will not be her own person, her & I would have absolutely nothing in common and nothing to communicate about..
I have no reason to expect all others to to think, act, value, believe, do, what I do.
If she cannot/will not be her own person, her & I would have absolutely nothing in common and nothing to communicate about..
You can still be your own persons while agreeing, no?The question was whether or not different values could make one reconsider a relationship. I take it that wouldn't matter to you, Pat?
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sxc666: I think respecting each others individual values is important.
Good god if we where all the same, why bother being in a relationship.
I enjoy peoples different opinions on a variety of topics, it gives me a different perspective on things a lot of the time.
Good god if we where all the same, why bother being in a relationship.
I enjoy peoples different opinions on a variety of topics, it gives me a different perspective on things a lot of the time.
Do you believe you could respect values which are strongly opposed to your own, 666?
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And Ambrose stay the hell away from my Grammar and Spelling.
It makes me nervous
It makes me nervous
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Scubadiva: How important is it to you to share the same values with a potential date/partner? How many of your values would you be willing to bend for your date/partner?
Would you get involved with someone long-term if they were on the opposite spectrum in terms of politics or religion (aka expression of values)?
Would you still get involved even if you knew good and well that sooner or later your viewpoints would clash?
No, I don't have that dilemma, but I'm curious how others feel about the issue.
Thanks
Would you get involved with someone long-term if they were on the opposite spectrum in terms of politics or religion (aka expression of values)?
Would you still get involved even if you knew good and well that sooner or later your viewpoints would clash?
No, I don't have that dilemma, but I'm curious how others feel about the issue.
Thanks
This is a very interesting question. I think it depends on the core values behind the labels when it comes to things like religion and politics. I could date someone who associated themselves with a different label (for example, I'm a Pagan, but can date a Christian and I'm a Republican but can date a Democrat) so long as we hold core values like monogamy and honesty in common, and can discuss our differences without arguing, and do so with respect for each other's right to those beliefs. We don't have to agree on everything, so long as we can peacefully agree to disagree.
It's core values like trust, honesty, respect, communication, and faithfulness that I can't see myself being able to date someone with different values on.
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druidess6308: This is a very interesting question. I think it depends on the core values behind the labels when it comes to things like religion and politics. I could date someone who associated themselves with a different label (for example, I'm a Pagan, but can date a Christian and I'm a Republican but can date a Democrat) so long as we hold core values like monogamy and honesty in common, and can discuss our differences without arguing, and do so with respect for each other's right to those beliefs. We don't have to agree on everything, so long as we can peacefully agree to disagree.
It's core values like trust, honesty, respect, communication, and faithfulness that I can't see myself being able to date someone with different values on.
Exactly Dru It's core values like trust, honesty, respect, communication, and faithfulness that I can't see myself being able to date someone with different values on.
when differing opinions and values, lead to full blown arguments.........No thank I'd be out the door.------ This thread is Archived ------
Ambrose2007: And while she does occasionally flash the cross and toss holy water at me, often while simultaneously attempting to fasten me to Medieval instruments of torture, we nonetheless have learned to deal with our differences in a respectful manner. I think that's possible because we share the same core values. I think it also helps that I occasionally wear a rather Christ-like beard.
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Thanks for the thoughtful replies.
I think there's also a difference between respecting another person's values and living with them. What I mean is the practical aspects: Imagine, for example, you're an active member of an evangelical church (insert religion of choice) and it is important to you make it to services weekly and to also have your partner there to share in your joy. So then your date/partner respectfully declines to go and if he/she does go, cringes at the dogma. How long can one keep this up, esp. when there's pressure from the church group to convert the partner?
My point is that in cases where values are strongly held and are coupled with certain practices (regular worship, study, political meetings, etc.) that the other cannot or prefers not to share in, is it still "enough" to have common core values?
I think there's also a difference between respecting another person's values and living with them. What I mean is the practical aspects: Imagine, for example, you're an active member of an evangelical church (insert religion of choice) and it is important to you make it to services weekly and to also have your partner there to share in your joy. So then your date/partner respectfully declines to go and if he/she does go, cringes at the dogma. How long can one keep this up, esp. when there's pressure from the church group to convert the partner?
My point is that in cases where values are strongly held and are coupled with certain practices (regular worship, study, political meetings, etc.) that the other cannot or prefers not to share in, is it still "enough" to have common core values?
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oops...sorry
sxc666: And Ambrose stay the hell away from my Grammar and Spelling.
It makes me nervous
It makes me nervous
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My philosophy: We don't have to be on the same road, but we need to be going the same direction. 
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Indyfella: My philosophy: We don't have to be on the same road, but we need to be going the same direction.
Gee, Bob...that almost sounds rather wise... 
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Scubadiva: Thanks for the thoughtful replies.
I think there's also a difference between respecting another person's values and living with them. What I mean is the practical aspects: Imagine, for example, you're an active member of an evangelical church (insert religion of choice) and it is important to you make it to services weekly and to also have your partner there to share in your joy. So then your date/partner respectfully declines to go and if he/she does go, cringes at the dogma. How long can one keep this up, esp. when there's pressure from the church group to convert the partner?
My point is that in cases where values are strongly held and are coupled with certain practices (regular worship, study, political meetings, etc.) that the other cannot or prefers not to share in, is it still "enough" to have common core values?
I think there's also a difference between respecting another person's values and living with them. What I mean is the practical aspects: Imagine, for example, you're an active member of an evangelical church (insert religion of choice) and it is important to you make it to services weekly and to also have your partner there to share in your joy. So then your date/partner respectfully declines to go and if he/she does go, cringes at the dogma. How long can one keep this up, esp. when there's pressure from the church group to convert the partner?
My point is that in cases where values are strongly held and are coupled with certain practices (regular worship, study, political meetings, etc.) that the other cannot or prefers not to share in, is it still "enough" to have common core values?
In a case like that, I would say no because now you're not talking about respect for a partner's differences in religious beliefs. I could never date someone who had such a strong adherence to a dogma, especially if they're trying to convert me, or people from their church are going to try to convert me, and this is an important aspect of their religious beliefs. That goes against the part of what I can accept about "agreeing to disagree" and respecting the differences in beliefs. In this case, I would be out the door before I ever walked in it. (My profile here makes it rather clear what my beliefs are, and I do the same in person if someone starts preaching at me...and leave as soon as I can get away from them.)
The same would go for political meetings. If they insist on wanting me to go with them, and try to convert me to their beliefs, we have no relationship. Period.
Still good questions, Scuba.------ This thread is Archived ------
Indyfella: My philosophy: We don't have to be on the same road, but we need to be going the same direction.
Well said, Indy.------ This thread is Archived ------
Scubadiva: Thanks for the thoughtful replies.
I think there's also a difference between respecting another person's values and living with them. What I mean is the practical aspects: Imagine, for example, you're an active member of an evangelical church (insert religion of choice) and it is important to you make it to services weekly and to also have your partner there to share in your joy. So then your date/partner respectfully declines to go and if he/she does go, cringes at the dogma. How long can one keep this up, esp. when there's pressure from the church group to convert the partner?
My point is that in cases where values are strongly held and are coupled with certain practices (regular worship, study, political meetings, etc.) that the other cannot or prefers not to share in, is it still "enough" to have common core values?
I think there's also a difference between respecting another person's values and living with them. What I mean is the practical aspects: Imagine, for example, you're an active member of an evangelical church (insert religion of choice) and it is important to you make it to services weekly and to also have your partner there to share in your joy. So then your date/partner respectfully declines to go and if he/she does go, cringes at the dogma. How long can one keep this up, esp. when there's pressure from the church group to convert the partner?
My point is that in cases where values are strongly held and are coupled with certain practices (regular worship, study, political meetings, etc.) that the other cannot or prefers not to share in, is it still "enough" to have common core values?
Well, I'd wonder if you truly would have core values under those circumstances, Scuba. I mean, it's one thing to be a Christian - but an evangelical one?! That might represent too much of a difference, I'm thinking.
In my case, the beauteous lady in question is a Christian more in the "he was a good guy with a bodacious beard" sense, so I think that's more doable for a formerly hirsute atheist such as myself.
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My $0.02
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.” —Kahlil Gibran
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.” —Kahlil Gibran
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Scubadiva: How important is it to you to share the same values with a potential date/partner? How many of your values would you be willing to bend for your date/partner?
Would you get involved with someone long-term if they were on the opposite spectrum in terms of politics or religion (aka expression of values)?
Would you still get involved even if you knew good and well that sooner or later your viewpoints would clash?
No, I don't have that dilemma, but I'm curious how others feel about the issue.
Thanks
Would you get involved with someone long-term if they were on the opposite spectrum in terms of politics or religion (aka expression of values)?
Would you still get involved even if you knew good and well that sooner or later your viewpoints would clash?
No, I don't have that dilemma, but I'm curious how others feel about the issue.
Thanks
It's important along with all the other things like respect and chemistry. I have found that it is always good to keep an open mind when it comes to people.
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Created: Feb 2009
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Would you get involved with someone long-term if they were on the opposite spectrum in terms of politics or religion (aka expression of values)?
Would you still get involved even if you knew good and well that sooner or later your viewpoints would clash?
No, I don't have that dilemma, but I'm curious how others feel about the issue.
Thanks