Now that I think about it,…. I was feeling a bit depressed when I was with my last girlfriend. My mother had just died, and to be perfectly honest I wasn't exactly thrilled about my last girlfriend either.
Anyway, I kept apologizing to her for being lazy. She kept saying, "God! If you call what you do being lazy I can't imagine what you must be like when you ambitious!"
I had fabricated and installed all her window frames, painted the ceiling in two rooms of her house, fixed her car, and cleaned up her entire yard. And that was just while I was moping around at her place for a couple days.
Owl bet Arabella wouldn't mind me coming up and being lazy at her place for a while. Or Nene either.
Women always seem to like it when the hunk comes to repair their abodes.
I am currently living in a situation that is totally uninviting to a potential partner. I am pretty much unable to leave my home for any extended periods of time right now, and the place is a complete mess. I'm not talking about a simple clean-up here, I'm talking more like what you'd see if you wanted into an old storage shed at a factory that has been closed for several years. We're talking a major remodeling event needed here, not just a superficial clean up.
So what's the scoop? Should I just fact the fact that I'm not in a position to ask a woman to come into my life right now? And wait until next summer after I "clean up my act"? Or should I go ahead and ask a woman to come into my life "as is" knowing that I have a heart of gold waiting for her which is more important than the superficial stuff?
I mean, in my mind, I'm sure it will all be romantic for her in the long haul. In fact, when she looks back on the "early days" she's probably say those were the most romantic of all moments anyway. Yet, it does seem hard to get a woman to actually take the plunge. It's like they expect that "finished project" first so-to-speak.
Whadda think? Do you think there are many women who would take a chance starting out with a man who's basically at an all-time low in his life?
I once knew a girl named Lorena she was born in the south of Vienna no woman was meaner she cut of my wiener! then used it for a TV antenna
~~~
I once knew a girl named Louella she was diagnosed with having rubella she cut skin from my thigh I thought I would die! she used it to make an umbrella
I believe that metaphors or analogies necessarily must break down at some point. Otherwise they wouldn’t be analogies, but instead would be the real thing.
Unlike a stone diamond that loses material when it's cut, I believe that a human gains more than they lose when they polish a potential they have.
Also, the metaphor of a human being a "diamond in the rough" can mean a lot of different things. A diamond in who's eyes?
I'm a "mountain man" of sorts in many ways. That's not really an accurate description because I'm also a lot like a "starship captain" in other ways too. But for now, let's just focus on the "mountain man" facet.
I live in a cottage in a rural area, I heat with wood, I drive a pick-up truck, and I dress in blue-jeans, T-shirts and I wear bandanas.
So, am I a diamond in the rough? Or perhaps I'm just a lump of coal?
From my point of view a woman who really wanted to appreciate me would inspire me to continue with my current lifestyle but maybe just fix things up better. You know, make the cottage, the gardens, and the pick-up look as good as possible. Work hard to improve what I am.
But another woman could look at me and say, "No". To be a cut-diamond for her I would need to sell my place, move to the city, dump my clothes, buy a suit and tie, and trade in my pick-up for a Mercedes Benz.
In the first case, the woman is just inspiring me to be the best I can be without changing me. In the second case she basically wants to change me into something I'm not. I'm all for the first case. I want no parts of the second case.
Well this is true too. Anyone who thinks that GWB represents anything that remotely resembles an intelligent human being isn't even worth trying to talk with. He is the number-one worst enemy of the United States of America in all of history!
Sure it does. I can't stand extremist activists no matter which way they are leaning.
I believe in live and let live. I'm not going to be happy with a woman who's constantly trying to tell other people how they should live their lives.
So, yes, her political views and how strongly she holds them are indeed important to me. I see almost every issue on case-by-case basis. I would view a partner who takes a blanket approach to issues as basically being an air-head and impossible to communicate with. Why would I want to get involved with such a person? You'd either be constantly arguing with her, or constantly having to say "yes ma'am" just to appease her.
Give me a down-to-earth woman who wants to focus on OUR relationship. If she wants to run the world let her run for president!
I've never heard those terms being used gender-specifically as you suggest.
The term "self-esteem" would apply to both genders as far as I'm concerned.
I don't care for the word "ego", it's poorly defined and means different things to psychologists than it does to laymen. Typically, laymen use it to refer to self-centered arrogance. In that sense, it's not good to have an ego at all.
However, if you use "ego" to mean "self-esteem" then it's important to have a healthy ego. That would be the more professional psychological view. But in that case, the "ego" does not mean self-centered arrogance.
Well, if you want to take it metaphorically, I would still want to see the diamond sparkle for all she's worth.
I think it would be wrong for me to force facets of her cuts. But I would certainly be there for her to inspire and encourage her to polish whatever facets of her being she so desires.
I am always amazed when I ask women what they want. They so often look at me with complete confusion and often say, "I don't know, no one has ever asked me that before?"
I'd do the same thing with kids. They are also "diamonds in the rough". I would help, encourage, and inspire them to be what THEY truly want to be. I wouldn’t demand that the be something they don't want to be (other than demanding that they be responsible in general).
Now if you're taking about a real rock. Of course I'd have it cut and polished. What value does it have left rough? Unless it's a poor grade diamond, then I'd just use it to sharpen my grinding wheels or as a glass-cutting tool.
I LOVE teaching, and I have infinite patience and understanding (enough to make you want to throw up )
But only if the students genuinely want to learn. I would hate to have to teach students who are only there because they have to be there. That would make a heavenly job become the pits.
Not sure what the worst job would be, probably have to clean out sewers, or even being a aid in a nursing home where your job was to clean up all the accidents people have. Yuck! Someone's got to do these things, I can only say that I'm glad is isn't me! I did the nursing home thing enough just taking care of my elderly mother until she died. I didn't mind doing it for her because it was a labor of love, but to do it all day long for a bunch of strangers would be a lot more difficult. I don't know how people like RainbowSlider do it. Must be a lot of love in his heart.
Well, I like said earlier. Everyone has their own take on words,...
Most people use the term "madly in love" to refer to couples who are mutually in love.
But they also sometimes use it for one-sided affection. For example, "He's madly in love with her, but she's not in love with him". But even then it usually means that he genuinely cares for her unselfishly.
I think when they use the term "obsessive love" they realy mean "possessive love" to the point where it's no longer unselfish love but rather selfish infatuation.
Just my thoughts. Like I say, these terms may mean different things to different people. Typically though, I would think that "obsessive love" is undesirable.
That's basically what I said only you said it with less words and more exclamation points.
I also don't believe that there is a fine line between "obsessive love" and being "madly in love" as suggested in the OP. To me these are two entirely different things. Obsessive love is possessive selfish infatuation (i.e. not love at all really) while being "madly in love" suggests a two-way love affair where bother lovers are crazy about each other. There's hardly a fine line there, these are two drastically different things.
I think you misunderstood what I was trying to get at.
First, I welcome live conversation the most, telephone next, and emails (or written letters) third. Especially for the purpose of trying to get to know someone new.
Having said that, I must also say yes, I do believe that written communication holds the most potential for conveying things that may be otherwise hard to discuss live. It gives the author a chance to choose the best wording to covey their thoughts most clearly, and I'm a firm believer in reading and re-writing your own thoughts to convey them in the best possible way. Often what you start out to say in several pages can be reduced to a single clear-cut paragraph, but that several-page original document was still necessary for the process of collecting your thoughts. The reader also has more time to disgust and think about what's been said before responding in a like manner.
I think a lot of couples should maintain a constant "background communication" via something like letters, or journals that they share with each other. Very few couples actually do this, and because of this they miss out on a ton of communication that ultimately never takes place verbally, or will often end in misunderstandings and/or arguments when it does. Basically, when you talk live, you are brainstorming whilst simultaneously trying to communicate.
So yes, I believe that everyone can potentially communicate better via writing than via verbal communication. So this is more of an overall philosophy I have rather than something I feel is specific to only me.
I would think that obsessive "love" would actually fall into the category of possessive "love" where the person doesn't really love at all but rather just WANTS. This is especially true if they are pursing someone with total disregard with how the other person feels about it. I mean, if you genuinely love someone then you care about how they feel, and if they aren't attracted to you then so be it. I you genuinely love them you'll let them go.
If a person is becoming obsessive to the point of selfishness, then they may label that "obsessive love" but it's really a misnomer because it has nothing to do with love at all. It has to do with a person selfishly wanting someone else as an object more than as a person.
If you're "madly in love" with someone, then you genuinely care about how they feel about you. And if they aren't attracted to you, or aren't available for reasons of having already made a commitment to someone else, then you accept that fact of life and move on.
I was just thinking about this last night. I was browsing through profiles and notices that some women use a inordinate amount of make-up. That is an instant turn-off to me. I hate women who are all painted up excessively.
In fact, every time I see those "Before and After" pictures in cosmetic magazines all always think the woman looks better in the "before" pic. Seriously, I do!
I love a natural woman. A very little bit of make-up to accentuate and highlight is fine, but when it gets to the point where the make-up is taking over the features then forget it. I'm also not into kissing a woman who has excessively greasy or powdery cheeks do to excessive make up. Yuck! I prefer the feel and taste of raw flesh thank you.
As far as hair-dos are concerned, again, I much prefer natural hair. I'm not at all attracted to, or impressed by fancy hair-dos. When a woman does this I will sometimes comment on it if she insists that I acknowledge it. But in all honestly I'd prefer she just let me wash it and brush it out for her. A conditioner rinse is fine, but let that hair flow naturally and I'll be inclined to make wild and crazy love with her. If she pays a lot of money to have her hair all done up she'll probably find herself sleeping in an empty bet whilst I sleep on the couch. She'll be pissed at me anyway for not appreciating her hairdo. (ha ha)
I'm old-fashioned. I go with the idea "love makes a house a home". I'm a big fan of the Walton's lifestyle where the whole family live in a huge old farmhouse on a fairly self-sufficient farm. Or something like the Little House on the Prairie. That's getting really old-fashioned there. (ha ha)
I've always wanted to turn this estate into something that looks like it came out of "Storybook Forest". I've failed to do that over years because the thing missing from this house was the loving family. Although there were times when it was pretty quaint, clean, and tidy. Today it looks more like a waste-disposal land-fill area that been condemned. I'm at an all-time low point in my life. My empty heart had bled its last drop of lonely blood.
I still keep the dream alive in my mind. But it has become like a surreal unrealistic fantasy now more than an achievable goal. One thing I learned in life is that whilst you can have dreams, you can't really share them with someone until you find someone who has a similar dream.
Where's the woman who wants the fantasy? Where's the woman who believes in the reality of fairytales because she knows that life is what you make it, and you have the power to make it become a fairytale if you so desire. Where's the magic woman who has love in her heart? I only know where she's not. She's not here. Have you seen her around?
I don't normally "argue" over things that I could be wrong about.
I mean, if you hold an opinion or view on something, and after much discussion with someone they convince you to change your mind. Does that mean that you were initially "wrong"?
I think many disagreements have to do with opinions and neither person is "right" or "wrong" but are merely holding different views.
My view thus far in this post could be judged to be "wrong" by some people, whilst other's may see it as being "right". I think, there are specific cases where it can have an absolute truth value, and there are cases where it can't.
I believe that most "arguments" that couples have are of this type. In fact, the whole idea that one of them has to admit that they were "wrong" is often what prevents them from coming to a mutual agreement. It would probably be better if they could simply say, "Ok, I see the value of your vantage point, and I agree it makes sense, I think I too will adopt that point of view from now on".
I believe that backing your partner into a "corner" where you are demanding that they admit that they were "wrong" is a very bad practice to fall into. Even if they are willing to adopt your view and accept the wisdom of your ways, they may still have objection to having to admit that their initial view was "wrong". Perhaps it was based on insufficient information, or on an incorrect picture of the original topic of the disagreement. In that case their original conclusion was not "wrong", it is was simply ill-informed. There seriously is a difference.
So why should a person have to admit that they were "wrong" about something when they genuinely don’t feel that they were wrong based on the information they had at the time?
The whole idea of "finger-pointing" is wrong as far as I'm concerned. Why finger-point? Why not just try to get along? Is a relationship a competition? Or a cooperation? I suppose it can be whatever the couple in question decide to make it.
I'm a naturalist. I believe in nature. If you were a native living in some land where you were never taught how to count or keep track of your years you'd have no clue about the numerical value of your age. Numbers would be meaningless to you. Then you'd go solely by what you feel.
Age wouldn’t be an issue.
On the other hand, since you are an educated person living in an intellectual society (albeit not a wise one), and you are aware of the meaning of age, you might want to consider the realistic long-term consequences of making any lifetime commitments with her. After all, what good is knowledge if you don't act on it?
In other words, enjoy the time you spend with her, but think long and hard before making any serious permanent commitments such as marriage. You could ultimately be making a commitment to tend to an elderly person in later years whilst you are still quite healthy. On the other, hand you could become a burden to her at any moment yourself from a heart attack or stoke. Then where does the knowledge of age fit into that picture?
The whole idea that only things happen that are "supposed" to happen is a bit surreal isn't it? I mean, where would free will go if everything was already meant to be? Do we have free will or not? I believe we do, so that pretty much shoots fate in the foot.
Back to the topic at hand. YES! I blew it. I left the love of my life back in high-school! I was a fool. I swear I didn't know any better! I swear it wasn't my fault. I was born an idiot! Blame the people who were working on the baby assembly line that day!
Send me back to the factory and let me re-live my life again! Realign all of time as well, so that I can be the same age as Foamy Fangs. And put me in a class with her in high school!
Abracadabra Forum Posts (3,302)
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Instant Gratification Romance
Awwwww you poor boy.