I really dont feel sad at all,two of my kids my girls,bought me some little valentine teddy's and a couple of bars of choc's and made some cards,with the last of their money.I guess it made me feel appreciated,I have so much already,enough to make me happy :)
I don't know if I've given up as such,I am starting to wonder if I would actually be happier with a guy..I think maybe for a women life is better in some ways when she can focus on her needs,as in a relationship,she tends to love in a way that puts her loved ones first until she loses herself. So I feel kinda ambivalent towards the whole 'finding the one'thing..
you just reminded me of the following; After my hubbie died,people from his village kept coming to my house and sitting silently in my living room,if I left the room to see to the kids or to use the loo,they would turn off my T.V.and make it obvious they felt we should all sit around grieving in silence..
One evening the T.V. CAME ON ALL BY ITSELF!
Much to the astonishment of my guest's,who gasped,and asked how that happened,I very casually said it was probably my husband,as he could never stand sitting around without the T.V. on...
I had placed a magazine on top of the remote,most likely triggering the button..but it got rid of my unwanted guests,and gave me a big inside giggle...
My advice to the op is;Dont make your life all about finding a girlfriend.Get involved with positive hobby's and interests you enjoy.Fill your life with things that you can look forward to,there are so many things in life to experience! The girl may come along soon,or not,but life will be well spent,and the side effect is,you will be more attractive.
It is heartbreaking,but eventually we come to terms with it. It will be 7 years in April Lilly,I often dream about him still(last night)which sets off some undeniable longing for him,but for the most part,I do not suffer with grief so much anymore.
I made a decision some years ago to try to concentrate on what I DO have,rather than what I don't,and teach my children to do this too,this seems to help us.Everybody seems to go through some kind of loss,it seems to be unavoidable,but how we cope with it is a choice,I think about this often.
All I can tell you is that things will get easier.
I don't think I ever had any picture in my mind as to what it would be like,except being a dancer,which I did for a while on ships.
I never expected to be happily married with kids,or to be widowed,I definitely did not see myself raising 3 kids in a foreign country..
And I never in a million years thought I'd turn out so homely as I have!In fact I pretend to be a bit wild most of the time,cos i still can't quite believe my contented life revolves around being a good mother,cooking lovely traditional meals,and doing housework!
I am advocating an intelligent introspection,and putting a voluntary protection mechanism in place,(a line)not an involuntary hardening in response to painful experiences. This should be a priority,our first responsibility is to ourselves,I am learning this somewhat late in life..
You assume I am attracted to superficial qualities?why?
Not diminishing,its growth.Sometimes it is necessary to look at the end result in terms of continued emotional damage,and time wasted,and chuck out some self destructive patterns.
Yes.. I was taught to constantly practise a deep kind of empathy,its a lot easier to forgive and give chances when wrapped up in the emotions of the other.I am working on changing this.
I think perhaps I may look back on this time now and remember some happiness,I am certainly at peace,and quietly following/learning a new interest/hobby each year,which I find very enjoyable.My children young and near me,without any problems. From the past I remember a lot of happiness during my marriage,but at the same time torn by the required conformity to a partner and extended family from another culture. So perhaps this is my moment :)
For me.. Love was the biggest giver of happiness,self acceptance,and joy. The loss of that love(through death)was the biggest devastation,and grief.would I go back and wipe the both,not a chance,would I go back and do both all again,without hesitation!
Perhaps after a while its just nice to see the same old faces,and some old friends,familiarity sets in,its a comfortable place to go,a social scene needing no effort than to turn on the computer and log in,still running when sleep alludes us,when it is raining or too cold outside,or when we are too ill to move,or when we are babysitting our young or old..It has become a window from home,and a part of home itself.
Ah perhaps that why I like it then,(lol-sorry can't help myself)
I have a complete,and chronic inability to spell..I did well at school,am well read,have even managed to teach my 3 children to read and write far beyond their age,with great success. So with text shortenings/abbreviations it is far less noticeable,and I feel trendy rather than moronic
tomboygirl Forum Posts (225)
Go Tule!
xxx
RE: Get together in LARNACA 26/02/2011