bourff Poetry (13)

Sometimes I cant even go to bed,
As everytime I start to close my eyes
Your all I see in my head.

I dont think one day has gone by,
That you havent crossed my mind
And everytime I remember, I feel my heart cry.

How could I not have meant nothing to you
How could you have meant so much to me,
I guess maybe I was just blind
Cause there was so much I didnt see.

I remember how we felt
When we held each other so tight and close,
I remember how my heart felt you were being honest
When you said you loved me the most.

If only I never had to come to realize,
The whole time I thought we were meant to be
Id been believing a lie,
Sadly I was so misled
If only I didnt have to feel my soul die.

Yearning for all of our memories
To become my life today,
For you, everyday I would always please
If you wanted back in my life forever to stay

Are there any words for this?
For the love, the pain and tears
Is it you I will always miss
Or will you bring back all those special years?

The fear of not having you, even as a friend
Just doesnt feel right at all,
And for no longer will I pretend
I will be able to take the fall.

I ask you for the chance
To prove its not a joke to me,
Why is it that"us" is something you dont want to see?
The love that beats from my heart for you
Is more than real,
So why is your love for me
So easy for you not to feel?

While I sleep, you have to stop coming & going
As often as you do,
I cant live life not knowing
If my dreams are misleading me too.

So I hope you come to see
My heart will be forever aching,
If you shrug & laugh at me
Its my heart you will be breaking.

I keep a flame burning
in the hopes of your return,
A torch of all my emotions
a wish, a yearning to burn.

I can and will not forget you
the flame Im burning for you will never cease,
A torch of eternity of pain and suffering
an agonizing desire for my mind to be at peace.

In the hopes that you'll come back, I will let you go
since that is what you have asked me to do,
This torch that always burns, fueled by my love
will burn forever, and forever only for you.

If you ever miss me, I will be here waiting
so please dont hesitate or in your heart have no doubt,
And even if you never come back to me
the flame that is burning for you, will never burn out.

Please dont tell me you have to be going
I have never felt like this before,
Thought we could always be friends
Do I not mean that much to you anymore?

I have the power to turn my life around
but I cant turn back the clock,
Im sorry if you feel that I meant to hurt you
PLEASE STAY! I promise I will always be your rock.

I can not delete you out of my life
cause Im thinking of you every minute of the day,
I can not tell you to love me again
But I can ask, Wont you please stay?

We said it would always be,
ALWAYS, just you and me.

I thought til the end
this would be true,
But now my world is gone
and its all because of you.

You said I was the perfect man
even thanked me for giving you my heart,
Then one day came along
when you decided to rip it apart

Did five years really not mean that much?
How could that be?
I knew we were meant for each other
but this I guess, you could not see?

Now there is no more "us"
no more kissing and making up,
Guess thats just part of it
even if its true soul mates who are breaking up?

As I sit in what use to be our home
knowing this will be my last night,
How do I express my pain through this pen
as I watch the blood drip from my arm
while I try to write?

Have to find a way to rid the pain
cause its killing me, it really hurts alot,
If you could see the misery Im in now
would you try to save or rescue me? OR,
Do you even care about me anymore or not?

Cant explain how this feels
Ive never hurt this deep before,
Every second, ways to die are crossing my mind
more and more.

Easiest way would be a gun, bullet, and a very close shot,
within a fration of a second
all my pains and problems could be stopped.
If this was my future, would you feel the slightest bit sad?
Do you even care that much or not?

Please tell me how Im suppose to cope and react?
When for five years I gave you my heart
and in one night,you gave it right back,
Thats why I have to finish these drugs
and pray my plan will work
Where I do so much, I would just die of a heart attack.

If I die, its because of this heart I could never mend,
I know I can no longer go on living this way
Will today be the day my life shall come to an end?
Do you still care about me anymore?
Are you even still my friend?

Love hurts so much, like my heart as been cut
by a thousand stabbing knives,
If only one could finish the job to end the hurt and pain
that you have now put in my life.

Especially when I have this much pain
that I know I could never deny,
The only way the pain could continue to hurt
was if I "chose" to stay alive.

My body and arms are so sore
now I can feel my heart beating too fast,
Please God, let now be my time
and soon I will forget this feeling and leave it in the past.

Life or death, I will always keep one memory
a memory of us both,
Its the one that lets me remember
how we use to love each other just a short time ago,
It remains safe in my mind and soul,
For this one memory, is the only memory,
I will forever hold.

I PROMISE
to always hold and remember it and never forget
even if your not there,
Just like the memory
that scar you left in my heart
will always be here.

If I take this memory to the grave with me today
would your heart receive a new tear,
or would you even notice?
Cause all along you never did care?

Now here we are, two months after,
Realizing just how much I need your laughter,
The regret I carry for knowing what I caused
makes the guilt that haunts more grow that much faster.

The pain and emptiness I once made you feel
but now I do, will it ever go away,?
Sorry for not allowing us to be emotionally close
for if I had, together forever, our souls would stay,
And our hearts could have the chance to beat as one
even til this day

Our love was young, thought it to be true,
Sorry for my selfishness & neglect
Because of that, the heart that beats for someone else
now belongs to you



Sorry for not being able to tell you Im doing better,
Or that I dont spend my nights
writing you poems and love letters

Sorry for leaving you in this relationship
doing the work of two
If you ever decide to give me another chance
Our life together, I vow to renew

Sorry for not showing no interest in what you needed,
You warned me we had to talk to make this work
Sorry I thought we were perfect
and all work was completed

Even though we lived together, Im sorry I made you feel alone
and for making you think I didnt care for so long
I did, but thank you for caring about us so much
You tried to make it work all on your own.

If we were together now
talking is all you would hear me do,
I would talk while you slept
I would talk you to death
Talk,talk, talk
Til my face turned blue
But I know better, it was just a hopeful wish
Sorry for kidding myself
Cause you taking me back will never come true

I loved you more than anything
More than I thought I could possibly ever feel,
Sorry for not showing it, but I swear
Every ounce of love I had was only for you
And never
Was there anything more real

When we first met, I knew our love was true
Only now I see it wasnt
For you left me lonely and blue.

It started by working together
Thats when our feeling grew,
Then one day we saw we were in love
and to both of us, it felt like something new
Never had I felt anything so special and true
Back when you were my produce-chick
And I was your frozen-food.

What to do now? Neither of us would know
Do we play it safe and remain freinds
Or should we just follow our hearts?
Only if we knew how things were going to end
But at that time
Lovers we thought would be smart


Now you and your love are both gone
like it was nothing, you left me to sit,wonder,and cry
How could you be so cold and mean?
How could you not tell me good-bye?
How could you only leave the letter you wrote me?
How could you not stay and tell me why?
After five years, how could you just up and leave?

Maybe you really didnt have feelings for me
I mean you wont even allow us to be friends,
What happen to always and forever Crystal
Until the bitter end?

If only you would talk to me
and tell me something,
Like how in such a short time
Our love went from friends,to lovers, then nothing?

I wish I could make you remember
Everything you use to feel
But.. I cant
I wish I had a chance to go back and show you my love
So you would know it was always very real
But... I cant

I wish you would say you still loved me
As much as you did back then
But... You cant
I wish I could be him, the new man thats holding you
I wish that could be me again
But... I cant

I wish I could erase my memories
And stop the tears falling from my eyes
But... I cant
I wish I could call you Princess
And watch your face light up with suprise
But... I cant

I wish you knew I meant the things Ive said
Like everytime I said you mean the world to me
But... You cant
I wish this whole in my heart would stop pouring blood
From this knife wound, it will forever bleed
But... It cant.

I wish I didnt have to see you with him.
I wish I didnt have to wonder how it was so easy
for you to leave me and move on
But... I cant
I wish I could blame you
for everything I did wrong
But... I cant

Loving you is like breathing
I want to stop
But... I cant

I hate how you didnt say a word
when you left that hurtful night,
I hate how you act like you dont care
As if what you did was alright.

I hate how you walked out of my life,
I hate myself for being so naive
as to think you wanted to be my wife.

I hate the way you excepted my proposal
just to leave my side
now Im alone,
I hate the way you can live without me
You cant even pick up a phone.

I hate the way you made me feel
as if Im not worth a dime,
I hate the way you pushed me to the side
like your too busy to make any time.

But mostly what I hate
is the emotional investment I made,
For it has turned out to be nothing
but a memory that time will soon fade.

BEFORE:

Your gone, now my mind is in a craze,
I start to pace,then I go into a haze,
Hopeing your not really done with us
instead, just going threw a faze,
Will my life be continued on the next page?
Dont know what to do, or where to go
you made my world a maze
that will keep me lost for my last few days.
If only I wouldve listen to you right from the start
to learn and practice on what you needed
until I got smart.
So maybe then I couldve been able to play my part
But Im not,and it feels like a deep stab in my heart

So here I sit confused & all alone
Right beside me, I have my phone
Incase you call to say you love me
and your coming home
the more I wait the more I know your really gone
Never be able to forgive myself
for being the reason we went wrong
Hate my life cause now its blown wish I had anyones but my own
You gave me true love Id never been shown
Your love now gives me pain Ive never known


I must forget about us being together like this
To forget the love and what we once had
at any cost, I must insist
Of the three things I must do
these are the top two on my list
Number three is knowing our love will no longer exsist

These are my main concerns while the blood is coming from my wrist,
I hardly notice the burning as I clinch my fist
I cant pull the blade out, I must persist
Then slowly I start to feel a mist
that makes its way over my eyes
and at that moment, I realized
I just died.

AFTER:

Some people asked why? Other just sat and cried
Some thought it was because I had too much pride
My parents fell to their knees, and looked up at the sky
Screaming, "God, he was too young to die"
And with a tear in their eye, asking,
"what about his son who will never get to tell his daddy good-bye?
"God we beg of you, send him back
his time on earth was too short to be through.
Thats Jacksons only daddy, he needs him more than you do.

My only son, for I know will never comprehend,
He still thinks hes coming to daddy and Babys this weekend.
(Since I always called Crystal baby, thats what my son called her too)
How will he cope knowing this is real and not pretend
God please dont let him hate me for taking away his best friend
Just over me and his Baby coming to an end

He gets his heart broke every day
by getting his hopes up but never getting his way
His wishes are always the same
that he ask of God, everynight I hear him pray:
God, I love you and wish my words you would hear
but can you tell me if my daddy is there?
If he is could you send him back here
I think theres a monster under my bed
I need him to check cause Im scared.
Tell him Im sorry he thought his life was empty
but now mine is bare
I love my daddy so please God
give him back this isnt fair.
Cause she was my Baby and I lost her too
I suffered my share

Can you tell my daddy I found a picture of us
Do you know if he ever saw it
Let him know I will always keep it in my Diego wallet.
Tell him I show all my friends & my family
even Bryan, mommy, & Tim
I say, Look everybody this is my daddy
& I look just like him.

One last thing before I go to sleep
God when will it be
time for my daddy to come back & play with me
Can I see him just one more time

God I PLEA!!!

So the only thing Im remembered by
are the words left on my stone:

"Here lies a man whos death was so unseen
who left alone his only son, the Prince
who thought his father was King
Cause he thought he couldnt live without their Baby
Their Queen
Have you ever known a man so selfish or mean

He thought he would be alone
& life without her would be tormented & unknown
All they remember about him since hes gone
is how stupid he was
by the words left on his stone.

First time I saw you, I knew I believed in fate,
Thinking about it now, only makes me hate.

I hate knowing I made you think and feel you were alone
cause of the things Ive done,
I hate having your heart for five years
and now I have it none.

You made me feel loved, and could always make me smile,
Neither of these things have I done in awhile.

Why not tell me about that gloomy Saturday
when I asked you what was wrong,?
Did you feel our two hearts
all of a sudden didnt belong?

I woke up that fearful night
feeling my world was out of place,
Cause you were gone and I knew
I would never see or touch your angels face,
And in a twinkle of an eye
our history had been erased.

You made your get a way while I was still asleep,
only to wake up to your engagement ring,
and trying to figure out why you left it for me to keep?

At first, I was hoping to God it just broke,
and thats the reason you put it in that envelope,
To keep all pieces together and any from missing,
Deep down I felt the truth but still I kept on wishing.

Said a prayer, then opened the envelope only to realize,
My wish didnt come true, cause the ring that was inside,
wasnt broken, it was your way of telling me good-bye.

I may not have your heart, and you may not want mine to keep,
For you are not gone forever
you will always be in my dreams as I sleep.

I will try to forget the feeling of your touch and love,
but that will never be enough.

Cause our memories will always play over in my head,
Never will I feel or give this much love again,
Thought I could always atleast call you my friend?

What Happen?