crickit2626 Poetry (8)

minutes, years,
our hour is among us
the very repetition
of the very moment
heart strained
to wakening conscienceness.
heat shrunken
in salt water baptism
withered outside to reflect within

I question my awareness
the colors blend at the edge
that razor thin ledge
fleeting sanity a moments reasons
fulcum balance less than indifferent
to tumolous whisper breeze
I blink in the sun
struggle to my knees
retch the salt & bile
guts heaving dry straining
infuriatingly defyment of deserved expectations.
the mear audacity of continuing life.

everything hurts
this skin a near
transparent veil
the grief once more
washes over my brain
remember it all again
deployed once more
in this hell and pain.
how long can I deter
this demand for sleep
shedding that two edged sword
to only weep what I reap.

I decide to go.
as the current ordained.
I have allready changed
what I can not blame.
what might be the same
I could easily share fault
regardless of intentions
oblivious of thought

secure on board
my most meager of
lasting possesions
gratefull suppositions
for the most generous
of concessions easier
fight cast away
unknown decisions on my behalf
to deal with as I may
I cry and I laugh
to save my mind
I cut out the infection
the change in my face
reaction engraved -
transparent reflection

deep breaths and I wince
My left hand going numb
ring finger to out -
concerning to some
empty - no pain -
clumsy in hand
momentary reminder
catalyst inland
far from position -
yet near to my heart
to live on dying
decomposition starts.

years and years -
yet only moments spent.
and the sadness returns
familiarity soley
the kindness yet lent.
then nightfall yet burns
and I see I have been
everywhere but here -
but here I suspend
I collapse on all fours
to revisit that abyss
from wich my agony
still rages from within.

I float and I drift
Slowly away
disbelief and terror
Silently I pray
Broken rope trailing
through the depths
my heart drops
today
again
I wept

I drop to my knees and scream
clawing at the boards on deck
my fingernails rip and they bleed
barely feeling the greater pain
warm blood steaming
in that hot humid night air
salt water turning pink
on on this craft of my dspair


I hold on to the edge of the railing
again straining to see the shore
rain spattering off the bow
as the faint image of that land
slowly fades from view

the building thunder starts
again to roll in
the audible release
of that rumble of rage
the tension in the air
my mind in a haze
the sound of thunder bursts wide
- & to my surprise
stops at this momentous peak

no echo returned from land
where I learned I had gone
too far to continue to seek
sad and dissapointed
but now fully resigned
to chart my course
somewhere sublime
the rain keeps coming
the clouds dare to part
sliver of silver
moonlight peeks through
allowing dim light to shine
upon this skeleton crew
only me and this vastness -
direction my choice to make
I fear I might burst.
This coral reef all disguised
down below I again realize,
much too late - the depths of my soul.
sink to its fate.

in this current state
little chance of repair
this used worn log
without the aid of care
creaks and moans
far out and adrift
no options exist
my will must I submit
ride out this storm I surmise
& if my karma complies
perhaps my life I forfit

I resign peacefully at last
this fight inside subdued
drift off into sleep -
that my tormentors intrude
this thread bare covering
wrapped in poor excuse
a moments peace
from this unrepentant abuse
as strange as it seems
Im rocked asleep in my dreams
by the very tumult of the storm
the rain kisses my face
yet I only taste
bitterness of loss and I mourn.

this took years !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
to make in its entirety. please pass along? easily the most powerful thing I have ever done.

The craft pulls slowly away, riding with the outgoing tide,
waiting for that morning ray, hopeful against apparent odds.
The wind starts up slowly, hair slapping against my cheek.
The gulls floating and dipping, merely a silhouette over the bow

The scream and cries, skree and skrawl. Alight and perch, beady eyes,
head cocked watching me warily, shrieking its call, of encouragement,
or warning. I may never know, the flock begins its descent.
The foulest of fowl cluttering and crowding my deck with eternal squawking

Fighting for position among what appears to be peers.
I gaze and watch in wonder, the fighting and pecking
survival a must, living on, one breath at a time
Shuffling along, the filth and the crust.

Purposefully exhale this weight of despair.
Waiting for the tension to lift, to reveal to me
this great and good plan. Gods mighty decision
for the benefit of man

To be held and loved, trust and respect
abandoned and alone, spite and neglect
The Ocean crashes, my presence insignificant
lost in this labyrinth of utter bewilderment.

My mind as numb as these fingers
clutching the net, cast and release.
Sorrow and regret, familiar feelings now
As I cut up this bait, and alone I wait.

Loneliness is a feeling, a companion to my soul.
No greater addition of joy fills that burnt hole.
Look towards the future, that far horizon of content
always just out of reach.

This watery passing of time for naught.
These years spent.These same waves
may not pass below this craft again
only these same thoughts of despair.

And cast away thoughts of self mutilation
May this surplus of heartache end,
alone and adrift, the fresh air calms.
I question my impulse for death
- may be closer to sane.

What of those questions
unanswered from Gods own mouth.
Fully expecting some unthought reasoning
for me to cast about.

Blowing, pulling, tugging, beating endlessly upon my brow
Crashing, enveloping, all encompassing, gale force, asphyxiating
..........the beating inside my breast.

Who can sail without the wind? The hull - weather worn
salt air, cold within, stinging, biting, ripping inside my lungs,
fighting, gasping, breathing,
..........extremities going numb.

Burning, turning, rope slicing through well calloused palms,
cursing and bleeding, straining,one more knot among many,
..........this gray and tattered rigging.

The waves come on ceaselessly, as the tides icy water spray
refreezes this deck. Chop and cut, bang, break and bust.
The ice building layer upon layer,
..........must unlock this ship from its slushy moor

Hollow thumping against the docks slow roll of the Ocean
the swaying of the masts, sails hanging sadly, heavy with the fog
increasing, turning steady into rain,
..........incoming downpour racing into the end of night

Darkness settled in, snugly into every nook, every cranny filling it to its bursting point
Burn for only one more night this dwindling supply of that midnight oil
not for nourishment, nor for warmth,
..........only a little light.

I pray, give me something, anything at all to light the way

Within my dreams of tortured screams
and memories of long ago
I watched the act
denied as fact
and pursued her through the snow.

And in this dream
to me it seems
as though im almost dead
when Im ripped apart
and fed my heart
to awake upon my bed.

The dreams of night
with fists clenched tight
had followed me once again
and all my fears
wet my pillow with tears
as I expect the end.

Never before was I so bold
as when I tell you this.
The fear of death and the reapers breath
are as comforting as a lovers kiss.

I wipe at my eye
not willing to cry
must keep my sanity intact
little did I know
it was because of the snow
that kept me from attack.

I stand and scream
shattering all things
that happen to be in the room
the voice in my head
starts whispering instead
the end is coming soon.

I stand at the window
feeling the wind blow
through the broken glass
I cut my feet
climbing into the street
to fulfill my morbid task.

I land in the lawn
hours before dawn
listening to the voices
the demons around
retreat from my sound
so I stop to consider my choices.

I head for the trees
scraping my knees
because of the briers around
my rage intact
as a matter of fact
cruel suggestions
and self doubt abound.

A clearing in the forest
filled with chorus
by the evil thats out tonight
a circle of Satan
strengthened through hating
is witnessed under crisp moonlight.

In the middle of the night
Im turned on by the sight
at the scene taking place before me
levitating in air
with blood streaked hair
is an angelic symbol of mercy.

Raped and beaten
at this occultic meeting
she begs for sudden death
but the seed shes received
guarantees shell conceive
for the righteous theres never rest.


David M. Hill

the scream

and cries

skree and skrawl

alight and perch

beady eyes - head cocked

watching me warily

shrieking its call



for encouragement

or for warning

i may never know

the flock had begun

their decent

these foulest of fowl

cluttering

and crowding

my poor deck with this

eternal skwawking

fighting for position among

what appears

to be peers



I gaze and watch in wonder

the fighting and pecking

survival a must

living on

one breathe at a time

shuffling along

the filth and the crust



purposefully exhale

this weight of despair

waiting for the tension to lift

reveal to me

this great and good plan

Gods mighty decision

for the benefit of man



to be held and loved

trust and respect

abandoned and alone

spite and neglect

yet the Ocean crashes on

my mere presence insignificant

lost in this labyrinth

of utter bewilderment



my mind as numb

as these fingers

clutching the net

cast and release sorrow and regret

all familiar feelings now

as i cut up this bait

blood and meat

and alone i await



loneliness is a feeling

a companion to my soul

no greater addition of joy

fills that burnt hole

look towards the future

that far away horizon of content

always

just out of reach

this watery passing of time

for naught

these years spent



these same waves

may not pass below this craft again

only these same thoughts of despair

and cast away thoughts

of self mutilation

may this surplus of

heartache lend



alone and adrift

the fresh air calms my brain

i question my impulse for death

may be closer to sane

what of those questions

unanswered from Gods own mouth

fully expecting some

unthought reasoning

for me to cast about

blowing

pulling

tugging

beating

endlessly upon my brow



crashing

enveloping

all encompassing

gail force

asphyxiating

the beating inside my breast



who can sail without

the wind?

the hull - weather worn

salt air

cold within

stinging

biting

ripping inside my lungs

fighting

gasping

breathing

extremities

going numb



burning

turning

rope slicing through

well calloused palms

cursing and

bleeding

straining

one more knot among many

this gray

and tattered rigging



the waves come on.

ceaselessly.

as the tides

icy water spray

refreezing this deck

chop

and cut

bang

break and bust.

the ice building

layer upon layer

must unlock this ship from its

slushy moor



hollow thumping

against the docks

slow roll of the Ocean

the swaying of the masts

sails hanging

sadly

heavy with the fog

increasing

turning

steady into rain

incoming downpour

racing into the end of night



darkness settled in

snugly into every nook

every cranny

filling it to its bursting point

burn for only one more night

this dwindling supply of that midnight oil

not for nourishment

nor for warmth

only a little light

i pray

give me something

anything at all

to light the way



the craft pulls slowly away

riding with the

outgoing tide

waiting for that morning ray

hopeful against apparent odds.



the wind starts up slowly

hair slapping against my cheek

the gulls floating and dipping

merely a silhouette over the bow