CRIPPLED_LOVER Poetry (13)

Redrum that's how I live my life crazy as f*ck your the one that's gonna die. I like getting high snort a couple lines with satan giving me sighns that were getting closer to the end of times. Being an accessory to brutal f*cking crimes like shooting a skrap 666 times. I don't bang because I don't need too. With each day I get more and more crazy what the f*ck am I gonna do??????  I try not to listen to the demons in my head but the only way out is a bullet through my head. Alot of you might think that this shit sounds dumb but I recommend not to f*ck with me because i'm possessed by satan and influenced by redrum.

f*ck I wish I would just f*cking die I can't do shit so instead I just cry. I'm nothing but a mother f*cking burden I wish my family could forget about me like when you drink a whole bottle of bourbon. My heart is hurting and bleeding wishing someone would shoot me and just leave me there leaking. I feel like the only reason im still alive is because i'm physically incapable of slitting my own throat with a knife. I don't have a girl to call my wife so why should I continue to live my f*cked up life. My brother knows who I really am that's probably why he's mad but I don't really give a damn. Live or die I ask myself every f*cking day but I guess when your alive that's just the price you f*cking pay.

Every f*cking day I think about death. Hoping it'll be slow, and painful as I take my final breath. My mental state is never the same, but i'm the only mother f**ker who's to blame. It's a f*cking shame to be so blessed, yet feel so depressed. When I lose my f*cking anger I feel as if my own mind becomes a stranger. Saying shit that doesn't "sound like me" but in actuality my evil thoughts are what drives me. I know my life has turned out alot better than some, but it doesn't change the fact that my mentality is full of red rum. Hopefully one day all of this shit will change hopefully before my brains are splattered all over the place. It's like my angels and demons are in a constant f*cking race. My angels want me in heaven with god full of love and grace. However my demons always come in first place, so before I ever get the chance to feel god's warm embrace i'll have to be the "victim" of a brutal murder case.

Sometimes I just wanna die because I no longer wanna cry that's why I like to smoke weed and get hella high. I don't understand why i'm always thinking about murder and rape doesn't matter whether i'm asleep or awake. I don't wanna have these thoughts anymore I rather be gutted like a wild boar or beat to death like a pimp does to his cheapest whore. I don't really care how I die long as its full of blood and gore. I'm too evil minded to keep alive thinking about killing my rival's son that's only five. I feel like my mind is going through a constant battle between good and bad. When I die my family should be glad that i'm free of all the bad but my mom will be sad and so will my dad. Hopefully these thoughts of mine will be gone before my life runs out of time.

I will love you forever from here on out our lifes can only get better. I couldn't get you out of my f*cking head because our love will last till the day were both dead. Your the only girl that I love in this whole f*cking world. I know we had our ups and downs but your the only girl that I ever wanna be around. With out you I was always sad and frowned. With out you I would rather be six feet deep buried underground. This is how much I love you and I know you feel the same way too.

Have you ever realised that your life is a piece of shit and you have nothing left like a cannibal running out of soft human flesh or have you ever felt like you have nothing to live for like a 12 year old crack addicted whore or have you felt like cold concrete because people walk over you and you have no heart to beat.

If I die today or if I die tomorrow I don't want my loved ones to feel any sorrow. I want them to remember all the good times we had I want them to be happy not f*cking sad. I just hope I live long enough to be a dad but I know it'll never happen that's why I still feel sad and hella f*cking mad. I've been in a wheelchair zince 1998 whenever I smoke weed it makes me feel great. The day that I die I hope it ends with me hella f*cking high. When i'm mad I try to be nice but I feel like a psychopath wanting to eat their brain's like rice. I like to take risks like someone trying to fight with two broken wrists or make someone's head pop like a big cyst. This shows why not to f*ck with me when I feel pissed.

I like smoking dank especially from a bong but sometimes the bud is too f*cking strong. I know weed is never too strong ,but it can be if you hit it for too long. Whenever I get hella f*cking high my mouth gets super f*cking dry. This is when I need some wet pu**y for my cotton mouth because i'm legendary when it comes to licking down south. It's my motherf*cking gift I promise it'll give your mood a really good lift. As you slowly take off your miniskirt I eat your pu**y till you begin to squirt. When you squirt it reminds me of a water gun because its summer and were having hella fun. Your pu**y is a perfect shade of pink when I lick your pu**y you get wetter than a motherf*cking sink.

The good timez they come and go like a rundown motel and a drug addicted hoe. You won't understand unless you go through it you can't have the good shit without a bunch of bull shit. That's just a part of f*cking life you can get hurt worse than when playing with a sharp knife. I wish that I could get you out of my f*cking mind your love was like a diamond but harder to find. Someday i'll be able to find sweet true love but till that day comes my life will be more sour than unripened plums.

I need someone to love me for who I am and I know i'm loved by my friends and fam but its just not enough. I know i'm not buff or physically tuff or able to buy you expensive stuff but I promise i'll give you all my love. No matter what our love will soar higher than a dove. To me love is more important than anything because you will be my absolute everything. From the very start you'll be the only one that'll have my heart. I don't care what you look like or who you are I just want our love to travel far and have you brighten my darkness like a night time star.

Mary Jane she takes away the pain she has many names also known as strains.Whether it be White Widow White Rhino or Northern Lights she can brighten and enlighten the darkest nights. My inner battle between hell and heaven i'll win long as I use gods secret weapon a nice fat bowl of AK-47 I rather be smoking fire then some shitty a** resin but sometimes you have to settle in order to keep your thoughts away from the devil. When i'm really really high I feel like i'm in heaven without having to die and my soul rise towards the sky. So long as I have Mary Jane I won't become criminally insane or wanna die by a bullet to my brain.

Day by day I try to find a reason to stay I keep having homicidal thoughts i'll probably have them till my body stink's and begins to rott. I know I say it alot but it's truly what I feel. I'm not a liar this is foreal. Although I try to conceal all this pain and sorrow sometimes wishing I wouldn't live too see tomorrow. I feel as if i'm not worthy of living because all I think about is sinning. Seems like my demons are winning but this is only the beginning. When i'm high I feel like my angels are winning but when i'm sober sometimes the devil takes over like a real life game over dark or light I don't know which one to fight or which to invite no matter what path I choose i'll make sure that I never lose.