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ladyjewelladyjewel Blog (16)

158 Forums144 Poems144 Poetry72 eCards72 eCards61 Blog Comments16 Blog16 Blogs11 Threads

Random Rambling and jumbled thoughts.

It's funny how I always come to this place to ramble through my thoughts and feelings.

I think maybe because in my life I have connected with some amazing people here, fallen in 'love' been hurt, bruised, loved, cried, kissed and lived.

Why is it when you begin to close off and think you need to deal with yourself someone who you are not really looking for, walks up behind you and wraps you up in gentle arms and makes you think, maybe this is real, but, there's always that, but, they'll let you fall one day, it's the question, 'will they reach down and pick you up, or just walk away?'

Lol, my way of deciding if someone is worth discovering is that I try shock tactics, I hand them 'Me', my gentle, my crazy, my kinky, my emotional, my strength and my weakness.

It depends on how they handle everything, I used to give over everything I am and trust so easily that it had to be real, now I hold back and question everything, I miss who I used to be.
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We are our souls.

When you connect with someone who you feel deeply about, it opens up your soul.

The problem is, that you keep yourself in your soul, you have your essence inside that space, and to let someone else reach inside and hold that part of you, is like breaking piece's of a rough diamond, and you begin loosing part's of you, it just depends if you allow yourself to be polished and shine or crushed into dust.

We are all bashed around in the sea of life until, one day, if we are lucky enough we come to rest against another stone and the broken pieces of us fit into their broken edges, and anchor us together enough, so we can ground each other and stop being beaten up by the waves of the world.

We can rest, and the waves can polish our broken edges and smooth them out, it can blend you together in time, to be stronger than you thought you could be.

But sometimes we need to be put into the fire and burned to smooth out the edges and turn the rock into a diamond so we know our worth.
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Just for me, my thoughts.

This year has been the most crazy, dramatic, weird, upside down year ever.

I started a completely different job, from nursing for over 30 years to an IT company on the computer all day.

I went through a divorce that I had to sort out completely by myself.

Been "alone" for the first time in my life, discovering so much about what I actually like.

Found some amazing Men that I have loved, each for their own unique personalities.

I do believe in the saying "with you for a reason, a season or a lifetime", I have had parts of all these and been parts to others.

Until now I have always handed my whole self over and given all of me if I feel like this is the real thing, this is now changing and I am learning to have patience and wait, find out if it's real or something I want to be real.

If anyone wants to change me, I will now gently close the door and walk away, I like me again and "He" must do the same.

"He's" still out there but I now have a completely person/Woman to offer and deserve the same.wine
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I think I found Me

I am a woman who has been looking for me.

This last 6 months I found her, she was lost under this insecure mass that I had built to hide her.

I am overweight, because mainly my ex loved bigger woman, I am essentially a people pleaser, something I am realising.

Oh I was content and happy with my family, work and how I was seen in those areas, I am so proud of those area's in my life.

I forgot I was still a woman who could be loved without being changed, and now, I am being changed because it's what I want, because I am loved..

Right now I am being loved very gently and slowly as I see that I am enough just as I am, he makes my soul melt, and I am finding out I don't need a Man, but I want this one in a deep and magical way that only my soul understands.

To everyone here, you can find so much magic if you allow yourself to let someone show you, don't ever give up.kiss smitten
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Beautiful feelings

Today I woke up and the first thing I saw and heard was such a beautiful message that I am floating around in a haze and smiling at everything.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if this was the normal.
At least there's the possibility of something random and magical out there, but even if it's just a dream I am so happy that I felt it today.

I want the fairytale but I know with that has to come some reality, and if you can find someone amazing that blends both and makes sense of you, then you need to take their hand and try.

If it's meant to be in your story then the universe will find a way, if not then at least they hold a chapter in your life.lips kiss
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Safe space.

In the past that seems so long ago I kind of found my way back to me in this crazy site.
I went through so much emotion and in the end I found without realising it that I needed to learn how to deal with Me, I realised that She had been buried so deeply inside my heart because I was needed as a Mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend etc.

Almost it seems a lifetime ago when CS helped me find Me again I didn't comprehend then how much so many faceless strangers could help me find my soul again.

So when life decided to knock me down a few steps, I came back to the place I felt safe enough to put out into the universe "Me"

From thinking my life was going to be this gentle growing old with someone special who I loved for the Man he is, but I discovered when I was told I am not enough, that I maybe was just there to help him find himself.. surely you would crumble into pieces if that was as real as I wanted it to be?
And yet I find I feel lighter and I can see the Woman who was quietly waiting for the next phase of this crazy ride we call life.

So here I am :
"Hello again"
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Such a beautiful write.

(Had to share this, such a wonderful way to see stress)

my brain and
heart divorced

a decade ago

over who was
to blame about
how big of a mess
I have become

eventually,
they couldn't be
in the same room
with each other

now my head and heart
share custody of me

I stay with my brain
during the week

and my heart
gets me on weekends

they never speak to one another

- instead, they give me
the same note to pass
to each other every week

and their notes they
send to one another always
says the same thing:

"This is all your fault"

on Sundays
my heart complains
about how my
head has let me down
in the past

and on Wednesday
my head lists all
of the times my
heart has screwed
things up for me
in the future

they blame each
other for the
state of my life

there's been a lot
of yelling - and crying

so,

lately, I've been
spending a lot of
time with my gut

who serves as my
unofficial therapist

most nights, I sneak out of the
window in my ribcage

and slide down my spine
and collapse on my
gut's plush leather chair
that's always open for me

~ and I just sit sit sit sit
until the sun comes up

last evening,
my gut asked me
if I was having a hard
time being caught
between my heart
and my head

I nodded

I said I didn't know
if I could live with
either of them anymore

"my heart is always sad about
something that happened yesterday
while my head is always worried
about something that may happen tomorrow,"
I lamented

my gut squeezed my hand

"I just can't live with
my mistakes of the past
or my anxiety about the future,"
I sighed

my gut smiled and said:

"in that case,
you should
go stay with your
lungs for a while,"

I was confused
- the look on my face gave it away

"if you are exhausted about
your heart's obsession with
the fixed past and your mind's focus
on the uncertain future

your lungs are the perfect place for you

there is no yesterday in your lungs
there is no tomorrow there either

there is only now
there is only inhale
there is only exhale
there is only this moment

there is only breath

and in that breath
you can rest while your
heart and head work
their relationship out."

this morning,
while my brain
was busy reading
tea leaves

and while my
heart was staring
at old photographs

I packed a little
bag and walked
to the door of
my lungs

before I could even knock
she opened the door
with a smile and as
a gust of air embraced me
she said

"what took you so long?"

~ John Roedel.(love his word's )bouquet
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Piece's of us.

We all have so many pieces to the puzzle that is Us.
Being here is like taking myself to the fairground.
Climbing on to an emotional rollercoaster ride, shaking with fear, excited and scared knowing that this ride will not stop until it's finished.

Climbing into those swings that swing you around, excilerating, thrilling freedom from the real world knowing the ride will end someday and hopefully the feeling will be remembered with joy.

Going there and finding someone who will ride with you and hold your hand on the rollercoaster, be there when the swing stops to hold his arms out for you to fall into knowing that you are safe ..

That's what we all want, that is what I want for the next chapter in my life, to have that and be that for Him.

I will not settle for less than all the good, bad and ugly truth that is Him and the person inside He shows me that is hidden from view is more precious than any ring.
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Inner Peace

Was just sitting here on this site reading poetry and blogs lost in my own world..

Looked up and outside we have a beautiful big tree and a tattered old swing made out of a plank of wood, this young girl of 17 that kind of just fell into our family one day if sitting on the swing, head phones on listening to music and Just swinging as high as she can, all alone and in her world.

So precious to dream, my heart's so full that she feels free to be a child in this world.
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To the people that matter.

There is so much sh*t in this world and if you look hard you will always find it.

Have had my far share in life but you know what I have seen too much pain, suffering and hurt to sweat the small stuff, as a nurse you see past the rubbish a lot of people talk and past the nastyness and you think shame I wonder who or what Hurt them so much that they can't see past it.

Life is a treasure and privilege, you get to breath without having an oxygen tank around you all the time, you get to walk around on both legs and feel the dirt under your feet,
You get to have a child just come up and hug you for being Mom, Dad, Granny or Grandpa,
Some people can't be those things, or have lost them.

Count ever blessing, look around you and marvel at this gift of life we mostly take for granted.

If you want you can find so much to love sad flower
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away for a week, off to splashy fen xx

Hey who has been or is going to Splashy?
Am leaving tomorrow at about 7am, going to camp in a tent, listen to live music, and play in the mud:-) grins been raining so will see, its the first time i am going so hold thumbs, might come back a changed woman, grins.

Have fun and will miss being here, reception is bad up in the mountains so might not be able to connect.
cheering cheering banana

One downfall is no being able to chat to my new Man:-)lips
But told myself its practice because he loves camping lol
teddybear
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Rainbow Bridge.

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....Author unknown...
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